a girl classmate called DS gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my fourth grader last year (third grade) although I think it was other boys. He shrugged it off. I mentioned it to the guidance counselor later in the year when he was having some social difficulties, but no one made a big deal about it. I wouldn't make an issue unless that kind of teasing is repeated or he continues to have problems with the classmate in question. My kids' school has a whole set of rules on "debugging" and the idea is to try to teach kids how to deal with annoying / problematic behavior on their own before always running to adults. Your kids' school probably has something similar.

+1. Tell him to shrug it off/ignore it. When kids don't get a reaction, they get bored and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned with reporting it than making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult and anyone who thinks it is is mistaken.

Absolutely this.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him to respond, "it's not nice to call people gay as an insult. There's nothing wrong with being gay."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they're in fourth grade. he told few other boys about it and they said he should report it to the counselor, but DS didn't want to coz he's 'not the tattle telling type.'

would you let it go since it's the 'first offense'?

He sounds wimpy.

DH needs to teach him to grunt.

Op here of the "grunting" thread! That was funny. Hilarious actually. Can you come over to play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my fourth grader last year (third grade) although I think it was other boys. He shrugged it off. I mentioned it to the guidance counselor later in the year when he was having some social difficulties, but no one made a big deal about it. I wouldn't make an issue unless that kind of teasing is repeated or he continues to have problems with the classmate in question. My kids' school has a whole set of rules on "debugging" and the idea is to try to teach kids how to deal with annoying / problematic behavior on their own before always running to adults. Your kids' school probably has something similar.

+1. Tell him to shrug it off/ignore it. When kids don't get a reaction, they get bored and move on.

YES! No reaction = boring.

[Anonymous]

Girl: " You're GAY!"
Your son: "Is that supposed to be an insult? Because there's nothing wrong with being gay." [boy exits and ignores girl if she tries to engage further]

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned with reporting it thanby making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult and anyone who thinks it is is mistaken.

Darling, in elementary school, "gay" is very much an insult. It was a taunt, wasn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned with reporting it thanby making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult and anyone who thinks it is is mistaken.

This definitely. I would not try to teach him some retort to the girl about being gay is okay b/c this will spur her to keep using it an insult.

I know most people think that OP should stay out of this social dynamic, however, boys of this age have been bullied about being gay whether they were or not. Honestly, I don't think it's okay to let it go. I would want my school to address it directly, uniformly, not just single out the girl in this case.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask my kid how it made him feel; see if other kids were also name calling or if it was a one-off, and then talk about how using gay as an insult is ignorant and hurtful.

Yes, he should "get over it" but it is possible that OP's kid *is* gay or otherwise different and took the insult to heart. It is hard to grow up different than your peers. He does need to understand how to react to insults, but he's a kid with feelings too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they're in fourth grade. he told few other boys about it and they said he should report it to the counselor, but DS didn't want to coz he's 'not the tattle telling type.'

would you let it go since it's the 'first offense'?

"first offense"? You're reacting as if it's offensive to be called gay. If your son really is gay, do you see why your reaction is part of the problem? It's understandable, since our culture tends to be homophobic, but no, don't "let it go." Talk this through with your son. Use this as a learning opportunity for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Well, if he is gay I am sure that was a humiliating kick in the crotch. Certainly coach him to act nonplussed. Not an easy feat to learn how to hide your natural reaction to people who are actively trying to shame you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl: " You're GAY!"
Your son: "Is that supposed to be an insult? Because there's nothing wrong with being gay." [boy exits and ignores girl if she tries to engage further]

Done.

Not necessarily. In your fantasy, it's done. In reality, the girl could escalate it and others will start calling him gay, since basically he just embraced it.

Stop thinking like an adult. Think like a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell him to respond, "it's not nice to call people gay as an insult. There's nothing wrong with being gay."

I'm not as nice as you are. I would tell him to respond with "Don't be such a bitch."

And if there are consequences, take the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned with reporting it thanby making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult and anyone who thinks it is is mistaken.

Darling, in elementary school, "gay" is very much an insult. It was a taunt, wasn't it?

"Gay" is certainly MEANT as an insult. It isn't one, though. OP needs to make sure that OP's son knows that.

[Anonymous]

Call the D.C. Human Rights Commission, start a twitter campaign, have the girl arrested, something must be done.