OMG in laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them! Or DH tell them!

They're being rude just assuming they can come over. Or are they calling first and you're agreeing to it?

If the former, call them up and say that drop-bys during the week aren't working right now--and if they show up, say it's a bad time right now and shut the door. If the latter, when they call, say no!

Sorry, but as my spouse, if you ever slammed the door in my parents' face, we would be on the short road to divorce. It is totally cool to set boundaries and have hard conversations, but I would not accept my DH disrespecting my parents like that. My goodness people, these are the people that raised your SO and they want to spend time with the family. I do not get the disdain towards them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them! Or DH tell them!

They're being rude just assuming they can come over. Or are they calling first and you're agreeing to it?

If the former, call them up and say that drop-bys during the week aren't working right now--and if they show up, say it's a bad time right now and shut the door. If the latter, when they call, say no!

Sorry, but as my spouse, if you ever slammed the door in my parents' face, we would be on the short road to divorce. It is totally cool to set boundaries and have hard conversations, but I would not accept my DH disrespecting my parents like that. My goodness people, these are the people that raised your SO and they want to spend time with the family. I do not get the disdain towards them.

What about the spouse who never stands up to his/her parents? Is that also not a short road to divorce? If it's to the point that the spouse has to stand up to the ILs, the marriage is already in a bad place.

Ideally, the OP's ILs will be respectful when informed (again, ideally by their own adult child) that weeknight visits just aren't working right now--or that they at least leave by, say, 8 or 9 PM. But, if they don't respond positively to this reasonable request, what next? Let them in anyway? How does that help the situation? No need to slam the door, but a polite, "Gosh, I thought you understood that weeknight visits aren't working for us right now. It's really not a good time." to people who are being pushy and rude by coming over uninvited...it really is the next logical step.

But hopefully it won't get to that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them! Or DH tell them!

They're being rude just assuming they can come over. Or are they calling first and you're agreeing to it?

If the former, call them up and say that drop-bys during the week aren't working right now--and if they show up, say it's a bad time right now and shut the door. If the latter, when they call, say no!

Sorry, but as my spouse, if you ever slammed the door in my parents' face, we would be on the short road to divorce. It is totally cool to set boundaries and have hard conversations, but I would not accept my DH disrespecting my parents like that. My goodness people, these are the people that raised your SO and they want to spend time with the family. I do not get the disdain towards them.

What about the spouse who never stands up to his/her parents? Is that also not a short road to divorce? If it's to the point that the spouse has to stand up to the ILs, the marriage is already in a bad place.

Ideally, the OP's ILs will be respectful when informed (again, ideally by their own adult child) that weeknight visits just aren't working right now--or that they at least leave by, say, 8 or 9 PM. But, if they don't respond positively to this reasonable request, what next? Let them in anyway? How does that help the situation? No need to slam the door, but a polite, "Gosh, I thought you understood that weeknight visits aren't working for us right now. It's really not a good time." to people who are being pushy and rude by coming over uninvited...it really is the next logical step.

But hopefully it won't get to that point.

Honestly, I am beginning to think that I am just diffferent in that regard. I do not look at things with a "my immediate family frist" lense and I do not think that a close family member (especially my parents) wanting to spend time with me and my family is an imposition. While I might be annoyed, my first play might be to understand why they felt the need to come by our house every night as opposed to seeing their own friends. IMO, OP's IL's seem to be lonely and/or unfulfilled socially. So I would ask my DH to intervene and get to the bottom of that issue. I would not take the stance with them that "We are tired and Larla is not STTN, so you all should please leave." All I am saying is that compassion has its place, even here. These folks will not be around forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Dad, and very engaged with my kids. My line is always "well, i'm off to bed, anyone need any last thing before I go?."
Work with your partner to set up some rules and let your OMGILs know that's the way it needs to be for your health.

(There is, by the way, something better than a baby that STTN. Thats when twins do it, the very same night. Then the next night. Then the night after that. 8 hours never seemed so long as when we are sleeping. )

MOT here as in Mother of Twins here. Yes, OP, imagine no sleep than just some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them! Or DH tell them!

They're being rude just assuming they can come over. Or are they calling first and you're agreeing to it?

If the former, call them up and say that drop-bys during the week aren't working right now--and if they show up, say it's a bad time right now and shut the door. If the latter, when they call, say no!

Sorry, but as my spouse, if you ever slammed the door in my parents' face, we would be on the short road to divorce. It is totally cool to set boundaries and have hard conversations, but I would not accept my DH disrespecting my parents like that. My goodness people, these are the people that raised your SO and they want to spend time with the family. I do not get the disdain towards them.

What about the spouse who never stands up to his/her parents? Is that also not a short road to divorce? If it's to the point that the spouse has to stand up to the ILs, the marriage is already in a bad place.

Ideally, the OP's ILs will be respectful when informed (again, ideally by their own adult child) that weeknight visits just aren't working right now--or that they at least leave by, say, 8 or 9 PM. But, if they don't respond positively to this reasonable request, what next? Let them in anyway? How does that help the situation? No need to slam the door, but a polite, "Gosh, I thought you understood that weeknight visits aren't working for us right now. It's really not a good time." to people who are being pushy and rude by coming over uninvited...it really is the next logical step.

But hopefully it won't get to that point.

Honestly, I am beginning to think that I am just diffferent in that regard. I do not look at things with a "my immediate family frist" lense and I do not think that a close family member (especially my parents) wanting to spend time with me and my family is an imposition. While I might be annoyed, my first play might be to understand why they felt the need to come by our house every night as opposed to seeing their own friends. IMO, OP's IL's seem to be lonely and/or unfulfilled socially. So I would ask my DH to intervene and get to the bottom of that issue. I would not take the stance with them that "We are tired and Larla is not STTN, so you all should please leave." All I am saying is that compassion has its place, even here. These folks will not be around forever.

I can tell you have never been exhausted to the bone marrow with a child who wakes up 6 times a night. For more than a year. I would fall asleep during my commute. Clueless parents would definitely have gotten short thrift from me AND DH, who would drop off sometimes at his desk.

[Anonymous]

They are very rude to think you can stay up late with them. My inlaws are terrible also. They think being drunk on vodka and taking care of a baby is fine. We don't see them very often because they will never change.

[Anonymous]

OP here - they visit from out of town, and come during the week because they don't want to miss church on sundays. I can't turn them away, that would be horrible!! Last night, I just said I had some work to do and went and got ready for bed. DH supported that and lied for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing rude about saying, "It's been lovely chatting with you, but as you know, Larla isn't sleeping through the night, and I'm exhausted, so I'm headed to bed. Good night!" Who cares if they think it's rude? Seriously, what awful thing will happen if you go to bed when you need to?

This is a good option and honest to boot. OP, why do you feel you must entertain them when you have an infant? If they get pissy about it, it's on them, not you.

One critical thing I'd add to the above idea: They are your in-laws. Your husband's parents. It is therefore his job to run interference. He tells them you are headed to bed, and HE stays up to "entertain" them but only if he wants to do so. He's tired too.

Too many posts on DCUM where the DIL is expected to handle in-laws on her own but it's her husband's job to do this. Just as it's your job to handle your own parents if they present problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them! Or DH tell them!

They're being rude just assuming they can come over. Or are they calling first and you're agreeing to it?

If the former, call them up and say that drop-bys during the week aren't working right now--and if they show up, say it's a bad time right now and shut the door. If the latter, when they call, say no!

Sorry, but as my spouse, if you ever slammed the door in my parents' face, we would be on the short road to divorce. It is totally cool to set boundaries and have hard conversations, but I would not accept my DH disrespecting my parents like that. My goodness people, these are the people that raised your SO and they want to spend time with the family. I do not get the disdain towards them.

What about the spouse who never stands up to his/her parents? Is that also not a short road to divorce? If it's to the point that the spouse has to stand up to the ILs, the marriage is already in a bad place.

Ideally, the OP's ILs will be respectful when informed (again, ideally by their own adult child) that weeknight visits just aren't working right now--or that they at least leave by, say, 8 or 9 PM. But, if they don't respond positively to this reasonable request, what next? Let them in anyway? How does that help the situation? No need to slam the door, but a polite, "Gosh, I thought you understood that weeknight visits aren't working for us right now. It's really not a good time." to people who are being pushy and rude by coming over uninvited...it really is the next logical step.

But hopefully it won't get to that point.

Honestly, I am beginning to think that I am just diffferent in that regard. I do not look at things with a "my immediate family frist" lense and I do not think that a close family member (especially my parents) wanting to spend time with me and my family is an imposition. While I might be annoyed, my first play might be to understand why they felt the need to come by our house every night as opposed to seeing their own friends. IMO, OP's IL's seem to be lonely and/or unfulfilled socially. So I would ask my DH to intervene and get to the bottom of that issue. I would not take the stance with them that "We are tired and Larla is not STTN, so you all should please leave." All I am saying is that compassion has its place, even here. These folks will not be around forever.

I can tell you have never been exhausted to the bone marrow with a child who wakes up 6 times a night. For more than a year. I would fall asleep during my commute. Clueless parents would definitely have gotten short thrift from me AND DH, who would drop off sometimes at his desk.

PP here. You would be wrong, wrong and wrong! I had 3 kids in 3 years, including twins with gastrointestinal issues. I know levels of exhaustion that people have nightmares about. But I also know that, having lost my parents and an in-law before my kids were 5, you cannot get back missed time. But like I said, I am probably different in that regard. I would never call parents who wanted to spend time with me "clueless." I am sorry that you feel that yours are such impositions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing rude about saying, "It's been lovely chatting with you, but as you know, Larla isn't sleeping through the night, and I'm exhausted, so I'm headed to bed. Good night!" Who cares if they think it's rude? Seriously, what awful thing will happen if you go to bed when you need to?

This is a good option and honest to boot. OP, why do you feel you must entertain them when you have an infant? If they get pissy about it, it's on them, not you.

One critical thing I'd add to the above idea: They are your in-laws. Your husband's parents. It is therefore his job to run interference. He tells them you are headed to bed, and HE stays up to "entertain" them but only if he wants to do so. He's tired too.

Too many posts on DCUM where the DIL is expected to handle in-laws on her own but it's her husband's job to do this. Just as it's your job to handle your own parents if they present problems.

In theory this makes sense. But often times, the DW does not hold up her end and fails to see the issues that her parents cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - they visit from out of town, and come during the week because they don't want to miss church on sundays. I can't turn them away, that would be horrible!! Last night, I just said I had some work to do and went and got ready for bed. DH supported that and lied for me.

What sort of "entertaining" are they expecting, exactly? When my in-laws come, typically they watch tv with us and then wash our dishes or put our children to bed for us if they kids are still up. Or they let us go out and get a drink because they can take of the kids if they wake up.