Do I let him go or is there hope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your first instinct was correct. It's hard, but I'm sure you will find someone special, OP. You seem very grounded and non-crazy, which I'm finding out from these boards is a rare gem.

OP here. Thanks PP! I suppose it is best I let him go for good. It is just really hard because I honestly have never had a connection with anyone like I did with him (ex husband included). I honestly feel like I will never find that again.

This is probably true, you will not find that connection again. The man is fresh off a divorce, probably not ready to dive head first into another serious relationship, is being honest about that, and the consensus is throw him under the bus. How about, move on DATE other people, stay friends or in touch with him as he works through the aftermath of his divorce. Over time, and if you act like an adult not intent on burning bridges, your relationship may take off again. Maybe it won't but you can decide down the road if you want to remain friends with him. If you cut it off, and tell him you need a full commitment like wife #2, then it will certainly be the end. Unless you have a better option waiting in the wings, why are you dissing this upfront and honest guy?

She will not find that connection again?? What the heck are you smoking, PP?
Please put down the pipe and stop giving foolish advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I feel sorry for the poor guy! He bravely asked if you guys could be friends. I'd love to have a friend like him! Sheesh. He didn't deserve to be shot down by you.

Huh? How is she shooting him down? She's being honest with him about her feelings, and that she cares too much for him romantically to have a platonic friendship - he knows that but still can't offer her anything more.

So, she cares about him 'too much' to even be his friend, to talk to him or hang out occasionally? That sucks.

[Anonymous]

"He views you more as a sibling/friend. You are back burner chick."

Yep. Until he gets horny again and turns it back into a sexual relationship . . . all on his terms because he knows you're vulnerable and he can play you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your first instinct was correct. It's hard, but I'm sure you will find someone special, OP. You seem very grounded and non-crazy, which I'm finding out from these boards is a rare gem.

He just wants to ensure he can have someone for sex when he returns each time. You need to move on. Think about this- if you find someone, how will he feel about you spending time with this "friend"?

[Anonymous]

If he's the only viable option you see going forward then go ahead and "keep him."
You know you better than anyone and you were right there as an eyewitness to all of your prior relationships - how do you think dude meshes with you? Can you see an actual stable, comfortable, committed relationship developing out of this or do you just see somebody paying you attention for a change and its been a while?

[Anonymous]

You've already slept together so it was safe for him to say he wanted a platonic relationship but in fact he does not. I think he knows you would have sex again and is manipulating you a bit. He says feh wants friendship but it seems more likely that he wants someone to hook up with while he is in the uUS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Totally forgot about this:

He told me that I should move on and date other people but wants to have a special friendship with me because we have such a strong connection. He does not expect to have a sexual relationship with me. He wants us to share stories and meet up when he is here. What do I make of this? Please help me understand this. . . very un-guy like!

It means that he really likes you, too, and agrees that you have a wonderful connection, but the logistics of the current situation are too much for him to pursue a real relationship.

He would be delighted to keep in touch with you and see you when he can, because he does really like you, but I can't see how that would benefit you in any way, given how you really feel about him.

And my crystal ball is broken today, but unless he actually moves geographically closer to you sometime soon, the statistical odds that this will ever develop into something are very slim.

[Anonymous]

If you gotta ask a forum of strangers for help to decipher your dilemma I'd say "hope" is not the rational recourse.

[Anonymous]

move on and cease all contact with him

[Anonymous]

You are very smart OP.

In theory, being friends w/each other would be a nice thing to fall back on, but like you stated, considering your history together + the fact that you still have feelings for this man, there is no way you will be able to sustain a typical friendship at this time.

My suggestion would be to let some time pass and let yourself heal first. Move on a bit w/your personal life and let him as well.

After you both have allowed yourselves sufficient time to move on personally, then you can always discuss the possibility of opening up a friendship together.

Just not right now. Things are much too tender.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

When I had a very short, intense connection like that I got played. I almost lost my marbles!

So I started working on me. I started meditating with some deepak Chopra from iTunes and basically started realizing that I am fine just the way I am. I don't need a cut-rate relationship!

Within a few months I got back on the horse and met some nice guys on Match. Then "the one" came along! So many coincidences and things in common....I really love this guy, and SO DOES MY MOM!

I still meditate to stay centered. Sometimes we meditate together.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Hi. This is OP. I want to send out huge thanks to everyone on this thread! You all have been so nice and so helpful. I am taking the advice of the majority and am going to let this guy go! While I really like him I believe that even having a friendship with him will play with my mind and I don't need that now.

Thanks again everyone!

[Anonymous]

OP--you made the right choice!

I was in a similar situation in the past and it did not end well...with me being the one hurt.

I am still not over it entirely and it has been years and I am happily married.

Glad you decided to cease contact with this guy and move on. It's for the best--really.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

There is always hope if you choose to look for it. It can be a hard search, but I believe it is possible.

Good luck