Foster to adopt in MD and DC--What do I need to know
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Anonymous
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Thanks for the info about Lutheran Family Services. I will register with them. Any more agency recommendations? Keep it coming, and thank you.
P.S. I have two cousins from Lutheran Family Services and one from Christ Child House. |
Anonymous
Um, not true at all. Plenty of DC foster kids are living with foster families in Maryland. Half of my class at CFSA was MD families wanting to foster. |
Anonymous
You can't just "supplement" therapy at your whim. IT IS NOT YOUR CHILD. You cannot do anything without parental consent. Or, the court has to order it, which can take months. You need to go to the CFSA orientation and get real facts. |
Anonymous
The OP is interested in "foster to adopt." |
Anonymous
My point still stands. Fostering means fostering. Even if it's "to adopt" IT IS NOT YOUR CHILD UNTIL YOU ADOPT THEM. Also - in DC, even if you're a pre-adoptive home, you still have low odds of actually adopting that infant that you're fostering. So OP should think about how much FMLA leave she wants to use for a kid that might go live with grandma in 8 weeks. My dear friends have had 7 children in their homes over the course of two years. Not one of them became available for adoption. Now, I managed to adopt the very first child ever placed in my home as a foster kid - but that was pure luck. Believe me, I'm still living this. No medical procedures that aren't approved, no therapy that's not approved, no ANYTHING that's not approved! The only way this doesn't apply is if the parents rights have already been terminated, which is hardly ever the case. |
Anonymous
| Why do you have to get approval for a child that you have adopted? |
Anonymous
The approvals are for BEFORE they are adopted. While you are FOSTERING them. People seems to just gloss over the foster part of the equation. |
Anonymous
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OP- I think it is great that you are interested in foster care. There are a few different ways to read your post-- which substantially impact your 'odds' of success.
1. by "foster to adopt" do you mean that you are interested in becoming a foster parent, and are prepared to fully support reunification with biological families for children placed in your home, but that you would be prepared to adopt in the event that reunification efforts are unsuccessful? If so that is realistic. Or do you mean that you only want to accept children into your home that have a goal of adoption? If you intend to accept infants this is not realistic, and I would be surprised if any agency would certify you. 2. From your post it sounds like you only want to take infants? By infants do you mean newborns? Or do you mean young children- possibly up to age 4? You also do not want any mental illness? By that do you mean you don't want a child diagnosed with a mental illness, or you don't want a child whose biological family has a history of mental illness? And only some drug abuse? I would encourage you to think carefully about your constraints. You asked how to make yourself 'marketable' to social services. Well- think about what they are trying to do/ what there needs are. I am a foster parent-- I think I have only had 1 child come into my home who did not either have a diagnosed mental illness themselves, or have a parent with a mental illness. Interestingly enough the child without any diagnosis was probably the child with the most intense special needs. 3. To the extent you are wanting a newborn- first understand that newborns coming into foster care are pretty rare. The primary reason that a newborn is taken into foster care is that they are born drug addicted. The 2nd most common reason is that the biological mother has a severe mental illness, and has had previous involvement with social services. There may be other reasons- but I can't come up with any. 4. You have to realize that it is really quite expensive for an agency to train, certify, and maintain a foster home. They only do this if they think it is worth the expense- which means that you can fill what their needs are. |
Anonymous
| OP here, keep the information coming. It is very helpful. Yes, I would take substance abuse but not fetal alcohol syndrome. I am afraid that I don't have experience with FAS. I am open to fostering with the goal of reunification but I would love to adopt after fostering. |
Anonymous
It's too difficult to know this when taking an infant. You can look for facial features but a child could have FAE. You should assume that drug and alcohol addicition go hand in hand for the purposes of determining what needs you can meet. If they child doesn't suffer from FAE/FAS, then that's great. |
Anonymous
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21:47 - thank you for being so calm and putting it so clearly. I was too busy having a rage stroke that I couldn't write it out properly (I am 12:04, 13:08 and 18:19).
People just need to understand that reunification is always the goal, and if you can handle (not just handle - support) that goal, then fostering is for you. If you can't, you need to save up and do private adoption. |
Anonymous
Thanks! I don't always succeed with calmness- as you could see if you were able to identify my many previous posts in this forum when people express interest in fostering. The thing about it is- there is a desperate need for more foster parents, and I really do want people to get involved in the foster system. I also think that it is possible for people who are primarily interested in adopting to be outstanding foster parents, and fully supportive of reunification. It does- however- drive me up the wall when people think that they can essentially order up a newborn from the foster care system to their specifications. |
Anonymous
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13:10, OP here. You will not scare me away. Yes, I still want an infant and my personal family adoption history (10 cousins, 1 aunt) have all been from infant/toddler adoptions with more than half from the foster care system. I asked here because my aunts and uncles are in the late 60s and 70s now. Things are very different now, so I need recent/relevant experience.
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Anonymous
| Reunification is the primary goal. It is very difficult to get an infant as parents have the right to parent their child. It takes time to be reported and a child removed in less there are extenuating situations and those kids are first placed with siblings. Most infants will go to the seasoned foster parents waiting a long time or have relationships with the workers. It is possible, but it is difficult. It is very rare to get a straight adoption situation. You need to be very open to mental health or substance abuse issues or both. You can't always see what is going on with a newborn or infant so you need to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Everyone's experience is different. |
Anonymous
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"No medical procedures that aren't approved, no therapy that's not approved, no ANYTHING that's not approved! The only way this doesn't apply is if the parents rights have already been terminated, which is hardly ever the case. "
++ I have more than one friend who fosters and this is exactly how it goes, you must follow the 'approved' med procedures and take them to the approved therapies unless a court has terminated the parent's rights and given you, the foster parent, the right to do anything outside the 'approved' appts/procedures. Where I live there are multiple agencies that handle fostering for my county. It's not hard to look at the rules for fostering for each one, they are very extensive and detailed and they are all online. See if yours are online... |