Divorced 2 yrs; Ex DH has a GF of 18 mos - Why is he freaking out that I am seeing someone?

[Anonymous]

It's totally normal to feel a tinge of residual emotion when an ex spouse moves on. Doesn't necessarily mean anything. If it persists and he behaves inappropriately then I would say something is amiss.

A decade ago I broke off an engagement and even though my ex and I eventually became close friends, he felt residual sadness when I got married. I reprocessed the relationship when he moved in with his partner. We remain friends and we even all vacationed together last year.

I would guess it is less common to not feel anything at all when a former spouse moves on. We're human and emotions are weird.

[Anonymous]

I have similar issues with my ex. He goes out of his way to make my life very difficult when he knows I'm seeing someone. I lie now, which is pathetic, but it saves me a lot of drama.

[Anonymous]

Ah..The complexities of men!! Lol.

I think men will always feel a power trip over their ex's, no matter what.

I honestly do not know why, but mine always have the same issues.

Perhaps it is something they are born with or it could be something cultural.

Regardless, who gives a damn?

Do not let his attitude get to you.

Enjoy your new relationship and just ignore him.

Deal with him as little as possible.

[Anonymous]

It's not just men. When DH and I got engaged, my step kids' mom (DH's ex) almost had a nervous breakdown. When we got married she refused to allow the children to come to the wedding and telephoned incessantly during our honeymoon. She was hysterical for months. I shudder to think what will happen when we announce we are expecting.

[Anonymous]

Been through this myself. I think it's a lot of what the other PPs have said. His insecurity, his ego, his jealousy, and in my case, my ex is just irrational.

My ex introduced a GF to my kids as a work friend and then she just showed up every time they were there. They went away together (w/kids, etc.). I only knew her name from my kids. I literally cannot stand my ex, yet...there were these very annoying pangs of jealousy the entire time they were dating. I was dating someone most of the time this was happening.

I introduced my BF to my kids after about 9 months of exclusive dating. Ex went ballistic. Still acting crazy even though I know he's dating someone again. I just ignore. If it doesn't relate to the kids, then I don't respond. Had he mentioned something to me when he introduced the first GF, I definitely would have reciprocated. But he set the stage, so I did what I thought was best, when I thought it was best.

My counselor says that it can take years (ugh!) to get over the emotions with divorce. And a lot of people never get over it completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A control thing and probably an ego thing too--as in, how could you possibly find someone to replace him!

+1000

He wants you to be miserable. He must be otherwise he wouldn't waste energy on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

divorced dad here - whatever is his issue is his problem, don't take responsibility for his insecurity. why do you need to be reassuring to him? did he reassure you when he brought his GF around the kids? was there ever more than one GF that he introduced to the kids? what's good for him isn't good for you - don't think so.

it's petty jealousy and you should rise above it. perhaps tell him matter-of-factly to mind his own business.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

Just to be fair a large number of child abuse cases are boyfriends of the mom, not so much gf of the dad.

I'd imagine that a larger number of child abuse cases are dads, actually.

No. Actually they are unrelated males that live in the home.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

My ex always makes a huge production when he's dating someone new. He wants them all to meet our DD after a couple dates. He has downgraded each time and is now in a quickie engagement (2 months of dating) with a woman who looks 50 but swears she's 45. She has no kids of her own and is trying way too hard to win over my daughter. At some point, she's going to break up with my ex (they always do) and he'll find someone else to blame for it. It is like watching a train wreck.

[Anonymous]

My former stepmom has always harbored anger toward my dad for moving on after their divorce, even though she initiated the divorce and she technically moved on first. (and married the guy.) Some people just don't like the idea that they are replaceable, I think, regardless of who did the breaking up and who moved on first.

Also, your ex might be an asshole. And yes, he might have legitimate concerns about another guy having access to his kids, for abuse reasons. I'm careful about who meets my kid for that reason.