Angry and disturbed brother
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Anonymous
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have a 21 year old brother that started having problems about 3 years ago. He was I think, addicted to bath salts and marijuana. Also had a dui and was arrested, as he hit a car. My parents bailed him out after 2 days i think. He went to rehab and but that didn't help. Around the same time, he was cutting himself and my parents had to call the police. He was committed for a week or two then my parents sent him out of the country to live with family for a few months as they thought it would be a change of environment. That was about 2 years ago. He came back, went back to college, got a job working for my bil....thought things were getting better.
He started started arguments with my little sister, to the point where he would get physical with her at times. I know it's horrible, but my parents did not call the police because they - dad more so - was afraid he would try to commit suicide. This was over inconsequential shit. He would say she was dressed inappropriately, was talking to boys, was being disrespectful to him, should respect him because he is older, etc. She did wear some tight clothes like skinny jeans and has guy friends but that's it. She would cuss him out but only after he repeatedly provoked her - getting in her face, going in her room to start arguments, etc. A couple weeks ago, she called me crying saying to come home because he was hitting her. No one was home except for my sister, my brother and my mom but my mom could not restrain him. I had to take her to a clinic to get stitches because during the fight, he had thrown a mug at her and she cut her head. Once again, he started the argument and was trashing her until she responded negatively to him, which made him rage. She was not talking to him for months and this probably bothered him. No matter how much I yell at him or his parents, it doesn't seem to faze him. I stopped talking to him a while ago unless I strictly bad to and so did our other siblings. This past Friday, I was at work and he once again was trying to argue with my sister. My dad had her go to a friend's house and left the house. He went to the police station to file charges against my brother because he was fed up with him and the police came to the house. My sister was brought back home to make a statement but nothing came of it. I really want my parents to kick my brother out of the house - yes, he still lives there. I feel like he has had way too many chances and for some 8dd reason he has issues with my little sister for no reason. I feel like their fear over him hurting himself is not more important than the well being of my sister who has done nothing to provoke my misguided brother's rage. I know they also want to keep things 'in the family' but I know that it is not healthy at all. Any advice? What could be possible reasons my brother acts this way and is there any hope for him or is he a lost cause? What would you do in this situation? |
Anonymous
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Did they give him a diagnosis when he was committed. It sounds like he has a mental illness that isn't being treated. Could be a thought disorder of some kind (schizoaffective, schizophrenia) or a mood disorder.
He sounds like he needs a comprehensive mental health assessment. |
Anonymous
| Mental illness |
Anonymous
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He is the 'perfect' age for the onset of mental illness. If not treated through the health system, the prison system becomes the de facto mental health containment program.
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Anonymous
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OP,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. 1. Your sister must be safe. She has to have her phone on her at all times and be ready to call 911. It is absolutely a no-no to have your sister and brother in the same house! She could be attacked in her sleep, even if she locks her door (which would probably provoke him). If your parents are too stupid to kick their son out, you need to persuade your sister to leave the house and go elsewhere, maybe live with you (but then he could try to enter that house as well). Is she still in high school? 2. Your brother must be treated for his mental illness ASAP. Do your parents realize he has one? Do they realize the urgency of the situation - that he is a danger to others and not just to himself? What do they prefer? That he kill himself or that he kill his sister and then gets the whole court proceedings, public headlines and life sentence? In that light, making an effort to get him psychiatric help seems like small potatoes, doesn't it? Please don't let your sister become a statistic, OP. |
Anonymous
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He is mentally ill. Your parents need to get him committed.
Why do they value your brother so much more than your sister?? Is your home country one where sons are favored and domestic violence is common? Your sister needs to take out a restraining order against your brother. Is there any way she could move in with you? |
Anonymous
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All of the above posters make good points but it sounds like you are all living in your parents' home. It's up to them to decide how to handle this.
I doubt your parents value your brother more than you and your sisters. It's just very, very hard for parents to commit a child and to get over their denial about substance abuse and mental illness. My husband was a teenaged addict and alcoholic. He told me that his parents accepted all of his excuses about his behavior/addiction (I'm just holding these drugs for a friend, etc.) It was easier for them to be in denial than to accept his addiction. |
Anonymous
| It's almost impossible to get someone committed for more than 72 hours, even if he is diagnosed bipolar or schizophrenic, etc. There are group homes in the community that may be an option. He needs solid consistent care and your parents need to set some limits. It sounds like they know he is incapable of caring for himself and his rage is a factor in intimidating them. One hard choice is tell your sister to share the abuse with her school: the counselor or the teacher are mandated to report this to CPS, which may get the ball rolling on getting him under control or out of the house. You can certainly call then directly yourself if you wish to cut out the middleman. |
Anonymous
| How old is your sister? |
Anonymous
There are many options to accessing help other than having him committed. Taking him to a mental health professional for an assessment would be a start. Likely the only way this situation will improve is through mental health care (improve for all) or through incarceration (improve for sister). He is ill. trying to deal with it through the criminal justice system is only going to leave the family feeling guilty and the son sicker than ever. If the sister is a minor then living situations for her / the brother need to be looked at to maintain her safety until he is treated. |
Anonymous
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One more thought - OP if your sister is not yet an adult you can call the county child protective services and register your concerns for her safety.
But this whole situation is a larger mess of course, of addiction, mental illness (very possibly) and codependence. The whole family needs help. |
Anonymous
| People commit murder on bath salts. What are your parents waiting for? The best case scenario if they dont kick out your brother is that your sister is placed in foster care where she will be safe. I hope for her sake that happens. |
Anonymous
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"He would say she was dressed inappropriately, was talking to boys, was being disrespectful to him, should respect him because he is older, etc. She did wear some tight clothes like skinny jeans and has guy friends but that's it."
I am concerned about everything you have posted here but this particular thing makes me wonder--why is he concerned about this? Why does her attire and relationships with boys set him off? This is yet another red flag for me. |
Anonymous
+1 Bath salts are horrible and far down the line of most people's drug of choice. This guy is seriously messed up. |
Anonymous
Could very much be part of his mental illness and distorted thought process. |