Father is blind to his mortality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother should have looked out for herself.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

OP, you say he has virtually no retirement funds. Is your mom that unable or scared of your father that she is willing to be destitute after his death?
She needs to speak up and stop being a doormat or I see you taking care of your mom in her old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say he has virtually no retirement funds. Is your mom that unable or scared of your father that she is willing to be destitute after his death?
She needs to speak up and stop being a doormat or I see you taking care of your mom in her old age.

Seems like OP's mother has The MAN as the PLAN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP.

PPs may tell you that parents are not obligated to pay for college, but when you see your parents spending a ton of money on themselves, and not helping out their young adult children, it feels as if you are worth less than their toys, doesn't it?

This happened to my mother and her 6 siblings. They were left practically destitute (my mother for a while didn't have enough to eat), while their parents lived in luxury in Switzerland. When my grandmother finally went bankrupt through mismanaging her money and overspending, she SUED her children for support (this was in a country with laws in place for family support). Her children went above and beyond to pay for their undeserving mother, to the end of her life.

How is communication between your father and yourself?
Can you ask him what he thinks will happen if/when he runs out of money?
What was his rationale for not paying for your college?

Plus 1,000. I don't understand people on this forum who think it is okay for wealthy parents not to put their kids through college unless they are the same self absorbed type that won't be doing it for their kids. I know I'll permanently move out of the country before I'll support him in old age given the way he treated me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP.

PPs may tell you that parents are not obligated to pay for college, but when you see your parents spending a ton of money on themselves, and not helping out their young adult children, it feels as if you are worth less than their toys, doesn't it?

This happened to my mother and her 6 siblings. They were left practically destitute (my mother for a while didn't have enough to eat), while their parents lived in luxury in Switzerland. When my grandmother finally went bankrupt through mismanaging her money and overspending, she SUED her children for support (this was in a country with laws in place for family support). Her children went above and beyond to pay for their undeserving mother, to the end of her life.

How is communication between your father and yourself?
Can you ask him what he thinks will happen if/when he runs out of money?
What was his rationale for not paying for your college?

Plus 1,000. I don't understand people on this forum who think it is okay for wealthy parents not to put their kids through college unless they are the same self absorbed type that won't be doing it for their kids. I know I'll permanently move out of the country before I'll support him in old age given the way he treated me.

My fathers education was funded by the GI Bill, as was both of my brothers. My sister and I had scholarships and jobs. We never expected our college to be funded. Just because someone has money doesn't mean they have to give it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP.

PPs may tell you that parents are not obligated to pay for college, but when you see your parents spending a ton of money on themselves, and not helping out their young adult children, it feels as if you are worth less than their toys, doesn't it?

This happened to my mother and her 6 siblings. They were left practically destitute (my mother for a while didn't have enough to eat), while their parents lived in luxury in Switzerland. When my grandmother finally went bankrupt through mismanaging her money and overspending, she SUED her children for support (this was in a country with laws in place for family support). Her children went above and beyond to pay for their undeserving mother, to the end of her life.

How is communication between your father and yourself?
Can you ask him what he thinks will happen if/when he runs out of money?
What was his rationale for not paying for your college?

Plus 1,000. I don't understand people on this forum who think it is okay for wealthy parents not to put their kids through college unless they are the same self absorbed type that won't be doing it for their kids. I know I'll permanently move out of the country before I'll support him in old age given the way he treated me.

Maybe OP's father figured out early that his children were ungrateful and felt entitled? Maybe it was his life lesson to them that you work hard for everything you get. It actually sounds like OP is worried about lack of an inheritance. Her mom can sell the toys if her father dies first and have some money. Lots of options. It seems as though they are having fun and enjoying their golden years.

[Anonymous]

PP
If he treated OP differently than it could be the case. I think that many people who have loving and giving families believe that there is something wrong with the child when things turn out that way because it is unfathomable to them that a parent could do this to a normal child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP.

PPs may tell you that parents are not obligated to pay for college, but when you see your parents spending a ton of money on themselves, and not helping out their young adult children, it feels as if you are worth less than their toys, doesn't it?

This happened to my mother and her 6 siblings. They were left practically destitute (my mother for a while didn't have enough to eat), while their parents lived in luxury in Switzerland. When my grandmother finally went bankrupt through mismanaging her money and overspending, she SUED her children for support (this was in a country with laws in place for family support). Her children went above and beyond to pay for their undeserving mother, to the end of her life.

How is communication between your father and yourself?
Can you ask him what he thinks will happen if/when he runs out of money?
What was his rationale for not paying for your college?

Plus 1,000. I don't understand people on this forum who think it is okay for wealthy parents not to put their kids through college unless they are the same self absorbed type that won't be doing it for their kids. I know I'll permanently move out of the country before I'll support him in old age given the way he treated me.

My fathers education was funded by the GI Bill, as was both of my brothers. My sister and I had scholarships and jobs. We never expected our college to be funded. Just because someone has money doesn't mean they have to give it to you.

Exactly. If I were the OP I certainly won't be worrying about funding my parents' retirement. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

why bother with an mba at his age? seriously short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

Has he already spent the 100K or only some of it. I would sit down with your mother and help her figure out her retirement and benefits with and without your dad. You really need to help your mother figure out how much money is available for her in old age.

Get to your dad thru your mom, once your mom gets the facts and you help her understand them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad is near 70 and has done little to save for his retirement He has always made a very good salary, but fully spends it on "toys" - new new boat, luxury car, $2 million house that they are underwater on etc. He is very healthy and is working full time at his successful medical practice.

He started an Executive MBA program in January and I can't stop thinking about how stupid this is. He is clearly enjoying the classes, but it is so much money. ($100K) He has always had a bit of a God complex and I think this is his latest effort to prove that he has decades left to live.

He might and I hope he does, but there is also my mom's well being to consider. But he can't work forever and just seems insane to drop $100K on a degree at age 70 when you have virtually no retirement funds. My mother is just along for the ride and has never put her foot down as she was a SAHM and has never worked.

This man did not pay for the college education of his children for what it's worth. I turned out fine , but my brothers have really struggled. I am worried I will end up needing to support one or both of them in some capacity .

There is no legal obligation for you to care for them, but there is a moral one. I would talk to both of them and see what their plan is in the event he dies and your mother is alive. Ask specifically how she will be provided for.

If they owe more on their "toys" than it's worth, you aren't going to see any profits from the sale of those items. My MIL's boyfriend is in this situation. She left money for him but he blew it. He also gets 100K per year with pensions, s.s.. Yet he's in more debt than we are and we are living only on DH's income. Not our problem.

Your mother might be woefully ignorant or perhaps there is life insurance or something you don't know about. Regardless, you can ask. They don't have to answer.

The problem you describe is what happens when a woman relies on a man to take care of her. (I am curious if they are conservatives Christian/Republican).

By the way, your parents were not obligated to pay for any of your college tuition. If you wanted it badly enough, you get good grades so you can get good scholarships, work and take out school loans.

That's what this immigrant did. I'm the first to graduate with a college degree in my family. I did it through hard work and with the help of my parents (They paid for my books and allowed me to live at home, so I didn't have those expenses.)

My DH's uncle was a doctor. And they were very wealthy. Got everything handed to them through college. I think 1 of 6 of those children are successful. 2 of them are living at home, one committed suicide and I don't know about the rest. They are all in their 50s and 60s.

[Anonymous]

She will get his social security benefits when he dies.

[Anonymous]

It becomes OP's problem if there's a chance OP has to bail out Mom/Dad/both.

Otherwise, who the fark cares if he wants to get an MBA with his money?

[Anonymous]

Agree that you need to step in and talk to your mom. Part of it could be generational. He has taken charge and she goes along with it. My mom was a SAHM most of her life, has minimal education and has deferred to my dad on all financial matters. The difference here is he has carefully explained how to handle things like his pension, etc when he dies (she is younger and healthier and will likely outlive him) Your mom needs to know what her options are. If the house is underwater I hope her name is not on it. There should be retirement funds in her name since he likely does not have a pension. He needs to be taking care of that before spending discretionary income.