Do you have a child that is gay or bi?

[Anonymous]

Yep. I very gently said, "I don't mean to steal your thunder because I know this is a big moment for you, but I've known since you were six or seven." Then we laughed. Then I forced him through a talk about safe sex and healthy relationships.

Our relationship is the same as it's always been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here seems to be accepting. That's not the case in my conservative religious family.

Are you the parent or the kid?

I was thinking about this the other day. I always knew I'd make sure any kids I had would know they were always safe and loved in my house, regardless of orientation. I'd had several friends put through the ringer by their families when they came out.

Now that I'm actually a parent, I can't imagine anything less than 100% support for my kids.

If you are the patent, be your kid's champion. The hell with the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

Same as how 50-60% of homeless kids identify as non-straight. Part of the culture. Teens in foster care/group homes also have much higher rates of non straight orientations.

When development hits big barriers (abuse, trauma, neglect, mental illness) one would expect that really all parts of development process would be impacted, including sexual orientation. People who identify as non straight report far more early life trauma.

[Anonymous]

Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

PP with the 13 year old here. This is interesting to me. Do you have data/links? My DD has been struggling with anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. I do think that she is in some way trying on this persona/role as a way to develop membership in a peer/social group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here seems to be accepting. That's not the case in my conservative religious family.

Do you mean "family of origin" and extneded family of the teen (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) or you and your spouse related to the teen? You really can only express your feelings about it and if someone tells you they're gay- either overtly or other- then just support them, let them know you love them regardless, and treat them the same as if they were straight. Assuming that is your opinion.

I'm open about my support of gay marriage and gay rights. My position is that loving families come in all shapes and sizes whether they be gay, straight, blended, adopted, divorced, or grandparents raising kids. I try to avoid arguments about it, I have my opinion and others are certainly entitled to theirs. But occasionally I'll tell people I prefer Jesus' Sermon on the Mount over Leviticus. All the "God hates Fags" garbage comes from the Old Testament and is contrary to Jesus' primary message of unconditional love.

He without sin may cast the first stone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

Same as how 50-60% of homeless kids identify as non-straight. Part of the culture. Teens in foster care/group homes also have much higher rates of non straight orientations.

When development hits big barriers (abuse, trauma, neglect, mental illness) one would expect that really all parts of development process would be impacted, including sexual orientation. People who identify as non straight report far more early life trauma.

Did you ever think that these kids are being kicked out of their homes for being gay/bi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

PP with the 13 year old here. This is interesting to me. Do you have data/links? My DD has been struggling with anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. I do think that she is in some way trying on this persona/role as a way to develop membership in a peer/social group.

Let me track you down some links. I did research into this a couple years ago. Probably still have it somewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially in teen girls and even more so in teen girls with mental health problems it seems to be very common to experiment with orientations. If they are struggling with identity, it makes sense they are struggling in all realms.

Same as how 50-60% of homeless kids identify as non-straight. Part of the culture. Teens in foster care/group homes also have much higher rates of non straight orientations.

When development hits big barriers (abuse, trauma, neglect, mental illness) one would expect that really all parts of development process would be impacted, including sexual orientation. People who identify as non straight report far more early life trauma.

Did you ever think that these kids are being kicked out of their homes for being gay/bi?

That may be true for a very small proportion but for the most part it isn't. These aren't kids from great homes that are anti-gay. It is rarely situations where parents and straight sibs are at home having a great life and just this one child gets kicked out or leaves because s/he is gay. These are mostly kids from quite dysfunctional homes where there are tons of issues, and their parents and sibs are also having issues. And often these teens don't self-identity as non-straight until they are on the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I very gently said, "I don't mean to steal your thunder because I know this is a big moment for you, but I've known since you were six or seven." Then we laughed. Then I forced him through a talk about safe sex and healthy relationships.

Our relationship is the same as it's always been.

Hilarious. It must have been such a relief for him..and I love the way you handled it.

[Anonymous]

I come from a very gay family. 25% gay (2 siblings, 3 cousins are homosexual). It was hard on my generation coming out and being accepted. I'm 100% sure it's genetic. My mom grew up with an "odd" uncle...
I have 2 sons. Statistically, I wouldn't be shocked if one were gay. Personally, I wonder about my 4 my year old. He's wired different, I'm just not sure and it doesn't matter. I'll love him and support him for who he is.
My mom said she could tell with my sister and brother by 4. She asked her ped, and oddly for someone 40+ years ago, stated they would be what they would be.

[Anonymous]

Here is a chart on the dynamic and fluid state of sexual orientation identity during adolescence. If you scroll down to the graphs you can see that many who identified as gay/lesbian and bi as teens changed that orientation as they got older. A few who identified as straight changed as well but to a lesser degree.

[Anonymous]

link
http://www.mygenes.co.nz/Change.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here seems to be accepting. That's not the case in my conservative religious family.

Are you the parent or the kid?

I was thinking about this the other day. I always knew I'd make sure any kids I had would know they were always safe and loved in my house, regardless of orientation. I'd had several friends put through the ringer by their families when they came out.

Now that I'm actually a parent, I can't imagine anything less than 100% support for my kids.

If you are the patent, be your kid's champion. The hell with the rest of the family.

Neither. No kids yet nor a significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:42 here. Well, that's exactly my concern, I don't see how a kid that age could know. But OTOH, this is something that she has communicated that she feels strongly about and is very important to her. And I have asked friends who are gay/bi and they have all said that as young as MS, they knew at least to some degree how they felt. And many of them said that MS was when they first started experimentation at sleepovers, etc. So as her parents, we have told her that we love her, but she is young and doesn't need to have this all figured out right now.

These days, it is not at all uncommon for kids to come out at 12 or 13 years old, and apparently they are old enough to know. They aren't ready for sex, but they know which gender they are attracted to.

[Anonymous]

For those who say they knew when their kid was 4 or 6 or whatever -- how? Is it just that they acted different from their siblings and had different interests? I'd like to think it isn't the stereotypical -- he's a boy but he won't play with trucks or sports and he'd rather play with an ez-bake oven, but is that what it was?