He won't stop buying junk at the grocery store

[Anonymous]

You lose, OP. Your husband is setting you up.

He's the kind dad that buys her the stuff that she likes to eat. You're the mean mom who keeps her from it. He's forming an alliance with your daughter, against you.

You need marriage counseling and family counseling. You probably won't persuade them to go, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your dd genuinely wants to lose weight -- if -- you have to do more than just offer healthy foods. Cooking should be tailored to weight loss.

She's 12. Cross-country season is in the fall. At her age, most cross country teams are open. There is no cut. Tell her that she is going out for cross country in the fall, because you are worried about her health and her weight and she needs to learn to exercise.

You can start a run-walk program with her as a mom/daughter activity in the summer to get ready for cross country in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lose, OP. Your husband is setting you up.

He's the kind dad that buys her the stuff that she likes to eat. You're the mean mom who keeps her from it. He's forming an alliance with your daughter, against you.

You need marriage counseling and family counseling. You probably won't persuade them to go, though.

+1.

[Anonymous]

If you are serious about this then start counseling. Go to the grocery store yourself. Get off work early so you can make dinner and then make it. Throw away the Klondike bars. Talk to your DD about health risks and how her father is ill bc of his weight. Pack her lunches. Sign her up for a sport. Get her into counseling- talk to pediatrician- I know mine has a program for teens with a dietician. Why does your husband want her to be fat? Does he stay at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lose, OP. Your husband is setting you up.

He's the kind dad that buys her the stuff that she likes to eat. You're the mean mom who keeps her from it. He's forming an alliance with your daughter, against you.

You need marriage counseling and family counseling. You probably won't persuade them to go, though.

+1 Also there is a strong genetic aspect to insulin dependent. maybe he wants some company?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't stay home, but gets home before I do. He goes in early, I go late. When he got a speech from the ped about her weight, he switched peds from the one she's had since birth.

I'm doing many of the things are being suggested. I'll step it up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for this OP. Hopefully she will get nutrition education at school. Perhaps you could sign up for a meals delivery service so he wouldn't have to shop. Or you could put his purchases in a special cabinet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lose, OP. Your husband is setting you up.

He's the kind dad that buys her the stuff that she likes to eat. You're the mean mom who keeps her from it. He's forming an alliance with your daughter, against you.

You need marriage counseling and family counseling. You probably won't persuade them to go, though.

A page from my book. Also, the junk is a waste of money we cannot afford.

[Anonymous]

Ok...I may be way off and I probably am, but when I first read your post, I was thinking that your dh is deliberately trying to make your dd fat. The only reason I can think that a dad would want to make his dd fat would be to make her less desirable to boys. I know...I know... This is probably wrong. But I am friends with couples who have dd's between the ages of 12 and 15. They are all tall, thin, and pretty. The dads are constantly complaining about how their dd's are getting hit on by older boys and it drives them nuts! Of course, the dads are not pleased with the "type" of boys hitting on their girls. Anyway....something else to consider. My dh is already getting prepared for when he has to go through this with our dd.

[Anonymous]

Not so off. My mom was extremely uncomfortable with my changing body and attractiveness (religious Catholic, deeply insecure herself, told me she tried to keep me a little girl as long as possible, hated the idea of her daughters having sex), and started bringing a ton of junk food into the house as I went into adolescence. I gained a lot of weight that I only lost when I moved away. I still have to work very hard to maintain my weight (it permanently changes your body even if you lose it), and I carry a great deal of resentment towards my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lord, DH is insulin-dependent? Does he want DD to be on Metformin (oral anti-glycemic)? Because that's where she's headed.

I'm a physician OP and your DH needs to get on board. Now. If she hits adolescence with these eating habits she is in for some painful teen years and health problems in her early 20's that no one deserves. I see it daily and it's heartbreaking. The fact that he knows about these health risks as an adult and is setting your DD up for the same (due to his own issues, and believe me these are his own issues) is very sad. Unless you all have failed marriage counseling, it's time to go. Good luck and good on you for advocating for your child.

Your DH is a horrible parent. He needs to hear it from the pediatrician. If things dont change, divorce him and sue for custody. No way a judge will give him custody. He is killing your daughter with food.

[Anonymous]

You guys are right. I went out and bought $150 of fresh food and am cooking now. I'll portion it out before refrigerating it.

He stormed out when I told him I took care of shopping and he needs to pay the sitter (half of what I spent on food). If he doesn't like it, he can suck it. I didn't actually say that last part, but it's my new motto. I owe my kid better than what she's getting now.

Thank you, everyone. I was so frustrated, but you are all right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are right. I went out and bought $150 of fresh food and am cooking now. I'll portion it out before refrigerating it.

He stormed out when I told him I took care of shopping and he needs to pay the sitter (half of what I spent on food). If he doesn't like it, he can suck it. I didn't actually say that last part, but it's my new motto. I owe my kid better than what she's getting now.

Thank you, everyone. I was so frustrated, but you are all right.

Exercise can do a ton to prevent the development of diabetes. Is she in a sport or dance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dd genuinely wants to lose weight -- if -- you have to do more than just offer healthy foods. Cooking should be tailored to weight loss.

She's 12. Cross-country season is in the fall. At her age, most cross country teams are open. There is no cut. Tell her that she is going out for cross country in the fall, because you are worried about her health and her weight and she needs to learn to exercise.

You can start a run-walk program with her as a mom/daughter activity in the summer to get ready for cross country in the fall.

Um, NO. ABSOLUTELY not. My mom used to make me run because I was fat and it took me years to enjoy exercise.

Go out for a walk with her because all kids need to be active, not because she is overweight. And the kid deserves to enjoy sports, not be forced into something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are right. I went out and bought $150 of fresh food and am cooking now. I'll portion it out before refrigerating it.

He stormed out when I told him I took care of shopping and he needs to pay the sitter (half of what I spent on food). If he doesn't like it, he can suck it. I didn't actually say that last part, but it's my new motto. I owe my kid better than what she's getting now.

Thank you, everyone. I was so frustrated, but you are all right.

Why didn't you just go grocery shopping while he was spending time with your kid? spending 75 on a sitter seems passive aggressive.