Trying hard not to be "that crazy mom"

[Anonymous]

PP mentioned "judgmental comments". I know this is an issue between members of a family, but I wonder why? When adult family members communicate, why should it be any less polite, more judgmental, than when we are talking with a friend or a neighbor. I'm trying a new approach with my adult daughter - before I say something I think, "would I say that to a friend?". Unless it concerns my money, or my property, most things I should have no say-so, and should keep my mouth shut unless asked my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP... LET IT GO. It's just a few times a year. I just had my 87 year old mother leave after a week long visit and would give anything if she were still in a position to help with the kids, cook for us, and allow date nights. Believe me, soon enough, this won't be an issue for you because she may really be incapable of helping at all.

Nothing beats free help from elderly family members. Once they can no longer wait on you then kick them to the curve. Selfish, entitled bitch.

[Anonymous]

We solve this problem by not having our parents babysit when they visit. We spend time together as a family, make and share meals, grandparents play with grandparents while we do whatever we want around the house or chat together, and when grandparents need a break we provide it rather than just turn on the TV. Yes, there are treats and exceptions and fun, but there's not this sense that we're trading free labor for some complete change in the way we function as a family.

[Anonymous]

=Anonymous]We solve this problem by not having our parents babysit when they visit. We spend time together as a family, make and share meals, grandparents play with grandparents while we do whatever we want around the house or chat together, and when grandparents need a break we provide it rather than just turn on the TV. Yes, there are treats and exceptions and fun, but there's not this sense that we're trading free labor for some complete change in the way we function as a family.


I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP... LET IT GO. It's just a few times a year. I just had my 87 year old mother leave after a week long visit and would give anything if she were still in a position to help with the kids, cook for us, and allow date nights. Believe me, soon enough, this won't be an issue for you because she may really be incapable of helping at all.

Nothing beats free help from elderly family members. Once they can no longer wait on you then kick them to the curve. Selfish, entitled bitch.

WTH are you talking about? You TOTALLY missed the point.

[Anonymous]

Oh my-We have no grandparents. Can I borrow yours? I will supply the ice cream and my giant TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We solve this problem by not having our parents babysit when they visit. We spend time together as a family, make and share meals, grandparents play with grandparents while we do whatever we want around the house or chat together, and when grandparents need a break we provide it rather than just turn on the TV. Yes, there are treats and exceptions and fun, but there's not this sense that we're trading free labor for some complete change in the way we function as a family.

And we on the other hand feel that kids building a relationship with grandparents is very important, as is time for us as a couple. The kids do not in any way build a separate relationship when it is all mediated through the parents. For us our marriage and our kids having their own relationship with family other than their parents is more important that a piece of chocolate, going to bed 30 minutes late or watching a TV show.

Everyone prioritizes things differently. OP you have to decide what is more important to you. Your child's relationship with grandma and your marriage or 1/2 hour of Tv and extra chicken nuggets.

[Anonymous]

One of my fondest memories of my grandmother is her sneaking us mini chocolates. I only knew her a short time as she died when I was young. But I still gave that memory. Let your mother build her own memories with your kids especially if she seems them so infrequently.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP but I think you're handling it well. Try to let it go, be thankful they're trying to help and know that what you establish for your kids 50 weeks out of the year will more than offset anything the grandparents do while they're around.

Vent away. Sounds like your bottom line w/ the family is good.

Enjoy the extra little bit of help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my fondest memories of my grandmother is her sneaking us mini chocolates. I only knew her a short time as she died when I was young. But I still gave that memory. Let your mother build her own memories with your kids especially if she seems them so infrequently.

+1 on the memories and appreciating the time with the grandparents. My grandparents used to bring us all kinds of cookies and candy, let us get whatever we wanted at restaurants, etc. It was so fun and none of us are worse for the wear because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We solve this problem by not having our parents babysit when they visit. We spend time together as a family, make and share meals, grandparents play with grandparents while we do whatever we want around the house or chat together, and when grandparents need a break we provide it rather than just turn on the TV. Yes, there are treats and exceptions and fun, but there's not this sense that we're trading free labor for some complete change in the way we function as a family.

And we on the other hand feel that kids building a relationship with grandparents is very important, as is time for us as a couple. The kids do not in any way build a separate relationship when it is all mediated through the parents. For us our marriage and our kids having their own relationship with family other than their parents is more important that a piece of chocolate, going to bed 30 minutes late or watching a TV show.

Everyone prioritizes things differently. OP you have to decide what is more important to you. Your child's relationship with grandma and your marriage or 1/2 hour of Tv and extra chicken nuggets.

I agree with this...very well said.

[Anonymous]

If they only watched tv and only ate junk for a week or 2 straight with some water and some sleep they would still be fine . Relax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP... LET IT GO. It's just a few times a year. I just had my 87 year old mother leave after a week long visit and would give anything if she were still in a position to help with the kids, cook for us, and allow date nights. Believe me, soon enough, this won't be an issue for you because she may really be incapable of helping at all.

Nothing beats free help from elderly family members. Once they can no longer wait on you then kick them to the curve. Selfish, entitled bitch.

WTH are you talking about? You TOTALLY missed the point.

Don't feed the trolls!

[Anonymous]

OP, please, please focus on this: Your mom is in your life and well enough to be ABLE to care for your kid at all. I would give anything to have my own junk-food-eating, TV-watching mom back and in good enough shape to spend even a couple of hours with my daughter, but my mom is dead. She used to joke that her job would be to "teach the kid to eat bad desserts and white bread, and play poker." I sure wish she were here to do just that.

Next time you start to feel annoyed, please try to laugh it off and see it for what it is -- a benefit to you and to your child, too, to be able to know grandma at all. Your influence as the parent far outweighs grandma's occasional TV overdose with the kids, or a few days of junkier food. In other words -- count your blessings and let the annoyance go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We solve this problem by not having our parents babysit when they visit. We spend time together as a family, make and share meals, grandparents play with grandparents while we do whatever we want around the house or chat together, and when grandparents need a break we provide it rather than just turn on the TV. Yes, there are treats and exceptions and fun, but there's not this sense that we're trading free labor for some complete change in the way we function as a family.

And we on the other hand feel that kids building a relationship with grandparents is very important, as is time for us as a couple. The kids do not in any way build a separate relationship when it is all mediated through the parents. For us our marriage and our kids having their own relationship with family other than their parents is more important that a piece of chocolate, going to bed 30 minutes late or watching a TV show.

Everyone prioritizes things differently. OP you have to decide what is more important to you. Your child's relationship with grandma and your marriage or 1/2 hour of Tv and extra chicken nuggets.

I agree with this...very well said.

+1. Agree completely. At family gatherings, my SIL will not leave her kids sides because she's afraid that someone will turn on the tv or give them sweets, or some other thing she doesn't approve of. I can't speak for other family members, but I definitely feel like I get to know my other nieces and nephews better because I can have a conversation with them that isn't mediated through their parent.