I love when DH sleeps in the guest room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pathetic. you could get the same experience from a prostitute. a shared bed is shared intimacy. get counseling.

Different strokes for different folks. Why the hate? We are not hurting you.

[Anonymous]

Just want to add a few thoughts: because such a great emphasis is placed (by components of our society) on the signficance of married couples sleeping together, independent thought on this issue is often quashed. But here we are: free to think and share.

I once placed great emphasis on sleeping in the same bed. For whatever reason, my husband did NOT snore or thrash around in bed early in our marriage. I had a hard time sleeping when he was NOT in the bed, such as when he was traveling for business. When we married, I was 25 and he was 28.

Now I am 45. And he is 48. He became a chronic snorer so long ago I cannot even recall when he was not such I am a light sleeper and he is not. One of the things that began to take place is that he would fall asleep before I did, and the absolute INSTANT I began to fall asleep, he would begin to twitch and snore. It was excruciating, as I often found myself in a terrible cycle of having been thwarted from falling asleep too many times in one night to ever fall asleep. I found I do NOT do well sleep deprived. It left me anxious and unable to cope.

So I resorted to sleeping in the guest room of our very small house. For some time, this arrangement worked well. I was rested, he was rested, and we could have sex when both of us were rested, in whatever bed we chose. Well, once the child arrived (conceived in that guest room bed) , 12 years into our marriage, I became quite adept at navigating sleep deprivation. In fact, I was quite the expert at managing on three ours of sleep, at least for a few hours.

However, my need for sleep did not go away entirely. And, over time, because our one spare bedroom became our daughters room, I ended up sharing her bed. Or, I shared my bed with her. None of this was anyone's ideal. It is simply what happened out of necessity.

Fast forward 8 years. DD is now seven and she and I share her bed for sleep. I share DH's ("our") bed for date nights. My husband has figured out that when I am rested I will be able to have sex, but while asleep, I will not. And because he has been unable to find a way of bothering to deal with his snoring, and I have tried everything including the highest db rating of earplugs, I will sleep elsewhere.

I would love my own bedroom, and totally support such a notion for any couple, including (especially) any loving couple who has figured out that humans need sleep, and getting it is way more important than other people's narrow minded ideas of what constitutes togetherness.

Anyone in a long term marriage knows there are compromises and sacrifices. I think most would agree that noone should sacrifice eating or breating. Well, sleeping properly is just as essential. If you had to choose between going without exercise and going without sleep, going without exercise would be the better choice, and I say that knowing full well how important exercise is.

OP: whatever your issues with DH, some time for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of enjoying. I believe you know you would touch some kind of nerve, and thus the provocative nature of your subject. However, for those who do it for sleep reasons exclusively, I wanted to chime in and offer blanket support for this notion.

As to counseling: We have had our share of counseling. Not one bit of it relates to where we sleep.

[Anonymous]

Isn't moving out of the marital bed the first step before one moves into another's bed? Would you be fine with that occurring? If that scenario occurred would you want to remain married?

[Anonymous]

Dh sleeps on the couch downstairs.

We have not slept in the same bed since ds was born 2 years ago.

Ds and I share the bed upstairs.

[Anonymous]

I sleep in the guest room 2-3 nights a week. We haven't been married long but we began this system when we first moved in together because I know how much I need good sleep and I am too light a sleeper to snooze soundly next to ANYONE. Works for us and we really enjoy snuggling on our "together" nights specifically because I know I can get better, solitary sleep the next night if I need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pathetic. you could get the same experience from a prostitute. a shared bed is shared intimacy. get counseling.

My DH and I have different schedules and waking up at different times was affecting both our sleep. So we've been sleeping in separate rooms for months. Has not affected our relationship, sex life, or intimacy.--except that we are now more well rested!

[Anonymous]

It's funny the stuff that makes us cringe: I have no beef whatsoever with people who sleep separately from their spouses. (I've been out of town this week, sleeping alone, and I've been sleeping four hundred gazillion times better than usual; I wish we had a spare bedroom I could sleep in about half the time.) I don't see that as a step toward divorce - a step away from it, actually, since it means that the person who usually can't sleep will be less resentful toward their snoring spouse.

But the people who sleep with their kids are giving me the willies! Folks who do that - is it a good situation for you and the kids? Everyone's getting enough sleep? Parents aren't instilling any weird messages about over-availability to the kids?

[Anonymous]

I'd be interested in seeing whether there was a difference between sexual frequency of couples who sleep in the same bed versus those who do not. My suspicion is that the former have more.

[Anonymous]

I'm a terrible sleeper, especially when I'm pregnant, so DH often volunteers to sleep downstairs on the couch. We both are so much more rested in the mornings when we sleep apart! We have a great marriage, but we both really need our sleep and are happier together when we sleep apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh sleeps on the couch downstairs.

We have not slept in the same bed since ds was born 2 years ago.

Ds and I share the bed upstairs.

AH, yes, the proverbial "family bed" which translates to mean "Dad sleeps elsewhere and will only be summoned for brief coitus when it's time to create a sibling for the little prince or princess."

My brother and his wife did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh sleeps on the couch downstairs.

We have not slept in the same bed since ds was born 2 years ago.

Ds and I share the bed upstairs.

AH, yes, the proverbial "family bed" which translates to mean "Dad sleeps elsewhere and will only be summoned for brief coitus when it's time to create a sibling for the little prince or princess."

My brother and his wife did this.

Totally agree with you. Messed up.

[Anonymous]

When DH is snoring I don't make him leave the bed - I go sleep on the sofa, which I don't mind. I didn't know that snoring was so prevalent. Are these DHs in their 30's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't moving out of the marital bed the first step before one moves into another's bed? Would you be fine with that occurring? If that scenario occurred would you want to remain married?

Well, I for one would file for divorce the morning immediately following sleeping in separate beds. Even for just one night. I mean, there's really no other logical conclusion, is there? I have to agree with that other very intelligent PP - sleeping in separate beds is exactly the same as visiting a prostitute.

[Anonymous]

I have my own bedroom and bathroom. We built our house with this in mind so yes, hubby likes it too. We get together in his room regularly.

[Anonymous]

I hate sleeping without my husband. When he goes on business trips, my sleep just isn't the same. He says his isn't either. We love cuddling and are two very affectionate people.