Reply to I love when DH sleeps in the guest room

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[quote=Anonymous]Just want to add a few thoughts: because such a great emphasis is placed (by components of our society) on the signficance of married couples sleeping together, independent thought on this issue is often quashed. But here we are: free to think and share.

I once placed great emphasis on sleeping in the same bed. For whatever reason, my husband did NOT snore or thrash around in bed early in our marriage. I had a hard time sleeping when he was NOT in the bed, such as when he was traveling for business. When we married, I was 25 and he was 28.

Now I am 45. And he is 48. He became a chronic snorer so long ago I cannot even recall when he was not such  I am a light sleeper and he is not. One of the things that began to take place is that he would fall asleep before I did, and the absolute INSTANT I began to fall asleep, he would begin to twitch and snore. It was excruciating, as I often found myself in a terrible cycle of having been thwarted from falling asleep too many times in one night to ever fall asleep. I found I do NOT do well sleep deprived. It left me anxious and unable to cope.

So I resorted to sleeping in the guest room of our very small house. For some time, this arrangement worked well. I was rested, he was rested, and we could have sex when both of us were rested, in whatever bed we chose. Well, once the child arrived (conceived in that guest room bed) , 12 years into our marriage, I became quite adept at navigating sleep deprivation. In fact, I was quite the expert at managing on three ours of sleep, at least for a few hours.

However, my need for sleep did not go away entirely. And, over time, because our one spare bedroom became our daughters room, I ended up sharing her bed. Or, I shared my bed with her. None of this was anyone's ideal. It is simply what happened out of necessity.

Fast forward 8 years. DD is now seven and she and I share her bed for sleep. I share DH's ("our") bed for date nights. My husband has figured out that when I am rested I will be able to have sex, but while asleep, I will not. And because he has been unable to find a way of bothering to deal with his snoring, and I have tried everything including the highest db rating of earplugs, I will sleep elsewhere.

I would love my own bedroom, and totally support such a notion for any couple, including (especially) any loving couple who has figured out that humans need sleep, and getting it is way more important than other people's narrow minded ideas of what constitutes togetherness.

Anyone in a long term marriage knows there are compromises and sacrifices. I think most would agree that noone should sacrifice eating or breating. Well, sleeping properly is just as essential. If you had to choose between going without exercise and going without sleep, going without exercise would be the better choice, and I say that knowing full well how important exercise is.

OP: whatever your issues with DH, some time for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of enjoying. I believe you know you would touch some kind of nerve, and thus the provocative nature of your subject. However, for those who do it for sleep reasons exclusively, I wanted to chime in and offer blanket support for this notion.

As to counseling: We have had our share of counseling. Not one bit of it relates to where we sleep.[/quote]

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