NCS v. Holton
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Wow. So different from my orientation which has been to advise my kids not to talk about grades. |
Anonymous
| The advice you received is from private schools. She is currently in a public school so the approach is a little different. She will certainly follow the rules of where she is. However, from the post you can obviously see that is not her focus. |
Anonymous
Please do not teach your DD to be more competitive. The greatest gift you can give your DD is to love learning for its own 0sake, not to be better than anyone else. I can't fathom why you would ask what grade other students received when your DD did perfectly fine. I am a former NCS parent here whose DD transferred out, in part, because of the atmosphere created by parents like you who saw education as some kind of competition. The stress this created for their DD's was evident in so many unhealthy ways. And it made the educational environment just so transactional. Your DD sounds like a great kid who has rejected what could have become a poisonous attitude toward school. I suspect she'll be fine anywhere. |
Anonymous
| Holton is quite competitive and there is stress, but not in an outward me against you sort of way - the key is that they somehow inspire the girls to compete within themselves and not with the other students. I think it's their greatest strength. |
Anonymous
|
I appreciate your post @ 17:01 but I think competetion can be a great tool to push children to go higher. Recognizing where the bar is (highest grades or accomplishments) lets all know that a certain level of excellence is achievable. It has worked well for me and many/most of my friends. I am saddened to hear that your DD transferred out because that is tough for any child. I truly hope that she found the right place for her when she left.
I obvioulsy don't know all of the circumstances but recognize some parents encourage their children differently than others. Who am I to criticize or critique the relationship between a parent and child? I believe children will probably have to learn to strive for excellence no matter where they are: academics, athlectics, college, clubs, sororities, life, Corporate America. Please know that does not mean I want her to be the cut throat back-biting mean girl. Also, competition does not have to mean that kids don't get along. My daugher and her best friend are ranked 1 and 2 for their grade. Most of the friends I mentioned above were the same girls that I "competed" with in class, cheerleading squad, and other leadhership positions. We are friends to this day. 25+ years later. Mainly, I recognize my daughter is not me. Maybe "competive" is not the right word for what I want to see grow in her. Either way, I want her to achieve in life and would like a school setting that will help me get her there. Again, thanks for your comments. Wishing your daughter the best! |
Anonymous
I'm 17:01 and my DD was an A student at NCS and again at the school to which she transferred. She loves learning and couldn't stand to be around girls who felt the need "to strive for excellence" against each other. She will be successful at whatever endeavors she pursues because she is inwardly motivated. She is also intellectually generous in that she wants everyone around her to succeed at learning. Its more fun when you are surrounded by others who also care about ideas. I don't mean to be harsh because you don't sound like a bad person. But I do think you have a bad attitude toward learning and I care because it infects the atmosphere of the school. Its why we left, and I can't emphasize enough the damage I saw -- girls with eating disorders, because body image is something to compete with as well; girls with depression and substance abuse problems because they could never be good enough; girls who were just plain mean because it was their only defense. Its poison. Perhaps you should send your DD to NCS -- I suspect you will feel at home. |
Anonymous
| Youch. Easy, ladies. Settle down now. |
Anonymous
|
In Holton, at least in middle school, they are told not to talk about their test grades to one another. I am not saying it doesn't happen but I do know a girl that got a not so great grade in a class and the girl next to her saw it, blabbed it to a few, it got back to the girl and by the end of the day the blabber was in the head's office. They don't tolerate it.
And really it is nice to have some healthy competition but I think you will find asking her to compare her with peers grades could start off some self esteem issues (on grades, athletics, looks, wealth) if that isn't her personality. Some girls are confident and can handle it. Seems like you were one of them. But girls in middle/upper do enough wondering/competing that adding the moms to it could get tough. Just food for thought. I think you realize she isn't like you anyway. That isn't to say one of these schools couldn't help guide her to find that spark. We didn't apply to NCS so I can't really comment on it but your daughter seems like a Holton girl to me. |
Anonymous
|
Thanks for all of the great advice. Probably my first and last time posting (Lol) but most of the info was helpful. Will definitely rely more on daughter's desires and advice from friends along with the factual info from this post.
17:01 - I wasn't there. I understand your situation to a certain extent. Your aggressiveness towards me is misplaced. I assume it is latent anger from what you perceive happened to your child. It is obvious that you weren't strong enough to stand up to the parents you speak of. I get it. This is probably therapeutic to you. For me this exchange with you was a nuisance. I asked for facts and you got extremely emotional. I don't do back and forth with anyone. So this is my last response to you. GL! |
Anonymous
| Op, I think you would be very happy at NCS. Good luck to your daughter. |
Anonymous
| For heaven's sake please do not encourage your child to measure her success by others' achievements. Your grades are nobody's business but your own. |
Anonymous
|
It's interesting how styles differ. I was super-competitive growing up, but never in a cutthroat way. I would routinely bet one of my close friends five bucks on every math test we took together, so we compared grades every time. But when one of us would get a problem the other missed, we'd explain it to one another and push one another to find different approaches etc. etc. -- he's still a good friend 30 years later, and we live across the country from one another. Competition isn't a precise synonym for catty cut-throatedness.
My DD is also right now choosing between NCS and Holton. Entirely her call, although I will sit down and talk with her about it to try to get her to think about the bases for her decision. |
Anonymous
| Holton definitely discourages competition among students on grades. In fact, as a Holton parent, I believe the teachers work to push each student to her top potential, but not to discourage anyone. |
Anonymous
| Op here. Daughter told husband and I that she wanted to attend a co-ed school tonight. We support her & will accept admission offer for co-ed tomorrow. A little ironic because it came out of nowhere. Again thanks for all the info nonetheless! Just to think that in a few years. we will go through this again. |
Anonymous
No dog in this fight, but with all due respect, Holton had a LOT more than NCS of past "winners" placques in bronze or brass on the walls of past honorees of prizes. They were definitely accolades for accomplishments. And, how do you explain these? (Note: I did not see one of these on the walls or in a trophy case in NCS and I was looking after Holton). |