Why do people feign friendliness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always mean it when I say it.

If I don't follow through, it is because the other party does something meanwhile that makes me not want to socialize with them.

like what?

Religious or racist jokes (I hear a lot of anti-Catholic jokes because people assume I'm Protestant).
Screaming at or spanking their child for a minor offense.
Being generally ignorant of basic facts or current events and then being belligerent or cheerful about it.
General grossness (a coworker allowed her pre-schooler son to urinate in the planter outside our building instead of going inside to use the restroom)

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with friendliness and more to do with scheduling. It's hard to tell people "I don't have time" because then they take it personally thinking you don't like them and are making an excuse. Honestly I'm really friendly but I just can't add more shit to my calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with friendliness and more to do with scheduling. It's hard to tell people "I don't have time" because then they take it personally thinking you don't like them and are making an excuse. Honestly I'm really friendly but I just can't add more shit to my calendar.

Then why would you tell someone that youmwant to meet up and then ignore? Just don't say anything in the first place. Other people are just as busy.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I mean it when I say it. I also tend to be overwhelmed with life right now. I desperately crave and need adult interaction, good conversation, etc. I'm thrilled when I meet someone with whom I hit it off. When the day comes, though, I'm likely dealing with the chaos of my life and following through with a planned get together feels like one more thing I have to muster the energy for-- even if I'd probably feel better overall if I did.

So, in sum, the very thing that makes me respond enthusiastically to an offer of socializing is likely to make it hard to actually follow through.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I always thought it's an American thing.
So used to people saying it that ignore them.
Neighbor has said twice that we should have a play date and I completely ignored that she said it.
She is a foreigner though and I'll take her up on that.If she flakes, she has been to America too long.

[Anonymous]

It is not really "friendliness", but wanting to "socialize", OP.

Your post should be more clear.

Not ALL friendly people are fake, FYI. Some people merely have a good life and are happy, and may assume that others don't have a shitty life.

[Anonymous]

I feign hostility. It keeps people guessing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feign hostility. It keeps people guessing!

Not really. We know your life sucks.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just flaky and that's why.

Some people don't actually want to be your friend but don't know how to say no.

Some people had a free moment to respond to your first inquiry about the day but then were no longer free when you pinged again about the time. In this situation, either you're too impatient and getting worked up over nothing, or it was just really low on the priority list by the time they got to sit down again and now had several messages to respond to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always thought it's an American thing.
So used to people saying it that ignore them.
Neighbor has said twice that we should have a play date and I completely ignored that she said it.
She is a foreigner though and I'll take her up on that.If she flakes, she has been to America too long.

So rude; so typically American.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate the fake invite too. I wished people didn't do this.

[Anonymous]

The cherry on top - is when you run into the same person again (who was the one who brought up getting together and then shunned your invitation), you have a pleasant-enough conversation, and when you part they say, "call me."

sure.

[Anonymous]

I'm reminded of the Friends episode where Chandler can't keep himself from saying "I'll call you!" each time he departs company with Rachel's boss, with whom he never wants to go out with again.