having kids was the wrong choice?
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Anonymous
This. Can you go back to work (in no way insinuating that SAHM is not actual work)? I love my kids, but I know whole-heartedly that I could not be a SAHM. I would probably go crazy. |
Anonymous
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OP, I can relate somewhat. I have a 20 month old DS and this weekend was rough. I came to work this morning and my colleague said, "you don't look well." I just wanted to break down and cry, and I realize it's because I've been holding in a tremendous amount of stress.
I work FT out of the home and do my fair share of cooking/cleaning. DH is an equal partner, but DS is just a hand full. I am just not enjoying DS, and I too wonder if I made a mistake -- obviously an irrepairable one because I would never abandon my family (although I fantasize about it a lot). |
Anonymous
| What about putting them in part time daycare? |
Anonymous
| Absolutely having kids was the wrong choice for me. I never ever say that to anyone in my real life, but I will here anonymously. But there's not a lot I can do about that but try to manage the circumstances best I can to keep myself sane and a good mother to them. For me, that means working and hiring help to take care of them, even though it means we are in debt. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
| i've had days where i said "I'm done". I actually told my husband today that I wanted to leave the house and get away from everyone. I didn't mean a word of it. It's just very very hard to parent young children. |
Anonymous
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I have only one but I know it was a wrong choice for me. He is not that young, is in part time preschool, I stay home, and still. I wish I could put him in full time daycare. But I don't think it would really help.
My life has changed and it will take so much effort to put it back on track somewhat. I am so mad at my son when he starts whining or tantruming, I have to go to another room and cuss at him in private. There are moments I hate him, and moments when I despise him. I so hope he never guesses how I feel 
I do hope I can get a full time job soon, maybe that will help. |
Anonymous
I bet it will. Some women are not cut out to be hands-on mothers. Hire as much help as you need. |
Anonymous
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Hire help.
My mother constantly reminded my sister and I that we ruined her life. Don't do that to your kids. |
Anonymous
| Hire help. Get a job. It worked for me. And the toddler years really will be over before you know it (although days drag on). |
Anonymous
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Glad I found this thread bc the one about "Are you happy" really bummed me out. Yes, OP, I get where you are coming from. I happen to think that a lot of it turns on whether you have a difficult or an easy child/children. If I were in your position I would be thinking exactly what you are. You MUST find a way to get a break for yourself. If finances are tight, think about a babysitting swap. It helps on both sides - when your child has a friend over, they will be less of a handful for you. And then they get to visit somewhere else.
I am so sorry you're feeling this way. If I knew you IRL I would totally do a babysitting swap with you or even just babysit for a while. Take care of yourself. |
Anonymous
Just curious, what do you mean by "my kids ruin everything"? |
Anonymous
I am on a visa that does not allow me to work. It might take a year or two to change. I cannot really justify five mornings a week preschool - and I am not sure it will help (as I went from no help to 3 mornings a week and I still feel it is not enough). Most of the time I am ok, not feeling unhappy, but sometimes- on a rare occasion when DS wakes up at night and would not go back to sleep, or when he wakes up super early, and I am sleep deprived- I feel this quiet, numb desperation...I don't know how to describe it. It's like I am stuck and there is no way out. My H turned out to be a disappointment to me, but I am stuck with him for a while, so this also adds up. I just need to wait it out for a couple years and maybe I can change my life after that. But then, the kid won't go away  so I don't know.
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Anonymous
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I have one and feel this way sometimes. I'm in grad school so alternate between being in class/the hospital 3 days a week and being on break from school. The breaks are definitely harder for me having DS full-time (although it is getting easier now that he's 19 months and talks, does independent play, etc.). I think I was depressed for a while and let that take over. I have to make the commitment to take him to classes/activities so he interacts with other kids/I interact with other moms. We get together for lunch with friends/my parents who do not work normal 9-5 schedules or are retired.
Once a week or every other week, I meet friends for dinner/drinks and DH is with DS. DH and I make sure we either have a date night or get together with friends at least once a month. At least once a month we also make sure to do something with friends with DS along with us (none of our friends have kids). This usually involves hosting a dinner party or going to a friend's house that has space for us to set up DS. Just trying to make sure that I'm not "mom" 24/7 has really helped me and has made a huge difference in how I feel. |
Anonymous
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OP, I do not know what your financial situation is, but if you can afford some type of preschool or day program for them, even a few days per week, it can do wonders for your self.
I fully understand how you feel as I was a SAHM until my two children started school. It is lonely, boring, stressful, chaotic, messy, and isolating. You are constantly doing, doing doing. You are tied down physically and emotionally and little things most people can do in 5 seconds can take 5 minutes! Most of all, you lose your identity. You miss doing the things you did pre children. Like being able to just get up and leave the house on a whim. Those days are long gone. Days where you could read a book in a day. Or sit down and watch a 1-hr. show w/out interruption are impossible as well. This too shall pass. It isn't forever. I hope you have a supportive husband who you can talk to. And/or family members who can help out from time to time. Another great resource for you would be a Mother's group. For support, companionship and even play-dates. If money is an issue, l would look around for a baby-sitting co-op in your neighborhood. Hope this helps. |
Anonymous
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Take care, OP-there are some really good suggestions here.
This may be slightly off topic, but I wanted to thank everyone on this post for their honesty. In real life, very few women admit that they sometimes wish that they hadn't had children. You can love your children dearly but also know that maybe becoming a parent wasn't the best choice for you. |