Obnoxious comments from MIL that we should "stop at 2" kids

[Anonymous]

I looked my MIL dead in the eyes with a perplexed look on my face and said, "You're ... not at all obligated to be involved in any way. In fact, we'd rather you're not if you can't be supportive." Then I walked away. She never brought it up again.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks, everyone. Its comforting to hear that this is ridiculous and I'm not the only one dealing with it. I am a laid back person, drama free and don't really insert myself in others' affairs, so it's just soo frustrating to deal with her. She's so negative and will find fault with everything/everyone - she can suck the joy out of things for sure.

I think when she next brings it up, I'll just firmly say something like some pp's have suggested, and then try really hard to not let her get under my skin.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone should stop at two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should stop at two kids.

Hi MIL!

[Anonymous]

We'd love to have 4 or 5! I would say something once to shut her down, then never entertain the comments again.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Who cares what she thinks?

I do know someone whose mom used to say this, and the daughter would just shake her head and roll her eyes. She wanted to stop at 2 anyway, but had a surprise 3rd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wrote in my son's (second child) baby book, "We [FIL] feel like your family is complete!". After all, we had one boy and one girl, the perfect family.

My MIL is the most narrow minded person I can think of; if she can't directly relate/hasn't experienced something personally, she lacks empathy. She had two children, so therefore, this is right and normal.

Then, we had our third. She was shocked! And couldn't wait to ask me if this baby was an accident.

Maybe your MIL is the same way? Did she only have two and therefore that is the ideal?

Yes! (This is op). She is very close minded and thinks everyone should do exactly what she did - have two kids, live in suburbs, stay at home. We live in the city and I WOH, and we want a third (maybe!) My BIL and his wife, otoh, are following her prescribed path and the favoritism toward them/their child is completely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three is selfish.

Please tell that to women in developing countries with no running water.

??? women in developing countries with no running water have more children in part because they don't expect them all to survive.

It's not the same thing here. I agree with PP, I think at some point it is selfish to keep having children. Just because other people do doesn't make it okay. We are reaching a point where the farming practices that enable us to have enough food to feed the population growth are simply no longer sustainable. From a big picture perspective, it would be better longer term if families only had replacement rate (i.e. 2 children per couple). This is looking beyond the social security issue; it's about resources. At some point, it just isn't going to work.

I am always tempted to roll my eyes at people who claim to be fervent environmentalists but have more than 2 kids. The two positions are simply not compatible.

But I get that it would be a very politically messy and emotional thing trying to tell people not to keep breeding. I do find it amusing, though, when people on here are completely fine telling poor people not to have more kids but give rich people a pass. When it comes to natural resources, it doesn't matter whether the increased population is rich or poor -- there still won't be enough in natural resources to comfortably sustain that growth.

[Anonymous]

My parents-in-law used to say things like this and I just ignored it, although, to be honest, it did bother me. Then we had our third, and guess what?! They simply adore her! Someone may have a general belief that two is the right number because she had two, but it is hard to resist that actual real third baby sitting on her lap.

You just have to do what's right for your own family and not let comments by others bother you. She may have concerns about the difficulty of taking care of three or providing financially for three, but only you and your spouse know what is right for your family. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL you have a hard time keeping her son off of you and his dick in his pants. Ask her what she did to raise such a horny male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three is selfish.

Please tell that to women in developing countries with no running water.

??? women in developing countries with no running water have more children in part because they don't expect them all to survive.

It's not the same thing here. I agree with PP, I think at some point it is selfish to keep having children. Just because other people do doesn't make it okay. We are reaching a point where the farming practices that enable us to have enough food to feed the population growth are simply no longer sustainable. From a big picture perspective, it would be better longer term if families only had replacement rate (i.e. 2 children per couple). This is looking beyond the social security issue; it's about resources. At some point, it just isn't going to work.

I am always tempted to roll my eyes at people who claim to be fervent environmentalists but have more than 2 kids. The two positions are simply not compatible.

But I get that it would be a very politically messy and emotional thing trying to tell people not to keep breeding. I do find it amusing, though, when people on here are completely fine telling poor people not to have more kids but give rich people a pass. When it comes to natural resources, it doesn't matter whether the increased population is rich or poor -- there still won't be enough in natural resources to comfortably sustain that growth.

Pp, congrats! Your holier than thou attitude indicates that you're going to be a great MIL!

[Anonymous]

It seems common for parents to want their children to replicate their life choices. My inlaws take offense whenever we do something different (DH changed careers away from FIL's line of work, we live somewhere they hate, we have 3 kids and they stopped at 2...)

I think it's probably human nature, but smart parents keep their mouths shut.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stay out of your BR/relations with your DH -- and that if she doesn't MYOB, you'll give her a vivid recount of your kids' conceptions.

Then tell DH to see MIL without you or the kids. If she doesn't like grandkids, she's not allowed to see them.

DH should man up and tell mom to shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should stop at two kids.

That's your personal opinion. I love my three and think that you should MYOB.

Feel free to get fixed if you want. Don't tell me how to live because I don't give a damn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should stop at two kids.

That's your personal opinion. I love my three and think that you should MYOB.

Feel free to get fixed if you want. Don't tell me how to live because I don't give a damn.

defensive much?