Divorced 2 yrs; Ex DH has a GF of 18 mos - Why is he freaking out that I am seeing someone?

[Anonymous]

My ex DH has figured out that I have a BF and is now extremely angry and being very passive aggressive/trying to make my life difficult - I can't figure out what is issue is...we were in a loveless/sexless marriage for 2-3 yrs prior to the divorce so there is no love lost between us.

Is it a control issue or something? (I think he has NPD, for what that is worth.)

Also, the BF has had no interaction with the kids - so it isn't that...I'm at a loss.

[Anonymous]

A control thing and probably an ego thing too--as in, how could you possibly find someone to replace him!

[Anonymous]

It might be that he had to figure it out, and that he feels insecure about his role with the kids? (assuming there are kids).

I know in coparenting, I believe that I should meet the sig other before they meet my kids. And some rules of engagement that bot parents follow need to be established about when, how and who meets the kids.

[Anonymous]

If this is the first person you've dated since the divorce (or the first person he knows you've dated), he probably is dealing with some latent feelings of jealousy.

I left my first husband and am happily remarried now, but I still had a kneejerk momentary jealous reaction when he told me that he was seeing someone new. If he has still subconsciously been thinking of you as the person who said marriage vows to him, it is probably hard for him to think about you having those kinds of feelings for someone else.

Human emotions are not always rational or sane.

As for the NPD and how he's trying to make your life difficult, be patient but firm. Maintain your own integrity and try not to let him get to you. If he's still being this way in a couple months, revisit.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want him around his kids.

[Anonymous]

Does his GF hang out around the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want him around his kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Cause men can be stupid
end of story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want him around his kids.

+1

Yep, not fair but it is true.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

Just to be fair a large number of child abuse cases are boyfriends of the mom, not so much gf of the dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

Just to be fair a large number of child abuse cases are boyfriends of the mom, not so much gf of the dad.

I'd imagine that a larger number of child abuse cases are dads, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just to be fair a large number of child abuse cases are boyfriends of the mom, not so much gf of the dad.

Quite true, sadly.

If the ex is NPD, it's a control issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. That's helpful. We have had the GF/BF conversation - his girlfriend is around our kids a lot, which, granted annoyed me in the beginning, but doesn't bother me as much now.

I will reassure him that BF and I are taking it slow and kids won't be a factor for sometime.

divorced dad here - whatever is his issue is his problem, don't take responsibility for his insecurity. why do you need to be reassuring to him? did he reassure you when he brought his GF around the kids? was there ever more than one GF that he introduced to the kids? what's good for him isn't good for you - don't think so.

it's petty jealousy and you should rise above it. perhaps tell him matter-of-factly to mind his own business.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't want someone else raising his kids.