Angry and disturbed brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"He would say she was dressed inappropriately, was talking to boys, was being disrespectful to him, should respect him because he is older, etc. She did wear some tight clothes like skinny jeans and has guy friends but that's it."

I am concerned about everything you have posted here but this particular thing makes me wonder--why is he concerned about this? Why does her attire and relationships with boys set him off? This is yet another red flag for me.

These sound cultural to me--there are definitely places where brothers are routinely very controlling over their sisters, especially about what they wear and how they interact with boys.

OP, you need to remove your sister from this situation. Perhaps she can stay with a friend, but don't tell your brother where, until something can be worked out for your brother. I'm not sure I'd tell your parents; it sounds like with sufficient threats from him they might tell him

He can be committed if he is a danger to himself or others--I am surprised the police didn't suggest that with the earlier attack when they were called in. It is a 72 hour hold, but weekends don't count, so if you get him in on a Friday afternoon, the clock won't start ticking until Monday, and only after the psychiatrist sees him. With luck, that would not be until Tuesday so you will have bought an extra three days.

It sounds like your parents just really aren't ready to admit the gravity of the problem or don't know where to turn. People have offered a lot of good suggestions like calling DCPS etc. But you could arrange a family psych consult with you and your parents and have a professional advise on a next step. They are much better acquainted with all the local resources that are available that could be helpful for you. This would be lower key than bringing in the authorities and possibly could result in a successful plan for convincing your brother he needs help and taking it. The police and other authorities would always be immediate options of this doesn't work.

Finally, am concerned about previous bath salt use and possibility he is doing it again. Bath salts can induce severe psychiatric behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Your brother, like mine has mental illness.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thanks for the advice, though some was hard to read. I know I sound horrible and my parents do as well. If this was another poster asking about the same issue, I would also think 'wtf, why aren't the parents doing a anything, etc, etc.

To answer a few questions:

-This is not a cultural or gender issue. No we are not American but the clothing issue was never a problem for anyone except my brother and only in the last months.When she dressed similarly a year ago, he never said anything.
-I can count the number of times I remember being spanked by parents on one hand. They are not abusive with us at all or with each other, so no, this is not something that is a cycle going on in the house.


Since I last posted, minus verbal arguments, there was not much. This is how my brother is......fight one day then can be fine the next. Two days ago I had an argument with him and he repeatedly threw water at me and then started throwing the glasses as well. I called the non emergency number to ask about options other than jail because I feel he needs help and jail isn't going to help him mentally but I was a coward once again and didn't call one of the centers suggested. He once again went after my sister and we called the police but she told us to hang up because she didn't want to make a statement. Parents told him to leave but he refused. I know, so many errors on their and my parts. Yesterday, my brother got into another altercation and is now in jail on felony charges that my dad filed. This all feels so weird to me....like a movie I'm watching because this shouldn't be happening in real life....I am going to be honest no matter how horrible people think I am since this forum for the most part is Anonymous - I'm glad he finally is out of the house because he was making our lives so hard and stressful and painful. We should have filed charges the very first time he got physical and I truly regret that we didn't do enough to protect my sister because she or anyone else never deserves to be treated this way. She is so beautiful, smart, strong and we should have protected her so much more. I think for my parents, they kept on wanting to believe that he would change but yesterday I know it was the breaking point and my dad was adamant about filing charges when the police asked if he was sure he wanted to.

Now, despite all this, a part of me feels bad about him in jail. I truly feel that jail is not the answer but mental help is. I am not sure if once a felony is charged, it could be reversed so he could get treatment that he needs? I know how bad that sounds after everything that happened but I truly feel years in a cell is not going to help him with what is wrong with him.

Sorry for the rambling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have a 21 year old brother that started having problems about 3 years ago. He was I think, addicted to bath salts and marijuana. Also had a dui and was arrested, as he hit a car. My parents bailed him out after 2 days i think. He went to rehab and but that didn't help. Around the same time, he was cutting himself and my parents had to call the police. He was committed for a week or two then my parents sent him out of the country to live with family for a few months as they thought it would be a change of environment. That was about 2 years ago. He came back, went back to college, got a job working for my bil....thought things were getting better.

He started started arguments with my little sister, to the point where he would get physical with her at times. I know it's horrible, but my parents did not call the police because they - dad more so - was afraid he would try to commit suicide. This was over inconsequential shit. He would say she was dressed inappropriately, was talking to boys, was being disrespectful to him, should respect him because he is older, etc. She did wear some tight clothes like skinny jeans and has guy friends but that's it. She would cuss him out but only after he repeatedly provoked her - getting in her face, going in her room to start arguments, etc. A couple weeks ago, she called me crying saying to come home because he was hitting her. No one was home except for my sister, my brother and my mom but my mom could not restrain him. I had to take her to a clinic to get stitches because during the fight, he had thrown a mug at her and she cut her head. Once again, he started the argument and was trashing her until she responded negatively to him, which made him rage. She was not talking to him for months and this probably bothered him. No matter how much I yell at him or his parents, it doesn't seem to faze him. I stopped talking to him a while ago unless I strictly bad to and so did our other siblings.

This past Friday, I was at work and he once again was trying to argue with my sister. My dad had her go to a friend's house and left the house. He went to the police station to file charges against my brother because he was fed up with him and the police came to the house. My sister was brought back home to make a statement but nothing came of it.

I really want my parents to kick my brother out of the house - yes, he still lives there. I feel like he has had way too many chances and for some 8dd reason he has issues with my little sister for no reason. I feel like their fear over him hurting himself is not more important than the well being of my sister who has done nothing to provoke my misguided brother's rage. I know they also want to keep things 'in the family' but I know that it is not healthy at all.

Any advice? What could be possible reasons my brother acts this way and is there any hope for him or is he a lost cause? What would you do in this situation?

Your parents are weak and they will do nothing. Sadly, your sister could die and they will be charged for not protecting her. THEY NEED TO KICK HIM OUT. Your poor sister does NOT deserved to be treated like this. If your parents won't protect her, can she come live with you? See a lawyer ASAP about getting her removed from your parents home. Sounds like they have their own mental issues or they are too weak to protect your sister. I have no sympathy or respect for your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's almost impossible to get someone committed for more than 72 hours, even if he is diagnosed bipolar or schizophrenic, etc. There are group homes in the community that may be an option. He needs solid consistent care and your parents need to set some limits. It sounds like they know he is incapable of caring for himself and his rage is a factor in intimidating them. One hard choice is tell your sister to share the abuse with her school: the counselor or the teacher are mandated to report this to CPS, which may get the ball rolling on getting him under control or out of the house. You can certainly call then directly yourself if you wish to cut out the middleman.

I would encourage this. If a student told me, I would definitely report this. Teachers and guidance counselors are mandated reporters.