Straight to donor egg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is a lot to think about. You might try goggling some info. It will tell you that stat wise, your chances are dismal. {{{sorry!}}} IVF is hard on your body in general, and quite stressful. 3 cycles -- that will take at least a year, then you will be 43. and starting DE. DE is a lot to think about, but if your goal is a baby in a reasonable time frame, and you are OK with DE, perhaps better to go for what is likely to work for you. There will always be someone who "succeeded" with their own eggs, but the stats are way against you. Your doc is giving you good advice.

signed VERY VERY happy DE mom.

OP, I was you - same age, similar numbers, etc... I spent a little more than a year and a half doing all the initial testing and and an IVF cycle w/ my own eggs. (Even getting to the actual cycle takes mock cycles, timing challenges, etc... - it all takes waaaaay longer than you think it's going to.) But I felt that I wanted to at least give it a shot and see if I would be one of the statistical miracles. (I was w/ Dr. Abassi at Columbia Fertility - she gave my chances of a successful healthy birth at less than 5% with my age and numbers.) We gave it a shot and my response to the treatment was nil - not one fully formed egg. There were options for other protocols to try but my husband and I both felt that if our most important goal was a healthy child, then that goal was best achieved with donor eggs. We also wanted to have the option of having two children - which almost certainly wouldn't happen w/ my own eggs but had much better odds of being an option if we used a donor. As my husband said at the time, total failure was the next best thing to total success. It was sort of a blessing that I was so totally unresponsive.

We moved to donor eggs and on our second cycle (w/ frozen blasts) we got pregnant w/ twins. Today we have thriving two year old b/g twins and I had a fairly easy, healthy pregnancy that I carried to term.

I think if I were in your shoes again I probably would do what you're considering (especially if you have insurance coverage!) - trying a cycle just to see how I respond and then moving on to DE. But if you feel emotionally/intellectually ready to just go forward with DE I think that is a terrific decision also. Especially if you can foresee more than one child - then getting started asap rather than investing a significant chunk of time in a statistically unlikely pursuit could be very smart.

You sound like you're in a great place with it all already though. I can tell you that while I certainly wish that I had been able to do all of this a decade ago, or have miraculously fabulous eggs in my 40's, once I got pregnant I felt very confident that the babies would be healthy. I'm not sure I would have had that much peace of mind when pregnant, or even now that they're born, if they were the product of my old eggs. Beyond just the hurdles of the odds of a healthy pregnancy/baby, the risk of other complications w/ babies from older eggs isn't insignificant. So that's another benefit of a young donor. (And pick a proven donor by the way, if you go that route.)

Whatever you decide - good luck! I hope a year from now your holiday season will have taken on an entirely new layer of joy!

[Anonymous]

Rats - 13:28 here again. I meant to say that I was obviously agreeing w/ the other donor mom.

Also, the IVF stuff itself is hard, but not necessarily in the physical sense. That stuff is different for everyone (how you react to the hormones, managing the shots, etc...) but it's incredibly hard in terms of working your life around the endless visits, tests, blood draws, cycle timing, etc... And emotionally it's tough. But I found it all fairly manageable. The hardest part for me was managing all the clinical stuff in a way that didn't scream to my job that I AM TRYING TO GET PREGNANT!!! There were a couple of nutty hormonal days - some weepy/angry, some really fun (I felt about 25 again for a while!), but they weren't bad. A few pounds of weight gain, but nothing drastic. I wouldn't worry too much about the physical aspects of the IVF process if you're generally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is a lot to think about. You might try goggling some info. It will tell you that stat wise, your chances are dismal. {{{sorry!}}} IVF is hard on your body in general, and quite stressful. 3 cycles -- that will take at least a year, then you will be 43. and starting DE. DE is a lot to think about, but if your goal is a baby in a reasonable time frame, and you are OK with DE, perhaps better to go for what is likely to work for you. There will always be someone who "succeeded" with their own eggs, but the stats are way against you. Your doc is giving you good advice.

signed VERY VERY happy DE mom.

OP, I was you - same age, similar numbers, etc... I spent a little more than a year and a half doing all the initial testing and and an IVF cycle w/ my own eggs. (Even getting to the actual cycle takes mock cycles, timing challenges, etc... - it all takes waaaaay longer than you think it's going to.) But I felt that I wanted to at least give it a shot and see if I would be one of the statistical miracles. (I was w/ Dr. Abassi at Columbia Fertility - she gave my chances of a successful healthy birth at less than 5% with my age and numbers.) We gave it a shot and my response to the treatment was nil - not one fully formed egg. There were options for other protocols to try but my husband and I both felt that if our most important goal was a healthy child, then that goal was best achieved with donor eggs. We also wanted to have the option of having two children - which almost certainly wouldn't happen w/ my own eggs but had much better odds of being an option if we used a donor. As my husband said at the time, total failure was the next best thing to total success. It was sort of a blessing that I was so totally unresponsive.

We moved to donor eggs and on our second cycle (w/ frozen blasts) we got pregnant w/ twins. Today we have thriving two year old b/g twins and I had a fairly easy, healthy pregnancy that I carried to term.

I think if I were in your shoes again I probably would do what you're considering (especially if you have insurance coverage!) - trying a cycle just to see how I respond and then moving on to DE. But if you feel emotionally/intellectually ready to just go forward with DE I think that is a terrific decision also. Especially if you can foresee more than one child - then getting started asap rather than investing a significant chunk of time in a statistically unlikely pursuit could be very smart.

You sound like you're in a great place with it all already though. I can tell you that while I certainly wish that I had been able to do all of this a decade ago, or have miraculously fabulous eggs in my 40's, once I got pregnant I felt very confident that the babies would be healthy. I'm not sure I would have had that much peace of mind when pregnant, or even now that they're born, if they were the product of my old eggs. Beyond just the hurdles of the odds of a healthy pregnancy/baby, the risk of other complications w/ babies from older eggs isn't insignificant. So that's another benefit of a young donor. (And pick a proven donor by the way, if you go that route.)

Whatever you decide - good luck! I hope a year from now your holiday season will have taken on an entirely new layer of joy!

I am curious what you are referring to. What are the risks beyond chromosomal issues? The autism/schizophrenia risk is a matter of the age of the father, not the mother, I believe.

[Anonymous]

First, I completely agree with 13:28.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do a cycle with my own eggs, while pursuing a donor. Having had friends go the donor route, it can take a while to find a donor (depending on your criteria and availability), so why not do that while doing a cycle with your own eggs? That way you don't have to wonder "what if" (and could possibly also save yourself thousands of dollars) if the cycle with your eggs is successful. I went to SG at 41, albeit with slightly better numbers, and my doctor had very low expectations ("we hope to get one egg, but we might not get any"). They got 16 eggs on my first cycle, I almost hyperstimmed, and several blasts made it to day five. I didn't get pregnant on that cycle, possibly because by then my doctor was convinced I was going to have triplets. So, you never know. Good luck and godspeed, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would give it a shot with OE first while doing the preliminary DE work. You have the coverage and the numbers only tell you so much. I did 3 IVFs and didn't find them physically very taxing. The psychological part was harder but since you are ready for DE and will essentially know your next step even if the first step fails, you will be in a better situation. Good luck and let us know what you decide and how did it go.

[Anonymous]

I was 39, newly married. Went through 4 ivf cycles (covered) before going to DE. I guess I "needed" to try OE first. IVF is very difficult, but like a PP said do-able. I totally agree that the hardest part is figuring out a way to do it without it impacting work. You have to get creative at times and be very careful (like call in sick if the estrace is making you crazy, for example). It was tough on my husband too. After finally moving on to DE, I got pregnant on first try at 41 and we could not be happier. I don't know if I wish I'd skipped straight to DE to have a baby sooner, but I do know if I didn't have coverage I wouldn't have been able to afford more than one cycle, I don't know whether I would have tried OE or DE. I do wonder if I have chose OE and it didn't work, would I be sitting here with no baby now? It is a tough road, OP, good luck with your choices.

[Anonymous]

OP here again with another question-- if we had a relative who was willing to donate an egg, would it reduce the cost of the DE procedure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again with another question-- if we had a relative who was willing to donate an egg, would it reduce the cost of the DE procedure?

Yes, about $5-10,000 less. But it does complicate things a bit.

[Anonymous]

If your relative was under 31 and all her testing came back looking good, you would save the cost of donor compensation. Like pp said, it does complicate things. It is a lot to ask of a relative, as they would stimulate her to grow many eggs. It is a big time & physical commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again with another question-- if we had a relative who was willing to donate an egg, would it reduce the cost of the DE procedure?

Hi OP. 13:28 here. Yes, your costs would be less - the fee that is paid to the donor is the piece you wouldn't incur if you had a donor who didn't want any compensation. So depending on the clinic those fees can vary - usually within the $5-10k range from what I know. There could be some additional costs w/ a known donor who hasn't had any of the testing and screening, whose response to the medications is unknown, etc... Those would probably be significantly less than the donor fee, but they might be worth considering. And your known donor could be a less than ideal clinical candidate and you might find yourself right back at looking at anonymous donors anyway.

But as others said, there are other complications - with an anonymous donor you pick from candidates who were prescreened for health, fertility, mental stability, etc... and perhaps can also know whether they have successfully donated before. For instance, the donor we chose had a child of her own, and had donated twice before with our agency (both resulting in pregnancies) so they knew how she responded to medications, that her eggs seemed good, etc... That gave us huge peace of mind. And, while I do think of her often, she is a fairly abstract concept to us - not someone we'll be seeing at holiday gatherings, family events, etc...

We contemplated having a donor donor but in addition to some medical concerns and lack of knowledge about the health/viability of her eggs (she was 35 at the time) we also weighed very seriously how it would feel to us (and her!) to navigate the emotional waters of the various relationships over our children's lives. So the things to think through go way beyond just the dollars.

[Anonymous]

i'm 41, have one child, got pregnant naturally after 2years of trying. did 2 IVFs and both negative. FSH also 12. can't remember my other number. i wish i had gone to donor egg instead of IVF. in my life, i've done 5 IUIs and 2 IVFs, and once you get the hang of it, IVF isn't that hard. But it's more stressful.
best of luck!!!