How much do you expect family to help

[Anonymous]

My sister and I live an hour apart. She is married with a kid, I'm single..

I work 60 hours a week but as the single sister I am expected to pick up her child care needs..


She is in the hospital due to a minor issue, non life threatening...

I have had her kid for one day while dad is at work - I have plans late tonight(expensive concert tickets) but they (and our parents who are hours away)expect me.. Obviously (per usual) I'll cancel my life to accodate hers..
But am I wrong for suggesting they look for a dependable babysitter they can also call that way I'm no forced to give me huge chunks of my time?

[Anonymous]

Woops, totally got ahead of myself: they expect me to cancel without question to babysit for her child again tomorrow

[Anonymous]

Where's her partner in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where's her partner in this situation?

Ah, I see you mentioned "while he's working" - so I guess my question would be for the concert situation?

[Anonymous]

He works at 2 am and it's a 1 hour drive ( if the weather is good)

[Anonymous]

They are taking terrible advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong. You should say that, while you are happy to help out, they should no longer expect you to cancel plans in order to babysit. They need to find at least one other reliable babysitter. Then stop cancelling your plans for them in non-emergency situations.

[Anonymous]

Get a babysitter during your concert and have fun! I don't normally agree about helping family out that much, but if she's in the hospital and you want to go, just get a babysitter for yourself.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who had her first child when I was still a teenager. Since sister's dd was the first grandchild in the family there was no precedent for how much childcare family members would provide (free of charge, natch). I pretty easily fell into the babysitter trap, assuming all those hours would be repaid when I eventually had kids. Once I had kids it was clear that all of those free babysitting hours would never be repaid. In fact if my sister so much as took one of the kids into another room or outside for five minutes it was very reluctantly. The thought of actual babysitting would be offensive and laughable to her.

If you continue to step up I would talk to her about reciprocity, either in the form of future babysitting for you or in some other form (big house projects, etc).

If you don't want to continue to be at her beck and call, please say something. She's really taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

I would only expect a CLOSE family member to cancel plans if it were an emergency (concert does not count!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I live an hour apart. She is married with a kid, I'm single..

I work 60 hours a week but as the single sister I am expected to pick up her child care needs..


She is in the hospital due to a minor issue, non life threatening...

I have had her kid for one day while dad is at work - I have plans late tonight(expensive concert tickets) but they (and our parents who are hours away)expect me.. Obviously (per usual) I'll cancel my life to accodate hers..
But am I wrong for suggesting they look for a dependable babysitter they can also call that way I'm no forced to give me huge chunks of my time?

I think hospitalization (even non life threatening) qualifies as an emergency. Why does her DH have to go to work? I flew up to CT when my sister was hospitalized and her DH also took off work. We made sure someone was at the hospital at all times and the two young boys were covered. We used neighbors and other family to fill in the gaps. While I was in CT, DH took half days to cover our kids. It was one week. Emergencies are emergencies.

Now, if they are expecting you to drop your life for theirs all the time, that is a different story. After this is over, sit them down and tell them what you are willing and able to do. Then stick to it, if they test you. Maybe it is once a month babysitting so they can have a date night. Maybe it isn't anything. But, YOU get to decide what YOU are willing to do, otherwise you are a doormat.

'I am sorry but I cannot do that as I have another commitment' You don't have to say what that commitment is.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ever heard of a babysitter? And NOT the one you steal from a friend but don't admit to it - that doesn't count. Be an adult, and find your own paid help, like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

In this case, dad needs to take time off from work and stay home.

You need to tell gently let him know this and then go to the concert guilt free.

You are the loving aunt, not the loving parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are taking terrible advantage of you.

+1

cut the cord now, OP.

do they ever do anything for you? i'll go out on a limb and assume that they're most likely just takers.

[Anonymous]

No way. This is the boy who cried wolf now. If they hadn't taken major advantage of you all this time you'd probably be more likely to consider this an emergency worthy of canceling your plans over. Tell them no, you have plans that can't be rescheduled. Let the dad rearrange his schedule.