How much do you expect family to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I live an hour apart. She is married with a kid, I'm single..

I work 60 hours a week but as the single sister I am expected to pick up her child care needs..


She is in the hospital due to a minor issue, non life threatening...

I have had her kid for one day while dad is at work - I have plans late tonight(expensive concert tickets) but they (and our parents who are hours away)expect me.. Obviously (per usual) I'll cancel my life to accodate hers..
But am I wrong for suggesting they look for a dependable babysitter they can also call that way I'm no forced to give me huge chunks of my time?

I think hospitalization (even non life threatening) qualifies as an emergency. Why does her DH have to go to work? I flew up to CT when my sister was hospitalized and her DH also took off work. We made sure someone was at the hospital at all times and the two young boys were covered. We used neighbors and other family to fill in the gaps. While I was in CT, DH took half days to cover our kids. It was one week. Emergencies are emergencies.

Now, if they are expecting you to drop your life for theirs all the time, that is a different story. After this is over, sit them down and tell them what you are willing and able to do. Then stick to it, if they test you. Maybe it is once a month babysitting so they can have a date night. Maybe it isn't anything. But, YOU get to decide what YOU are willing to do, otherwise you are a doormat.

'I am sorry but I cannot do that as I have another commitment' You don't have to say what that commitment is.

Good luck!

+1 You don't have to cancel your concert, get a babysitter. But come on, if it's serious enough to require hospitalization, then it's serious. Your focusing on the "non-life threatening" part makes you look petty and heartless.

[Anonymous]

I don't expect them to help except when we're in the same house because we made plans to get together. Even then sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Why can't the kids father take sick leave to watch the kids?

[Anonymous]

I don't expect anything from family but if they didnt help out while I was in the hospital I'd be pretty disappointed.

Did you get the tickets before or after agreeing to babysit? If before, did you tell them you had plans at a certain time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a babysitter during your concert and have fun! I don't normally agree about helping family out that much, but if she's in the hospital and you want to go, just get a babysitter for yourself.

NO WAY
Totally inappropriate for you to hire some random babysitter to watch their child. Would you leave a random stranger in their house if you were house sitting.

Just tell them you can't help they evening,

[Anonymous]

They need a sitter

[Anonymous]

We share DNA. So when they help me, they are actually helping a %age of themselves. So, it is not altruistic...it is very selfish.

However, I forgive them cause they are family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We share DNA. So when they help me, they are actually helping a %age of themselves. So, it is not altruistic...it is very selfish.

However, I forgive them cause they are family.

You sound extremely manipulative.

DNA has nothing to do with helping people, and all kinds of families exist without sharing DNA.

[Anonymous]

Tell Your sister you already have a commitment. People only take advantage of you if you allow it. It sounded like sister is in the hospital for minor illness and you have already taken one day to help with the kids. Either DH needs to take off the next day, your parents drive to help, or they get a sitter to cover the time, or get a reciprocal agreement with someone else with kids where they take their kids for a day/evening next week. I think in general people hope parents help out (they are your parents) versus a the Aunt/Uncle helping out with the kids. Our siblings have done something like take the kids for icecream but have never covered for a childcare situation.

[Anonymous]

Why is she in the hospital? Did she have a face lift or is it something non voluntary serious?

[Anonymous]

If my sibling was in the hospital, I would cancel my plans. That being said, there is nothing wrong with suggesting that your sister find a reliable baby sitter.

[Anonymous]

I have two healthy able-bodied family members living within 15 minutes of our house, and I have asked one of them to babysit twice, the other, not at all. They know my kids well and spend lots of time with them, but they wouldn't know what to do with my kids if I wasn't there. It isn't their job.

Now, if I was in the hospital and our regular babysitters were not available, would I ask one of them to help me? You bet. And if my brother had concert tickets, and, again, I'm in the hospital for a non-elective procedure, would I ask him to cancel his plans, again, yes. (And I would reimburse him for the concert tickets and buy him a really nice bottle of something for his trouble). But your situation sounds like a routine request when you are expected to drop everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We share DNA. So when they help me, they are actually helping a %age of themselves. So, it is not altruistic...it is very selfish.

However, I forgive them cause they are family.

All right, Ayn Rand. Good thing no one in your scenario is adopted or they'd just be thrown to the wolves, huh?

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that this is more than how much you expect family to help out. This is an issue where people think that a childless woman doesn't have any commitments and should always be willing/able to help someone with kids.

I firmly disagree with that. Just because you don't have children doesn't mean you have a responsibility to watch your sister's kids.

My guess is that if you had kids of your own, they wouldn't expect you to help.

But it's unfair to assume that you don't have a life of your own and/or that their kids should be your priority.