People with high performing kids.. how hard do you push your kids academically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

This! There are several books out there on this subject. The idea is that you need to teach your kid to work hard (push himself) for the intrinsic pleasure of doing his best, rather than pushing for As. Working hard is all about intrinsic motivation to do your best, taking pleasure in besting your own performance in soccer, learning for the pleasure of learning. Importantly, it's also about learning to bounce back from failures. The kids who are focused on grades are the ones who get depressed by Bs, who blame the teacher for their failures, and who are at risk of disengaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

I do think it is impressive if a 5 year old can determine which of these fractions go in order from smallest on up: 1/5, 2/8, 2/7, etc.

I'm pretty sure they do some "beginning algebra" and fractions in FCPS K. They also do these in Montessori classrooms where they have those manipulatives to play with. It's very easy to see 1/8 is smaller than 1/4 when you're actually looking at cut up pieces of a circle and coloring them in and kids read those library books on math talking about cutting and sharing pie. The beginning algebra sheets I've seen are finding a missing number and aren't too hard either. Montessori teaches all the things PP mentioned above in a visual way but most kids don't come out of a primary classroom being able to do all that math in their head yet. Picking these concepts up on his own is definitely advanced though.

With the beginning algebra statement, I'm being objective--the beginning algebra involved simultaneous equations and deriving the value with multiplication/division, like 3s + 4y=32 and then another equation for s and y (I'm pretty good at math myself, so I know). DS actually does work in his head, not with manipulatives, though he initially figured out concepts by looking at real things--e.g., "that looks like 3/4 of a slushie." We do not share where he is academically with other classmates or parents so there could be a few others like him in class, However, his teachers have discussed where he is in math with me and have shown me some of his work. Again, I know it's too early to judge, but some kids really do figure it out. He never went to Montessori or FCPS, but does go to another private that supports him getting more advanced work in math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

This! There are several books out there on this subject. The idea is that you need to teach your kid to work hard (push himself) for the intrinsic pleasure of doing his best, rather than pushing for As. Working hard is all about intrinsic motivation to do your best, taking pleasure in besting your own performance in soccer, learning for the pleasure of learning. Importantly, it's also about learning to bounce back from failures. The kids who are focused on grades are the ones who get depressed by Bs, who blame the teacher for their failures, and who are at risk of disengaging.

OP here- PP love your prior post. I think when I say push your statement describes how I push. If the best my child could earn is a B, that's okay. I'm not okay with a B though if it is due to laziness.

[Anonymous]

I don't/didn't. I have two in college, one going into middle school and one in elementary school. I push critical thinking skills, problem-solving, we read a lot (we go to the library once or twice a week, I'm always in the middle of a book, etc.) they all got piano lessons two or three times a week, and we travel a lot. The kids don't realize it, but I pushed foreign language (I sent them to camp in foreign countries).

There were never any "worksheets" during the summer. No Kumon, no hour of math each summer, etc. When my two oldest needed tutors (at their request) we got them private tutoring at our house.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your kid's personality. Mine is a hard charger, emotional, and extremely independent. He would underachieve if pushed too hard.
I do a bit of work with him each day, but I take his signals on when to back off.

A few of my friends' kids are also extremely bright, but more laid back. They benefit from a bit of pushing and because of their even temperament, don't respond as negatively.

I have come to believe that I can't control (make) my kid do most things (by this, I don't mean a dearth of consequences, I mean I can't coerce the behavior I want), but I have some control over the environment. An environment of high expectations has a better chance of producing a high achieving kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't/didn't. I have two in college, one going into middle school and one in elementary school. I push critical thinking skills, problem-solving, we read a lot (we go to the library once or twice a week, I'm always in the middle of a book, etc.) they all got piano lessons two or three times a week, and we travel a lot. The kids don't realize it, but I pushed foreign language (I sent them to camp in foreign countries).

There were never any "worksheets" during the summer. No Kumon, no hour of math each summer, etc. When my two oldest needed tutors (at their request) we got them private tutoring at our house.

The last sentence of this post is why I push my kids academically. We can't afford private tutoring. I think it is the only way my kids can compete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

Just looked through a 4th grade math book. This is amazing that your child is doing this at the age of 5.5 (presumably closing in on 6 if just finishing public kindergarten). Though the math book I looked at wasn't hard at all (and I had thought it would be harder at that level), even long division would be a difficult concept for a child or multiplying multi-digit numbers by multi-digit numbers would be tricky.

[Anonymous]

To me, beginning algebra is doing stuff like distributive property, learning about + and - integers, learning about exponents, things like that. I would like to see that in a 5.5 year old, impressive.
10:47 you must have the funds to support these activities. Good on you for prioritizing your kids' education.

[Anonymous]

I have a 15 year old who I push to get straight A's. I am currently teaching my 4th grader the material in pre-algebra during the summer for 20 minutes a day, with hopes that he can take AP Calculus BC in his freshman year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old who I push to get straight A's. I am currently teaching my 4th grader the material in pre-algebra during the summer for 20 minutes a day, with hopes that he can take AP Calculus BC in his freshman year

Basis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old who I push to get straight A's. I am currently teaching my 4th grader the material in pre-algebra during the summer for 20 minutes a day, with hopes that he can take AP Calculus BC in his freshman year

because....??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

I do think it is impressive if a 5 year old can determine which of these fractions go in order from smallest on up: 1/5, 2/8, 2/7, etc.

I'm pretty sure they do some "beginning algebra" and fractions in FCPS K. They also do these in Montessori classrooms where they have those manipulatives to play with. It's very easy to see 1/8 is smaller than 1/4 when you're actually looking at cut up pieces of a circle and coloring them in and kids read those library books on math talking about cutting and sharing pie. The beginning algebra sheets I've seen are finding a missing number and aren't too hard either. Montessori teaches all the things PP mentioned above in a visual way but most kids don't come out of a primary classroom being able to do all that math in their head yet. Picking these concepts up on his own is definitely advanced though.

With the beginning algebra statement, I'm being objective--the beginning algebra involved simultaneous equations and deriving the value with multiplication/division, like 3s + 4y=32 and then another equation for s and y (I'm pretty good at math myself, so I know). DS actually does work in his head, not with manipulatives, though he initially figured out concepts by looking at real things--e.g., "that looks like 3/4 of a slushie." We do not share where he is academically with other classmates or parents so there could be a few others like him in class, However, his teachers have discussed where he is in math with me and have shown me some of his work. Again, I know it's too early to judge, but some kids really do figure it out. He never went to Montessori or FCPS, but does go to another private that supports him getting more advanced work in math.

I wish we could get this kind of differentiation at my kids school. The public schools attitude seems to be "He's great at math! That means we can leave him alone and let everyone else catch up!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level[b]. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

Impressive for a 5.5 year old. I'd be interested in how you taught things like fractions (not just 1/8 but comparing them and putting them in order).

I'm not PP, but I thought I would chime in since this is an anonymous board. I don't think what PP is describing is so uncommon. My DS just turned 7 and is finishing 1st. Right now, DS is very advanced in math and understood fractions, like ordering and comparing, easily by the end of K. In fact, his teachers pulled him out in math this year and started him working on beginning algebra in 1st. My son told me this, but I had doubts until I just read his latest comments from school.

My husband definitely started working on DS's number sense around 3 or 4 by asking simple questions (e.g.,I have eleven balls and want to get four more...how many do I have? you can use fingers and toes to count). I consider that pushing a little bit, but by K, DS independently figured out multi-digit addition, subtraction, the concept of fractions, multiplication, and division. In 1st, I just let him do math as much as he wants and try to explain mathematical concepts if he's interested. My DS also reads on a mid-5th grade level.

Can I really call my kid "high performing"? Even as a "totally objective" parent, let's be real--he's only 7 anything can happen. I think it's way too early to start patting myself on the back. I hope that he stays motivated in school and does well, but I'm not going to take it for granted that he'll succeed in HS, college, or grad school!

Btw, I have a younger 3.5 year old where we also do rhyming games, etc., but I do not push her to do math or read. I will always expect my children to do their best. But as school gets more difficult, I think things like motivation and ability play a bigger role.

I do think it is impressive if a 5 year old can determine which of these fractions go in order from smallest on up: 1/5, 2/8, 2/7, etc.

I'm pretty sure they do some "beginning algebra" and fractions in FCPS K. They also do these in Montessori classrooms where they have those manipulatives to play with. It's very easy to see 1/8 is smaller than 1/4 when you're actually looking at cut up pieces of a circle and coloring them in and kids read those library books on math talking about cutting and sharing pie. The beginning algebra sheets I've seen are finding a missing number and aren't too hard either. Montessori teaches all the things PP mentioned above in a visual way but most kids don't come out of a primary classroom being able to do all that math in their head yet. Picking these concepts up on his own is definitely advanced though.

And Common Core incorporates units of algebraic thinking in every grade. http://www.corestandards.org/Math/Content/K/OA/ Fractions are a 3rd grade topic, but preschool Montessori programs are big on manipulative fractions as a math foundation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

DOes anyone else start the "pushing" this early? I have got a 4.5 year old and I have not formaly started pushing him on math and reasing! I mean we do motivate him and have workbooks to teach him age appropriate math, but our philosophy has been that when he enters kindergarten, he should not be bored by subjects that he has previously learned at home. Now, I am kind of worried that our approach has been rather hands off. Any input?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 we push a little bit but mostly we motivate. We started to focus on their education about a year ago. Initially, it was a lot of pushing with a little bit of motivation. We quickly realized that it was not working. We started to look for ways to motivate and that really took off. Now, the older one is highly motivated on her own. She pushes herself consistency. We put high expectations for her and she is beating every one by a mile. She just finished KG but is doing math on the 4th grade level and reading on 3rd grade level. This is a result of her consistent hard work. We support occasionally motivate but don't aggressively push. The younger one is less consistent but is also easily motivated. Both kids are very smart but not "omg doing algebra in 1st grade smart". i feel that their long term academic success will be related to their hard work, their environment (ie home, school, friends) and not due to a genetic gift of a Newton/Einstein type genius.

I recently found a book that i really liked. It kind of feeds into this thread:
"Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg

DOes anyone else start the "pushing" this early? I have got a 4.5 year old and I have not formaly started pushing him on math and reasing! I mean we do motivate him and have workbooks to teach him age appropriate math, but our philosophy has been that when he enters kindergarten, he should not be bored by subjects that he has previously learned at home. Now, I am kind of worried that our approach has been rather hands off. Any input?

No, most people don't start pushing this so early. The only thing I "pushed" with my 4 yr old on math was counting and number writing before entering K. Now, in K, DC is learning simple algebra: I have 10 blocks, 3 are taken away, how many do I have left - that type of math. Your kid will be fine. No need to push so hard so early on to keep up in class.