if religion is a big part of your life, but not your spouse's thing, how does that work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^PP here. I should add, from time to time DH comments on how glad he is that I am raising our kids in my church. He sees positive effects.

Could you be specific? What does he notice?

He notices their interest in giving and sense of personal obligation to charitable causes, and serving in our community. He likes that they have social circles at church, unrelated to school, grades, etc. They have a strong religious identity and feel a sense of belonging. And they are very literate in Biblical and religious history.

[Anonymous]

Nice. And kids could have all of that without belief in a deity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is Jewish, I am Christian, and I'm raising our kids in my church. On Sunday mornings, DH goes grocery-shopping or drinks coffee and reads the paper while we go to church. He supports church-related activities (e.g. youth group fundraisers) and attends on the big holidays if he feels like it, but other than that does not participate.

It is a non-issue in our marriage and family.

I could have written that post. And while my kids could have developed a sense of charity outside of church or another social group, church has made it effortless for them. They love the group of kids in their youth group (who are very different than the kids in their private school), and they participate in a lot of charitable activities that would otherwise just wouldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm in that situation now and yes, it's difficult. It's especially becoming an issue as our kids get older and wonder why daddy doesn't go to church.

Please tell us more about your specific situation. Are you contemplating marrying someone who does not share your religious outlook? Or are you already in that marriage and trying to remedy?

Actually, I'm concerned about my son, who's in his early 20s and is in a serious relationship with a lovely young woman who is also Christian, as we are, but who doesn't have any interest in participating in religious life. Our son, OTOH, has been very involved in our mainstream Protestant denomination since childhood. We know many interfaith families who make things work in a respectful and enriching way for themselves and their children, but I see more of a challenge among families we know where only one parent sees religion as integral to his/her own life and family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Nice. And kids could have all of that without belief in a deity.

PP here. I didn't suggest otherwise. But the church community works very well for us.

[Anonymous]

Interest in attending service will ebb and flow during marriage. Strongest pull will be time when raising children.

The atheist should have some tolerance for attending service for special occasions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is Jewish, I am Christian, and I'm raising our kids in my church. On Sunday mornings, DH goes grocery-shopping or drinks coffee and reads the paper while we go to church. He supports church-related activities (e.g. youth group fundraisers) and attends on the big holidays if he feels like it, but other than that does not participate.

It is a non-issue in our marriage and family.

I could have written that post. And while my kids could have developed a sense of charity outside of church or another social group, church has made it effortless for them. They love the group of kids in their youth group (who are very different than the kids in their private school), and they participate in a lot of charitable activities that would otherwise just wouldn't happen.

I hope someday soon there are more opportunities for this in communities that don't also indoctrinate children into belief in a supernatural God, e.g. the Unitarians and other humanist groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is Jewish, I am Christian, and I'm raising our kids in my church. On Sunday mornings, DH goes grocery-shopping or drinks coffee and reads the paper while we go to church. He supports church-related activities (e.g. youth group fundraisers) and attends on the big holidays if he feels like it, but other than that does not participate.

It is a non-issue in our marriage and family.

I could have written that post. And while my kids could have developed a sense of charity outside of church or another social group, church has made it effortless for them. They love the group of kids in their youth group (who are very different than the kids in their private school), and they participate in a lot of charitable activities that would otherwise just wouldn't happen.

I hope someday soon there are more opportunities for this in communities that don't also indoctrinate children into belief in a supernatural God, e.g. the Unitarians and other humanist groups.

Why don't you start such a community?

Your comments about the validity of organized religion and belief in God are irrelevant to the point of this thread.

[Anonymous]

I was raised by parents like this. My dad was agnostic and really not into attending anything religious himself but he saw the value in faith & community so he wanted his kids to have a chance at believing. He left the religious stuff up to my mom - she raised us in her religion and he was supportive in the sense that he attended major milestones for us, and didn't share his lack of faith unless pointedly asked for his thoughts on the matter.

I thought it was a reasonable approach.

[Anonymous]

In most churches and synagogues in the US, women outnumber men two to one. If people don't find ways to compromise, a lot of women won't get to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most churches and synagogues in the US, women outnumber men two to one. If people don't find ways to compromise, a lot of women won't get to marry.

Unless they look for men outside of church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is Jewish, I am Christian, and I'm raising our kids in my church. On Sunday mornings, DH goes grocery-shopping or drinks coffee and reads the paper while we go to church. He supports church-related activities (e.g. youth group fundraisers) and attends on the big holidays if he feels like it, but other than that does not participate.

It is a non-issue in our marriage and family.

I could have written that post. And while my kids could have developed a sense of charity outside of church or another social group, church has made it effortless for them. They love the group of kids in their youth group (who are very different than the kids in their private school), and they participate in a lot of charitable activities that would otherwise just wouldn't happen.

I hope someday soon there are more opportunities for this in communities that don't also indoctrinate children into belief in a supernatural God, e.g. the Unitarians and other humanist groups.

Why don't you start such a community?

Your comments about the validity of organized religion and belief in God are irrelevant to the point of this thread.

I shall leave this thread then, and start a humanist community. Ya'll come

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by parents like this. My dad was agnostic and really not into attending anything religious himself but he saw the value in faith & community so he wanted his kids to have a chance at believing. He left the religious stuff up to my mom - she raised us in her religion and he was supportive in the sense that he attended major milestones for us, and didn't share his lack of faith unless pointedly asked for his thoughts on the matter.

I thought it was a reasonable approach.

Sounds like he knew his place. Not one of those uppity agnostics you hear so much about these days, who refuse to kowtow to the religious majority

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by parents like this. My dad was agnostic and really not into attending anything religious himself but he saw the value in faith & community so he wanted his kids to have a chance at believing. He left the religious stuff up to my mom - she raised us in her religion and he was supportive in the sense that he attended major milestones for us, and didn't share his lack of faith unless pointedly asked for his thoughts on the matter.

I thought it was a reasonable approach.

OP here -- We truly believe that the opposite of faith is not doubt, and have been very open in discussing this with our children. And, actually, I'm not even sure that I'm most concerned about the childrearing part of this -- more that DS will feel alone in his faith not being able to share this very important part of his life with his partner. But DS is happy; she's terrific and I'm praying for help in supporting them both. I know that God will hold them in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by parents like this. My dad was agnostic and really not into attending anything religious himself but he saw the value in faith & community so he wanted his kids to have a chance at believing. He left the religious stuff up to my mom - she raised us in her religion and he was supportive in the sense that he attended major milestones for us, and didn't share his lack of faith unless pointedly asked for his thoughts on the matter.

I thought it was a reasonable approach.

Sounds like he knew his place. Not one of those uppity agnostics you hear so much about these days, who refuse to kowtow to the religious majority

A speak-only-when-spoken-to agnostic, doing his part to uphold belief in something he himself didn't believe in, because he believed that belief is inherently superior to non-belief, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.