NY Times Article by Mother Who Invested in Child vs. Saving for College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you do as an adult can make up for experiences you missed as a child. Children experience things from a different perspective than young adults, mid aged adults, senior citizens. Those who live for the moment have fewer regrets than those who put off life experiences.

This is so profound and true. In my friend's case, my knee-jerk reaction was that she should've saved for college, but after a few minutes of thought I came to the same conclusion you did. Her children are very, very bright, creative, wonderful children with intellect that surpasses their years. I couldn't help but conclude that was a result of all she'd given and exposed them to over the years. She cried to her mother with the same guilt and her mother told her the same thing: What she'd done was worth it even if it meant her children going to community college for two years. I asked her daughter if she would've preferred that her mother saved for college. She took a beat or two then said, "Nah. I prefer the life I was given."

Then the merit aid and grant from the school came about in addition to other outside scholarships her daughter scored. I think she'll be paying less than $5,000 for her child to attend a really good flagship U.

Oh please. Like those children couldn't have been bright and creative if they went to public school. How ridiculous.

They did go to private school.

I mean they went to PUBLIC school.

Sorry!

Nope. Article says homeschooled and then private school. SHe's patting herself on the back for that decision.

OP here. I thought she was referring to my friend's kids, as she'd directly quoted me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a ridiculous article. They have 6, yes SIX, kids and make under 50,000 dollars a year. There is no way they could save for college anyway with so many kids. Their kids will get financial aid and they probably pay no federal taxes. The author has a 4 year degree that her grandparents paid for so she got to enjoy college while her kids will do work study and may have loans.

Recent college graduate here - my parents make about $60k a year and while I did get a good amount of aid in my freshman year, that dried up quickly and by the time I graduated I was receiving $0 in grants and the only "aid" I got was offered loans and federal work-study. This is all determined by FAFSA so it wouldn't have made a difference what school I attended.

Second, I now make $51k/year and I can guarantee you that I pay plenty of federal taxes.

You really have no idea what you're talking about.

You don't have SIX kids and you probably don't have five younger siblings. A family of 7 making 50,000 a year is not paying federal taxes.

[Anonymous]

I guess she is trying to sound homey and wonderful. To me she sounds entitled and ridiculous. For those of us who have denied ourselves and our children "fun trips to Africa" to have money for college, she sounds like an idiot. Kids do need experiences, but not the most expensive ones. Wasting $200,000 on having a fun childhood? Crazy. Is she speaking metaphorically? That is it cost that much just to put food onto the table for 17 years?

[Anonymous]

Anybody else find this author super annoying? .... our 12 boiled eggs and Judahs gifts on the guitar... sounds like waiter material to me.

[Anonymous]

Meanies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess she is trying to sound homey and wonderful. To me she sounds entitled and ridiculous. For those of us who have denied ourselves and our children "fun trips to Africa" to have money for college, she sounds like an idiot. Kids do need experiences, but not the most expensive ones. Wasting $200,000 on having a fun childhood? Crazy. Is she speaking metaphorically? That is it cost that much just to put food onto the table for 17 years?

Hope you're not confusing the friend with the mother in the article.

I'm not so sure those trips to Africa were as fun as they were enriching, mind-expanding and life-changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to add that the title of this story caused me to pause because I'd recently had several conversations with a guilt-ridden, nearly distraught good friend from HS who did the same thing as this author.

She'd received close to $200,000 after her mother died when her DD was just 5 or 6. Instead of putting a chunk of it into the child's college savings account she had started, she paid for dance lessons, music lessons, band trips, exotic vacations (think Africa because her DS wanted to go on safari) and later on tutors, SAT prep, a car for DD, etc. She reasoned that Grandma wanted the kids to have all those things and before she died, she was funding the extras, was planning to continue to fund them as they got older, etc. So my friend decided she was simply doing what her mother would've wanted her to do.

FAST FORWARD to College Craziness of 2014.

Her DD was excited to be accepted early on to her 1st choice university---until they received the financial aid award that offered her nothing except the max in federal loans and workstudy. There was no way my friend could fill in the $30,000 gap. That's when the guilt set in and she called me in near tears about it. DD had also been accepted at another flagship U that offered a very generous grant that made it affordable, but she wondered aloud if she'd done the wrong thing by spending so much investing in her children instead of socking at least $50,000 away.

FAST FORWARD to the rest of the acceptances coming in.

DD had applied to a few reach schools that met full need but was rejected. However, this B- student was able to pull in tons of merit money from other schools where she was a better match academically.

In the end, Dear Friend has no guilt. In fact she's thrilled and in retrospect believes she did it the right way. I'm just glad it worked out for her and strongly suspect it will work out for the author's child too.

I think DF is leaving some key information out, b/c this story makes no sense. Unless DF kid is attending a community college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess she is trying to sound homey and wonderful. To me she sounds entitled and ridiculous. For those of us who have denied ourselves and our children "fun trips to Africa" to have money for college, she sounds like an idiot. Kids do need experiences, but not the most expensive ones. Wasting $200,000 on having a fun childhood? Crazy. Is she speaking metaphorically? That is it cost that much just to put food onto the table for 17 years?

Hope you're not confusing the friend with the mother in the article.

I'm not so sure those trips to Africa were as fun as they were enriching, mind-expanding and life-changing.

Both. We have been to Africa. It did not cost $200,000. Wasn't that mild blowing. Going again in 2 weeks. Maybe our minds will be expanded then.

[Anonymous]

Since the author's family also adopted a SN child from Uganda, so I'm guessing the trips to Africa weren't on a whim because the kids wanted to go.

[Anonymous]

Jeane
Minneapolis 10 days ago
Six kids--wow. I grew up in a family with six kids in the 1960s, and my parents made enormous sacrifices to send us all to state universities. They scrimped and saved, and scrimped and saved some more. We lived in a tiny house, drove an old car, and did without the lessons, sports, travel, etc. I admired them greatly, am grateful for their sacrifice, and learned a lot from them. Perhaps the most important lesson was "Don't have so many damn kids!" I think my siblings got a similar message: none of us had more than two children.

I posted this quote from the readers reply and want to say me too. That is my parents had 6 kids and saved saved saved. Not a lifestyle I wanted to have -- 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

In my grand fathers day, only 9% of kids could afford to go to college. It was for the rich only -- "college boy/ rich kid" maybe after two/3 generations we have come full circle, especially at the elite expensive schools.
"Rags to riches in 3 generations -- riches to rags in 2 more"

[Anonymous]

I think few of us actually have the choice that the author had. With six kids and a 50k income, her children will probably qualify for decent financial aid. We have a HHI of 115K and two children. If we didn't save and instead spent whatever we had on enrichment, our children will have to pay for school themselves, likely with student loans that will dog them for a decent chunk of their early (or more) adulthood. That's an entirely different choice than the author's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess she is trying to sound homey and wonderful. To me she sounds entitled and ridiculous. For those of us who have denied ourselves and our children "fun trips to Africa" to have money for college, she sounds like an idiot. Kids do need experiences, but not the most expensive ones. Wasting $200,000 on having a fun childhood? Crazy. Is she speaking metaphorically? That is it cost that much just to put food onto the table for 17 years?

Hope you're not confusing the friend with the mother in the article.

I'm not so sure those trips to Africa were as fun as they were enriching, mind-expanding and life-changing.

Both. We have been to Africa. It did not cost $200,000. Wasn't that mild blowing. Going again in 2 weeks. Maybe our minds will be expanded then.

1. The $200 k was spent over the course of 10+ years. I'm sure part of the money went towards the mortgage and other living expenses. DS also spent 2 months in China last summer as part of a foreign exchange. Africa AND China before graduating HS. Can you imagine how impressive, intelligent, self and socially aware this kid is? He is awesome. (Both kids are.) DD did not study abroad but did get a car at 16 that she's leaving behind in the fall for her brother.

2. If you weren't mind-blown, why return to the continent in 2 weeks? That's a lot of money to spend to be anything less than mind-blown. Friend wasn't mindblown either but HER CHILDREN WERE--which was the point. Frankly, she seemed to be more blown by the trip they took to Greece two years ago.

As another poster said, you experience things differently as an adult, so I'm not surprised to read YOU were close to bored.

3. If you're able to experience Africa at least twice in your lifetime, why begrudge those children the same? It's not as if their money stole the money for the trip. It was her money to do whatever she wanted with it. Just as you do with yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to add that the title of this story caused me to pause because I'd recently had several conversations with a guilt-ridden, nearly distraught good friend from HS who did the same thing as this author.

She'd received close to $200,000 after her mother died when her DD was just 5 or 6. Instead of putting a chunk of it into the child's college savings account she had started, she paid for dance lessons, music lessons, band trips, exotic vacations (think Africa because her DS wanted to go on safari) and later on tutors, SAT prep, a car for DD, etc. She reasoned that Grandma wanted the kids to have all those things and before she died, she was funding the extras, was planning to continue to fund them as they got older, etc. So my friend decided she was simply doing what her mother would've wanted her to do.

FAST FORWARD to College Craziness of 2014.

Her DD was excited to be accepted early on to her 1st choice university---until they received the financial aid award that offered her nothing except the max in federal loans and workstudy. There was no way my friend could fill in the $30,000 gap. That's when the guilt set in and she called me in near tears about it. DD had also been accepted at another flagship U that offered a very generous grant that made it affordable, but she wondered aloud if she'd done the wrong thing by spending so much investing in her children instead of socking at least $50,000 away.

FAST FORWARD to the rest of the acceptances coming in.

DD had applied to a few reach schools that met full need but was rejected. However, this B- student was able to pull in tons of merit money from other schools where she was a better match academically.

In the end, Dear Friend has no guilt. In fact she's thrilled and in retrospect believes she did it the right way. I'm just glad it worked out for her and strongly suspect it will work out for the author's child too.

I think DF is leaving some key information out, b/c this story makes no sense. Unless DF kid is attending a community college.

What part makes no sense? That a child who'd basically been groomed throughout her childhood received merit aid? Because that's all they needed to make this story NOT turn into a disaster.

I can attest to the fact that this child is going to a flagship state U--not a CC. I read the acceptance and scholarship letters, went to the accepted students day with the family, etc. DF and I have known each other since childhood. Our mothers were friends. We went to elementary and HS together. I was there when her children were born and when her mother died (as was my mother). She was there when my sibling died, etc.

In other words, I'm not speculating or just taking her word for things.

[Anonymous]

^^ I am just not impressed with wasting money, no matter how "mind expanding" I know my kids would not thank me for spending their college education so they could "learn about Africa" We work there. Not so wonderful as all that, but we don't see ourselves as saving the dark continent -- here's some food and t shirts.