when elderly parents stop eating

[Anonymous]

I gave my Dad smoothies, they say its 3 weeks after they quit eating and thats about right. Hospice for sure.
(90 yo with Parkinsons)

[Anonymous]

Agree. Give him ease, but do not prolong his life if that is not what he wishes.

My grandfather was kept alive with IV for a while, and looking back my family should have let him go sooner.

[Anonymous]

My father was a non-eater (stage IV cancer) on and off for years.
My mom would scream at him.
He'd get upset.

I didn't have the answers but the technique I would use was to take a small amount of food (applesauce, vanilla ice cream) and put it near him.
I'd say, "It in lunch time. Here's some ____. I'm not going to talk to you about it. If you want help eating it. I'm here, reading my book/on my iPad/painting my toenails....".


I'd wait 20 minutes or so and then I'd clean it up. Sometimes he'd say, "I think I'll try a bite." Sometimes that was it.

Sometimes I'd say, "I'm going to ask you now if you want it, and I'm going to ask you again in 20 minutes, but not in between. If you say no, it is a no and I won't ask you again."

His last week of life he asked for pizza (in a hospice center) and 3 days before he died he asked for ice cream. The hospice chef told me that something sweet is usually the thing they look for. For my dad, caramels were a sweet thing. I'd find candy that was from his childhood (Ayers in Arlington) and send them or bring them.

When it was just the 2 of us, he's sometimes let me spoon feed him.

I don't know if you ever had an eating disorder (I did/do) but control and food are hand in hand for some people. Having been on the other end of a lot of plates of food he paid for that ended up in the trash because I was totally upset about something else was kharma for me. That experience helped me remember whether or not something goes in tummy is up to him. The body knows when it doesn't need to replenish anymore, and sometimes the food in his tummy was painful for him.

If you can, be present but let it go. It is his job to eat, not yours. He can choose to retire from that.

AGAIN, I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

If possible, protect him from people who guilt him about it. PLEASE.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother decided she was ready to die. First she stopped getting out of bed. The home health nurse visited one day and said, "Mrs. D, why are you still in bed?" and my grandmother said, "I'm trying to die." She stopped eating a few days later.

It's hard, but it's a valid choice and an attempt, I think, to take control and die with as much dignity as possible.

I'm sorry, OP. Wishing you peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call hospice and see if they can help. I would respect his wishes and Hospice is all about that.[/quote

I am reviving this older thread becuase I remembered rading it not long ago and now I am in the same situation. What does it mean to "call hospice". Who do I call? My grandmother does not want to go to a hospital or to the dotor for tests, but I want to see if maybe we can find a home health care aide becuase she needs 24 hour supervision at this point. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call hospice and see if they can help. I would respect his wishes and Hospice is all about that.[/quote

I am reviving this older thread becuase I remembered rading it not long ago and now I am in the same situation. What does it mean to "call hospice". Who do I call? My grandmother does not want to go to a hospital or to the dotor for tests, but I want to see if maybe we can find a home health care aide becuase she needs 24 hour supervision at this point. Any suggestions?

There are hospice centers available and i think you can call them, however i think a doctor has to order hospice for it to be covered by medicare. Do you have an EAP through your work? They are very helpful

[Anonymous]

There is a stage of hospice that is for comfort but not necessarily end of life.

Pallative Care is what you need. (sp??)

Try Human Service//elder care in your community.

[Anonymous]

A friend just went through this with her Mom - she was over 90 and decided it was time to go. Stopped eating, stopped drinking and then just fell asleep. It was a really good way for her to go and our friend is so thankful she got to be with her Mom at home and say goodbye properly. My own grandma seems to be going into that phase now as well. She is over 90 as well and has just stopped eating a few days ago. I feel like this will be it. Yes it's sad...but I truly think if they can leave that way we should be very very thankful. Keep the hospital out of it, but if there's pain you can get help, you can get a nursing service for example. My friend did this, I am not sure if my Mom will do the same for my grandma. It depends if there's pain, trouble breathing or anything that would make the passing days or weeks a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Well, if your elderly parent stop eating and doesn't want to go see the doctor or go to the hospital I think you should respect his/her wishes. I want *my* wishes to be respected in the future.

However, is there any legal implication for not seeking medical help in those situations? Can you imagine being charged with neglect or worse? Anyone know?