Married & strong feelings for a best friend's wife?

[Anonymous]

Man here.
Never cheated with anyone in my circle, but did start messing around within it after I got divorced. Lot of friends came out of the woodwork to say that they harbored intimate feelings for years. That only confirms what I thought was just my ex-wife being jealous.

I don't think you're overreacting. Where is his best friend? If my best friend washed my ex-wife's car repeatedly or ogled her as you say I would've kicked his ass.

[Anonymous]

Wow...It is very obvious OP that your husband has the "hots" for his buddy's wife. I cannot believe his buddy can't see it on his end.

Anyway, go w/your gut on this one. If you get the feeling that your husband is going a little above and beyond for this gal, then your gut is telling you something.

The fact that you raised the issue w/your hubby and he still CONTINUES to flirt w/her shows such disregard for your feelings that I would seriously take a long look at your marriage in general.

The fact that something like this bothers you so much and makes you uncomfortable, that you personally addressed it w/him and he continues doing it despite considering what you told him shows me your husband is a selfish and pompous jerk.

Sure, you could flirt w/other guys and see how it makes him feel.
But that would be sinking to his level and getting your hands dirty.

I would personally let him know again how you feel, stress how serious you really are and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he continues to flirt w/another woman in front of you, then since he wants to act single, he can have his walking papers because you will be out of there. And mean it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know, I know. I want to call mIss helpless but my husband would forever hate me if I did anything to ruin the relationship with the four of us. He would think i am bat shit crazy if I said anything to anyone. I would bet that they haven't slept with each other, but I just don't like where it's going. I truly think that he is trying to impress his best friend more by taking care of his house,wife, cars, kid dogs, etc to prove that he is a great friend, but the damsel in her is what's bugs me.
We are military and the husband is deployed. Not using this as an excuse I don't think, but sometimes the military people do things like this, maybe?

And that's the problem. I went through this with my DW, except the guy was supposed to be my friend. Found a series of very suggestive emails between them. I talked to her about it, and she immediately backed off. He went on to have an affair with another woman in our circle of friends.

IMO, if he can't accept how you feel...trouble could loom.

Were you able to forgive her?

Forgive my wife? Yes, for sure. She was caught up in feeling attractive, not in wanting another man. I also recognized that I wasn't making her wanted like I used to. I don't think she would have taken it further, esp since he was supposed to be my friend, she did see immediately how wrong it was. We talked about it and made some changes and moved on.

Forgive him? No.

[Anonymous]

My H has an affair with my friend (his friend's wife). We, her H and I, were completely clueless. They flirted openly when around is which we thought harmless but behind our backs were meeting for lunch hookups, etc . Needless to say we aren't all friends anymore, our entire group was affected. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know military folks who look out for each other families. It may not be anything because the husband should be reacting as well.

wif

IF the wife says there is a problem and husband denies it yet continues to spend time with another woman, that's a red flag. IF DH cared about his DW, he would back off and focus on her.

MY DH is generous but would not wash another woman's car (other than his mother's). He is having an affair or leading up to it.

Military wives do cheat. It's hard to be sexually frustrated for so long. Not all of them cheat, but some of them do.

[Anonymous]

Drop her husband an anonymous dime.
Get a PI to put your mind at ease or face reality.

[Anonymous]

NCIS/JAG episode.

[Anonymous]

Is the husband too friendly with her or is she too friendly with him? Sounds like it could go either way so before you go giving your husband a hard time - telling him how he can/can't interact with people and what he can/can't do; how bout you go to the source itself. Go talk to Ms Friendly and tell her how much you love your husband while you just so happen to be sharpening a butcher knife that you had concealed in your pocket when you came over. Just go 'head sharpen that thang and go on and on about how happy you are in your marriage, how much you love your husband, and how you'd KILL A BITCH!!!! if she so much as thought of trying to come between you and your man.

I bet you her friendly ass will be able to catch a damn cab or call someone else next time she needs a ride home from the airport after that.

[Anonymous]

I screwed by best friend's DH. My DH and I were struggling. Her DH was a great guy to her and she never appreciated him. So I did. When were together as couples, we acted very formal and unfamiliar although he would do general favors when DH was out of town (taking both our kids to sports practices, etc.). On the flip side, we were talking and boning on a regular basis. They moved out of town for a job so things cooled down.

OP, either is he boning her or they are headed down that road. Step in now.

[Anonymous]

He will just deny. Get proof or prepare to hear "I'm just doing the honorable thing, we look out for our own" bullshit.

[Anonymous]

OP,

tell your husband that if he cannot see why flirting like this and helping her with her life is inappropriate, that is a SURE sign that he is ready for an affair.

Tell the friend's wife that your husband is not available. If they communicate directly, I would threaten divorce.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Appearances, sadly, are very important.

I chatted for months with a fellow parent waiting while our kids went to different extra-curriculars together. He and I are both from the same country and it was pleasant talking in our native language. His wife is not from that country and I always thought she never warmed to me.

All of a sudden, he has stopped coming to his child's activities and another parent drops off his kid for him. This, together with a few other happenings, has made me wonder whether the wife suspected there was something between us, which there was not. But I completely understand her point of view and who knows? I might have applied a little pressure too had our roles been reversed.

[Anonymous]

This sounds exactly like the affair my husband's ex had when he was deployed. (lucky for me, sad for him) If anything, I'd slowly start building up a financial cushion, then confront him. He's going to deny it but its obvious or she'd ask for you help over his. There is no need for him to be washing her car. Fix something major in the house... ok. Airport... maybe but this sounds overboard.

[Anonymous]

He's washing more than her car

[Anonymous]

To be honest, married people aren't always aware they are drifting into an emotional affair. Falling in love doesn't always feel the same way. I agree that couples should establish rules about behavior with other people. To label some activities acceptable and others off-limits. It's harder to establish rules about feelings that could be totally platonic with one person, but tip into romance with another. If you fell for your husband because he was funny, are you not allowed to find any other male humorous? If it was DH's intellect that made your heart flutter, are you supposed to convince yourself all other men are morons? Judging by my partner, I find dependable and honor-bound to be the most attractive trait of all, should I decline to interact with any males who are good husbands?