Resistant to homework
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Anonymous
| My son with ADHD was like this in K, and still can be in 4th grade. In K, his teacher said his homework should always take less than 20 minutes. I would set the timer and then write a message ("this is what James did in 20 minutes with our support"). What about s sticker chart for he does homework with no drama? Even now, I try to support him, stay positive, and not take over. |
Anonymous
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Your child is resistant because your child is a real live child and not a pretend child.
Kinder is too young for hw. The day is long enough. You have a lot of years ahead of you fighting this fight. I would use a timer set to 20 minutes. Then that is all that gets done. Save the fight for when age-appropriate. Ignore what I said if this is hw to remedy a skill or developmental deficit. |
Anonymous
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The recent thinking on motivating your kids is that you are more likely to be successful when you collaborate with your kid to solve the problem, and when you offer small rewards for behavior like doing the homework (not for grades themselves).
You can read Kazdin and other parenting books published within the last 5-10 years to learn more about this approach. But for now, here's a broad summary that probably won't do justice to any of these approaches. The older thinking involves a top-down approach, where you tell your kid that if he doesn't do his homework (or chores, or whatever) you will take away away his electronics, TV time, or soccer practice that week. The new thinking seems to be that motivation is more likely to happen if you get buy-in from your kid, and if your kid associates homework with something he actually wants instead of with bad things that happen when he doesn't do it. So, sit down with your kid and tell him that you're going to solve this homework problem together. With your kid, work out a schedule (for example, he sets aside one hour a night for homework, and electronics go away during that hour). Also, agree on some small rewards to mark his progress towards doing homework for one hour a night. Be somewhat flexible - maybe let your kid choose when to do homework (after school or after dinner) or where (kitchen, bedroom) to do the homework. Also, let him suggest some small rewards (something small, no flat screen TVs) so that you can mark his progress with something he actually wants. Some basics are non-negotiable, of course, like the fact that he WILL set aside time for homework. Then, when a schedule is in place, reward him for spending an hour (or whatever you agree on) for X many nights a week, and not for the grades themselves. (I know, this sounds a bit like a fad and maybe the thinking will change in another few years. Plus, the Kazdin approach sounds suspiciously like bribery, and many of us were told not to bribe our kids. However, it's working with our teenager, and I say this as someone who was initially very skeptical.) |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
I agree HW in kindergarten is ridiculous. But, this school assigns homework. What message does it send to your kid when you basically say, "let's ignore the homework for now, maybe we'll care about it more in the future, but for now your teacher can spit in a bucket"? I wouldn't want to have to explain to this kid, next year, why you suddenly care about homework and the teacher. |
Anonymous
I didn't say ignore, I said 20 minutes. It is not easy to get a kid to sit and focus. Timer helps. As does having to say to your teacher that you worked on it for a long time but didn't finish. We did an hour some nights in first since my son was struggling with reading and all the hw was about reading. At least 30 minutes of the hour was just learning to sit and do it. I would not have done an hour if there weren't real issues going on with the reading. |
Anonymous
When we have been in this position, I pretended that the teacher was not making an age-inappropriate demand and told my kid that while she said "Do X," what she meant was "Do [reasonable thing]" and said I would e-mail her to make sure she knew what was up. And then I sent a cheerful e-mail saying "Doing everything you're asking would take DC 20 minutes, and that would be with me nagging him, so I explained that you just want him to practice accomplishing something on his own. He'll be bringing in whatever he can get done in 5 minutes. Let me know if you want to discuss this further." Yeah, I might have been her nightmare, but she was mine, so I figured we were even. My goal is for my kids to be able to do 10 minutes of homework X their grade, ON THEIR OWN, plus 30-60 minutes of independent reading. So far, so good (oldest is in HS). |
Anonymous
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I really really appreciate all of the comments and feedback.
Well, I bought a small timer and today I told him that we will do 10 min. of schoolwork. I explained the timer and set it for 10 min. I told him that after the timer goes off, we would go sledding in the backyard. He had a writing assignment. He did a pretty good job and when the timer went off, we put the work down and finished sledding. I did not mention schoolwork the rest of the day. Today was the first time that he did not resist. I will continue with the timer and small time frames to see if this works better. |
Anonymous
Fighting homework in kindergarten is not a uniquely special ed issue. It is perfectly normal and appropriate kindergarten behavior, whether or not your kid has adhd. |
Anonymous
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I have three kids and every single one of them (two NT and one SN) was resistant to homework in kindergarten. But, fact is the schools assigned it. (All three went to different schools). What I did was gave them some control - it needs to be done, but you get to make the plan as to how it will be done. That included what time of the day, how much each day, where in the house it would be done, what color pencil to use, etc. I also sat with them until they were ok being on their own.
One thing about having three (and they are all five years apart) is that after the first, I really saw the value of having taught them that school work had to be done. By middle school, when other battles were beginning, homework never made the list of problems. One last thing. My SN child has a no homework clause in his IEP. So we have control over whether or not to do homework and how much. He does 100% every week. Sometimes we have to exercise the right of extended time. But none of it is skipped. |
Anonymous
| Agree with the 20 minute timer and what he gets done he gets done. This will establish the habit without taking a toll. Tell him we do the stuff we HAVE to do before the stuff we WANT to do. |
Anonymous
| When the timer stops working, and he battles even that, change your game. You may want to try showing him on a clock how much time until bedtime and let him pick when he'll start homework -- then he'll be learning the clock too! |