Dealing with a Shopaholic MIL

[Anonymous]

Op, you are so smart to consider this problem now. I, too, had a good relationship with my mil until we had a child. She bought an entire room full of stuff before the kid was even born. We've had several conversations about limiting what she gives our child, and we have to revisit it every few months. It totally sucks and has changed our relationship. Makes it very tense for everyone. She just spent over $1,300 on our 3 year old at christmas. It makes me physically ill because we don't want our child growing up spoiled or feeling entitled. We don't have room for everything, and we don't share her values that our kid needs a new outfit every week. It's incredibly stressful. She has a real problem, and we are going to talk to her about it. Again.

[Anonymous]

It is none of your business how other people spend their money. It is your job to save for college for your children, not the job of any other relative or friend, no matter how much you wish you could control their spending. If you don't want her gifts, tell her, but you cannot tell her how to spend her money and unless she is asking you for money, her credit card debt is also none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is none of your business how other people spend their money. It is your job to save for college for your children, not the job of any other relative or friend, no matter how much you wish you could control their spending. If you don't want her gifts, tell her, but you cannot tell her how to spend her money and unless she is asking you for money, her credit card debt is also none of your business.

Yeah sounds good but now we are paying for my MIL bills. We work hard and put ourselves through college and now we need to help her out. My own parents saved for years so they would not be a burden to their children. When I got married I had no idea what I was getting into.

[Anonymous]

It is none of your business how other people spend their money. It is your job to save for college for your children, not the job of any other relative or friend, no matter how much you wish you could control their spending. If you don't want her gifts, tell her, but you cannot tell her how to spend her money and unless she is asking you for money, her credit card debt is also none of your business.

I hate this attitude. Since we are all family, and we all help each other out, yes, how we spend our money matters. On my side of the family, my grandparents helped out my parents with major life expenses to the degree they could. My dad's parents were wealthier than my mom's parents, so they helped more, but both sets of grandparents contributed to our college funds, they loaned money for my parents' first house downpayment, and they sent us savings bonds. And when they got older, my dad managed my grandmother's finances and arranged for in home care and took care of her taxes. My mom helped her parents out with medical care and with taking care of their house. When they died, they dealt with the taxes, closing accounts, and selling their houses. So yes, debt and financial obligations extend beyond your individual microcosm of self. If a relative has a ton of credit card debt and they are getting older and have nothing put away for when they are too old to work, then it definitely impacts their children because obviously any decent person isn't going to let their parents or in-laws die destitute. Likewise, if they have issues with spending money, shopping, and collecting stuff to the point where they are behaving as if they are mentally ill, I think the family has a responsibility to step in. I think this kind of defensiveness comes from people who have problems with money and don't want to admit it. I was raised to think that we are all in it together.

[Anonymous]

Start beating the stuff. Create your college fund that way.

[Anonymous]

Ebaying. Not beating. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

13:13, you and your family are so effing wonderful that you are too wonderful to eff. It is NOT the responsibility of anyone but parents to save for their kids education and it is still NONE of your business jow other family members spend their money.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We discovered over the holidays that MIL has financially imploded in a giant self-inflicted fireball. We knew it was dicey, which is why DH demanded to review everything. Nobody had any idea how bad. She didn't even spend it all on the grandkids or anything. Its just been, truly, thrown away after a 40 year professional career. She was truly well off and has nothing and nobody but herself to blame for this.

We will move her in with us, but she is going to have to adapt to austerity after decades of splurging. She has to because we can't allow her to ruin us too. Our kids depend on us.