Anyone have trial separation tips?

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'm not detecting anger in posts. Maybe confusion over the point of your separation. FYI on mediators: You'll both need your own lawyers, too. Trying to help. No anger!

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that he may have undiagnosed ADD or bipolar that may make him more impulsive? Might be worth checking that and things like anxiety for both of you with a good psychiatrist. Overwhelmingly separations lead to divorce. Divorce sucks financially and is really hard on kids.

[Anonymous]

Have you done any reading here?

http://www.gottman.com/research/research-faqs

Not really being able 2 afford to split and it sounds like you are close to that, can be a powerful motivator. If money is an issue now it will only be worse with 2 households.

Is he immature and irresponsible? Are the issues new or just harder with kids in picture? Do you have family in the area?

[Anonymous]

You're separating over $$ when you have plenty of it?

Your kids need a FT father more than you need the cash.

Wow. You're in for a blow when he starts dating and gets a divorce, then remarries.

Divorce sucks emotionally and is really traumatic for the kids.

Here's a tip: rethink your decision. Odds are that after living separately from you, he'll never come back.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Also, have you and he research rents? They've gone through the roof. Rent alone might be $2,000 a month. Not sure if you've gotten that far.

[Anonymous]

You really need to speak with a lawyer. If you separate, but do not divorce, and he incurs debt prior to the eventual divorce, you may be legally responsible for it even if it were incurred while you are living separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really need to speak with a lawyer. If you separate, but do not divorce, and he incurs debt prior to the eventual divorce, you may be legally responsible for it even if it were incurred while you are living separately.

+1

OP, separation won't bring you closer. Separation is the first step in divorce. Get yourself an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Sending hugs your way, OP. I have a spouse with ADHD and money is a big issue in our relationship. It's not that I make a lot more and always have, it's that he makes very poor decisions that significantly and negatively hurt us financially. I think I've got a pretty good idea of what you're talking about (unlike some PPs). One of the ways we've come up with to mitigate the impact of DH's impulsivity is to give him a reloadable bankcard. We have agreed how much discretionary money we get each month (it's the same for both of because how much you make shouldn't affect the amount we each get). DH still has a joint credit card that can only be used to pay for joint expenses. I review the bills each month so I know where money is spent. He uses his reloadable bank card for his personal expenses and if he runs out before the end of the month, too bad. That's helped our relationship a lot.

I think seeing an attorney and a mediator is critical. Best of luck to you. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have kids?

You could do some sort of postnup or property settlement agreement. Definitely talk to a divorce attorney.