Obnoxious comments from MIL that we should "stop at 2" kids

[Anonymous]

Make sure it's none of her business. You don't complain to her do you? Do you rely on MIL for anything? babysitting? money? paid vacations? you shouldn't. If you do rely on her, she feels invested. Don't rely on her for anything ~ then you look her in the eye and say, "this is none of your business." That all you every need to say.

[Anonymous]

Wow pp, that's harsh. And I'm a DIL. I would never speak to a family member that way. It's not a war.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for you, OP, but thanks for making me feel more grateful for assorted family members/in-laws today. Some find other ways to convey exactly how they believe one should live one's life, but they don't meddle on such a basic, personal issue that is obviously not their decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow pp, that's harsh. And I'm a DIL. I would never speak to a family member that way. It's not a war.

Different poster here: Then you neither have a problem nor need to come to DCUM for advice. Lucky you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wrote in my son's (second child) baby book, "We [FIL] feel like your family is complete!". After all, we had one boy and one girl, the perfect family.

My MIL is the most narrow minded person I can think of; if she can't directly relate/hasn't experienced something personally, she lacks empathy. She had two children, so therefore, this is right and normal.

Then, we had our third. She was shocked! And couldn't wait to ask me if this baby was an accident.

Maybe your MIL is the same way? Did she only have two and therefore that is the ideal?

MIL asked me the same thing, and we only have one child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow pp, that's harsh. And I'm a DIL. I would never speak to a family member that way. It's not a war.

Yes, but not all of us have family members who would disrespect our choices like the Op's family member does..

[Anonymous]

I like the suggestion to tell her she's not involved in the decision and if she can't be supportive it's better if she stays out of it completely. You could also say, "You know, Larla, you've expressed your views on this MANY times, and by now we know your thoughts. But it's our decision, not yours, and at this point your negative comments are not needed." Smile and change subject. If she brings it up after that, just tersely say, "Larla, please stop" and walk away. DH needs to be on same page as you.

[Anonymous]

Just say "I've heard you say this several times before. Why is it so important to you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else's MIL make obnoxious comments instructing them how many kids they should have? I don't mean a comment once or twice, but repeated comments that are just so bitchy. We have two wonderful kids (1 and 3) and MIL says that we should not have any more because we have a boy and a girl. We are great parents, are financially secure, happy, etc, and like being parents! We think we'd probably like a 3rd down the line. MIL lives nearby but is very hands off with our two kids. She helps out very rarely and we have pretty low expectations of her involvement. She always acts like seeing our kids is a chore or a check the box type of deal. She is generally not very warm, always worried about the wrong things, and I get the impression that she was too stressed about keeping up with the Joneses to really enjoy being a mother to my husband and her other son when they were young. It is just SO frustrating and rude for her to constantly, forcefully assert her rude opinion! One, we never asked her opinion! Two, we will most likely have a 3rd child, so should we just assume that she will hate our 3rd kid since it's "such a terrible idea"?

Ugh, why can't MIL just keep her obnoxious comments to herself!

According to the thread in off-topic about unsolicited and negative parenting advice, she is just trying to help. She is in the right. She has been a parent longer than you have, and her comments are therapeutic for her. It's not rude, you are just clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should stop at two kids.

That's your personal opinion. I love my three and think that you should MYOB.

Feel free to get fixed if you want. Don't tell me how to live because I don't give a damn.

said like a woman truly secure in her decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three is selfish.

Please tell that to women in developing countries with no running water.

They have an excuse. What is OPs excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should listen to her. No need for a third.

How hateful. Do you mourn your own birthday?

[Anonymous]

After a miscarriage, my father said. I think you should stop at 3. It really hurt.