Why is it that the undone thing gets noticed?

[Anonymous]

OP, can you move into my house and let my renter move in with your wife? I can guarantee that in 3 days, she'll be begging you to come back. Because in that time, my renter will leave every light on, every cabinet door and drawer hanging open, the trash will be open, the dishwasher will be loaded as if by a blind monkey on crack, there will be crumbs all over the counter and floor, there'll be used kleenexes all over the place, the lint trap of the dryer will have an inch of lint and the bathroom will be filthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you move into my house and let my renter move in with your wife? I can guarantee that in 3 days, she'll be begging you to come back. Because in that time, my renter will leave every light on, every cabinet door and drawer hanging open, the trash will be open, the dishwasher will be loaded as if by a blind monkey on crack, there will be crumbs all over the counter and floor, there'll be used kleenexes all over the place, the lint trap of the dryer will have an inch of lint and the bathroom will be filthy.

Split the bills and sex once a week? I'll be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to justify, but possibly to illuminate:

* she is really stressed about something else entirely, or just over-tired, and this just happened to push her over the edge
* although you feel like you are doing more than 50% of the work, she might also feel like she is doing more than 50% of the work. You both might need to step back and reassess.
* she is not feeling appreciated in some other arena, and this somehow reminded her of that painful (mis?)conception

Either way, I'd say the two of you need to sit down and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Calmly. Without blaming. Without judging.

As for her paycheck... was there an agreement that your salary would cover X and her salary would cover Y? X = expenses, Y = savings and extras? Otherwise that sounds a little odd.

When someone rages at you in a way that is abusive, the way OPs wife did. It is okay to judge that. It isn't acceptable. Men don't have to accept rage and abuse just because they are male. Lots of men don't feel appreciated or they are stressed out - would you also say that a woman shouldn't judge a man who rages at and swears at her over a pot that wasn't cleaned. No you wouldn't. You would be telling her leave him, get out - he's an asshole, he's abusive, divorce him, he is setting a bad example for the kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you move into my house and let my renter move in with your wife? I can guarantee that in 3 days, she'll be begging you to come back. Because in that time, my renter will leave every light on, every cabinet door and drawer hanging open, the trash will be open, the dishwasher will be loaded as if by a blind monkey on crack, there will be crumbs all over the counter and floor, there'll be used kleenexes all over the place, the lint trap of the dryer will have an inch of lint and the bathroom will be filthy.

Split the bills and sex once a week? I'll be there.

OP here. We need to meet. If in addition my DW split the bills and gave me a blow job I'd be a happy, contented man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to justify, but possibly to illuminate:

* she is really stressed about something else entirely, or just over-tired, and this just happened to push her over the edge
* although you feel like you are doing more than 50% of the work, she might also feel like she is doing more than 50% of the work. You both might need to step back and reassess.
* she is not feeling appreciated in some other arena, and this somehow reminded her of that painful (mis?)conception

Either way, I'd say the two of you need to sit down and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Calmly. Without blaming. Without judging.

As for her paycheck... was there an agreement that your salary would cover X and her salary would cover Y? X = expenses, Y = savings and extras? Otherwise that sounds a little odd.

I have stress all the time, and I do not curse and swear at my DW. I am probably going to die of a heart attack, since most of it I keep to myself and just stew. One day I may just snap. They'll say he was such a nice man, once!

As to the paycheck, perhaps I created a monster. Years ago, when she worked last, I paid for everything, including the nanny. She banked her check. I cannot do that anymore. So, she needs to ante up. If she can't do that, I want a divorce. Then she will be forced to ante up on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG I would be in heaven if my husband did what you did even once a week. Sorry but she is out of line.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to justify, but possibly to illuminate:

* she is really stressed about something else entirely, or just over-tired, and this just happened to push her over the edge
* although you feel like you are doing more than 50% of the work, she might also feel like she is doing more than 50% of the work. You both might need to step back and reassess.
* she is not feeling appreciated in some other arena, and this somehow reminded her of that painful (mis?)conception

Either way, I'd say the two of you need to sit down and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Calmly. Without blaming. Without judging.

As for her paycheck... was there an agreement that your salary would cover X and her salary would cover Y? X = expenses, Y = savings and extras? Otherwise that sounds a little odd.

I have stress all the time, and I do not curse and swear at my DW. I am probably going to die of a heart attack, since most of it I keep to myself and just stew. One day I may just snap. They'll say he was such a nice man, once!

As to the paycheck, perhaps I created a monster. Years ago, when she worked last, I paid for everything, including the nanny. She banked her check. I cannot do that anymore. So, she needs to ante up. If she can't do that, I want a divorce. Then she will be forced to ante up on her own.

I'm not advocating that you curse and swear at your wife, but please get a handle on the bolded. It's just really not good for anyone - you obviously, but it's probably not good for your relationship, kids, everyone. It's so important not to do this!!! Look into meditation strategies, seriously. It sounds like you could use some really quality mindful time alone to get some stress out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to justify, but possibly to illuminate:

* she is really stressed about something else entirely, or just over-tired, and this just happened to push her over the edge
* although you feel like you are doing more than 50% of the work, she might also feel like she is doing more than 50% of the work. You both might need to step back and reassess.
* she is not feeling appreciated in some other arena, and this somehow reminded her of that painful (mis?)conception

Either way, I'd say the two of you need to sit down and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Calmly. Without blaming. Without judging.

As for her paycheck... was there an agreement that your salary would cover X and her salary would cover Y? X = expenses, Y = savings and extras? Otherwise that sounds a little odd.

I have stress all the time, and I do not curse and swear at my DW. I am probably going to die of a heart attack, since most of it I keep to myself and just stew. One day I may just snap. They'll say he was such a nice man, once!

As to the paycheck, perhaps I created a monster. Years ago, when she worked last, I paid for everything, including the nanny. She banked her check. I cannot do that anymore. So, she needs to ante up. If she can't do that, I want a divorce. Then she will be forced to ante up on her own.

I'm not advocating that you curse and swear at your wife, but please get a handle on the bolded. It's just really not good for anyone - you obviously, but it's probably not good for your relationship, kids, everyone. It's so important not to do this!!! Look into meditation strategies, seriously. It sounds like you could use some really quality mindful time alone to get some stress out.

+1000

[Anonymous]

OP, didn't that feel good to get that all off your chest this morning? Whenever you feel the need to vent, go ahead and vent to us because that is what we are here for, right?

Anyway, not to make light of it, but as a woman myself, could she be PMS'ing? If so, patience my friend. Patience. This too shall pass. Until next month.

Anyway, you sound like a great guy, wonderful husband and attentive and hands-on father.
I think you + your wife need to have a serious sit down when the kids are not around and when your wife is in a better mood. Address the money issues as well as the household issues.

Perhaps she just doesn't realize how much this all affects you. She may be just taking you for granted and doesn't realize it.

Hopefully she will realize how blessed she is to have such a helpful and caring man in her life (and house!) and be grateful instead of angry.

[Anonymous]

Well, last night she screams at me because I didn't toss some piece of trash in the neighbor's yard that she was convinced came from there. I picked it up off our lawn and simply put it in the bin. Later, she marches upstairs, starts screaming about how I won't give her money for groceries or gas (she spent her budget) and calls me a f**king a** hole who has ruined her life - all in front of the children. I really wished I had a camcorder or audio recorder on to get it all. At the time she did this, I was dusting and vacuuming. She comes back later and acts as if nothing happens and then later wants to cuddle in bed. I got up and moved to the couch.

[Anonymous]

And again last night because I was relaxing while she made dinner.. She went clothes shopping for three hours and dragged me along. We get home at 9 pm. She tells me to go take a shower and then is bitching about all she is left to do. I was up early in the morning doing my house chores while she slept in snd then she wasted three hours with the shopping . Sorry dear, but I feel I earned my alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG I would be in heaven if my husband did what you did even once a week. Sorry but she is out of line.

Seriously. I am thinking of dumping my husband and marrying you. I do all the things you do and more. I also don't get to go to the gym because there is no time, so I work out from home. Your wife dies not know how lucky she has it.

[Anonymous]

Do you give good blowjobs?