Reply to when elderly parents stop eating

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "when elderly parents stop eating"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My father was a non-eater (stage IV cancer) on and off for years.
My mom would scream at him.
He'd get upset.

I didn't have the answers but the technique I would use was to take a small amount of food (applesauce, vanilla ice cream) and put it near him.
I'd say, "It in lunch time. Here's some ____. I'm not going to talk to you about it. If you want help eating it. I'm here, reading my book/on my iPad/painting my toenails....".

I'd wait 20 minutes or so and then I'd clean it up. Sometimes he'd say, "I think I'll try a bite." Sometimes that was it.

Sometimes I'd say, "I'm going to ask you now if you want it, and I'm going to ask you again in 20 minutes, but not in between. If you say no, it is a no and I won't ask you again."

His last week of life he asked for pizza (in a hospice center) and 3 days before he died he asked for ice cream.  The hospice chef told me that something sweet is usually the thing they look for. For my dad, caramels were a sweet thing. I'd find candy that was from his childhood (Ayers in Arlington) and send them or bring them.

When it was just the 2 of us, he's sometimes let me spoon feed him.

I don't know if you ever had an eating disorder (I did/do) but control and food are hand in hand for some people. Having been on the other end of a lot of plates of food he paid for that ended up in the trash because I was totally upset about something else was kharma for me.  That experience helped me remember whether or not something goes in tummy is up to him.  The body knows when it doesn't need to replenish anymore, and sometimes the food in his tummy was painful for him.

If you can, be present but let it go. It is his job to eat, not yours. He can choose to retire from that.

AGAIN, I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

If possible, protect him from people who guilt him about it. PLEASE.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics