Straight to donor egg?

[Anonymous]

I am pretty new to all of this and would just like some initial reactions from those who've been there, done that.

I'm 42, never been pregnant. DH and I met later in life and for various reasons, having a family wasn't feasible until recently. I have very regular cycles but not great blood work. FSH is 12 and AMH is undetectable, less than 0.16. We haven't done any further testing yet.

We went to Shady Grove and the doc advised going straight to donor egg, do not pass go, do not collect $200. My insurance will pay for 3 cycles of IVF and he said we could always try, but chances are slim.

So here are my questions:

--How hard is ivf on your body? Do you think it's worth trying for such a small chance?
--Do they recommend donor egg just so their clinic can have better success rates, or is this really a minuscule chance?
--Anybody else had similar numbers at my age and been successful at having a baby using ivf?

Having a baby genetically mine doesn't matter so much to me, as long as the baby could at least have my husband's genes.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts, and for anyone who wants to tell me there are grandmas my age and I should forget it altogether, you can hold your thoughts, I have those same fears every day.

[Anonymous]

Your insurance would cover 3 own egg IVF, but if you do DE, you'll have to pay out of pocket? If so, I would go ahead and do 3 own egg IVF cycles. The success rates are probably fairly low, less than 10% chance per cycle, but still, worth a shot. Then move onto DE without regrets.

If your insurance covers DE at all, then I'd go ahead and do that right away.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't put my body and mind through the stress of an IVF cycle for a low success rate. I would probably go straight to donor egg at 42.

[Anonymous]

At 42 with those labs, I'd go straight to DE. It sounds like you are ready to start your family now; DE is a wonderful way to do that with a much higher success rate than trying IVF on your own.

1. I did not find IVF stressful on my body--it was stressful on my bank account! We were 100% OOP and that shit's expensive!
2. They recommend DE, because it gives you the best shot at reaching your goal--a baby.
3. I am 40, FSH 5.6 with AFC of 11. (No clue what my AMH is.) Did 2 IVF cycles, got pregnant on the second but m/c at 9 weeks. I was crushed and knew I was ready to move on to something with better odds. DE is not a sure thing, but we moved on. First cycle was a miserable failure, but I am now 15w pregnant from my 2nd cycle and could not be more thrilled.

GL!

[Anonymous]

Your insurance probably only covers IVF with your own eggs, because they probably follow the Maryland Mandate. In that case, I would try at least one cycle with your own eggs, to see how you respond to the medications. Your FSH is not terrible (although they like to see it under 10 I believe), but the low AMH of course isn't great. Nonetheless, given the coverage, I'd try. You might be a very poor responder and your cycle might get cancelled, in which case you will not have to go through the egg retrieval, which is the most invasive part of the process. At least then you would know and could move to DE without wondering what might have been, and who knows, maybe you will be successful. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

21:35 here. To answer your last question: I was 39, my FSH was 10 (but with high estrogen, which can suppress FSH if I remember right), my AMH was 0.79, and AFC was under 10. I got pregnant on my first IVF and carried twins to term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your insurance probably only covers IVF with your own eggs, because they probably follow the Maryland Mandate. In that case, I would try at least one cycle with your own eggs, to see how you respond to the medications. Your FSH is not terrible (although they like to see it under 10 I believe), but the low AMH of course isn't great. Nonetheless, given the coverage, I'd try. You might be a very poor responder and your cycle might get cancelled, in which case you will not have to go through the egg retrieval, which is the most invasive part of the process. At least then you would know and could move to DE without wondering what might have been, and who knows, maybe you will be successful. Good luck!

I agree. One own egg cycle for closure and then move on.

[Anonymous]

My cousin's wife was in a similar situation as the OP. She was about 43 at the time. They were about to give up after the 2nd IVF and decide one more. Like the pp said, for closure. Lo and behold, she got pregnant on the third try using her own eggs. You will have to decide what is right for you.

[Anonymous]

If you have coverage, there's no harm in trying with your own eggs...esp. as your insurance likely won't cover DE.

That said, if you are questioning your clinic's recommendation, I would definitely get a second opinion. You can always opt to get your treatment at SG, but at least you'll have someone else who can confirm their treatment plan or suggest alternatives. Personally, if I were you and wanted to stay local, I would try GW since they are not so stats-driven. But any other RE can likely give you an assessment as well.

[Anonymous]

My situation was worse than yours (at 31, I had an FSH in the 100s - yes, you read that right) so we decided to go straight to DE even though my insurance would pay for a few own egg IVF cycles. I've done one DE cycle now (paying out-of-pocket), which unfortunately was a BFN. But, for what it's worth, I want to tell you that I've never looked back or questioned the decision not to at least try an own-egg cycle. (Again, I realize my numbers are much, much worse than yours, but I just wanted to give you another perspective of someone who's "been there.") Best of luck w/ your decision. Hugs, and baby dust, to you!

[Anonymous]

I would switch to GW first (Frankfurter). I was in the same scenario as you almost exactly (started ivf at 42, married late)! Cycle 1 at SG was canceled due to only 2 follies, so then I switched to GW did one cycle regular IVF (again only 2 follies but Dr F still let me go to retreival) and then 2 NCIVF. Neither worked but with NC you can do back to back so don't lose too much time. I already had my consult scheduled with RBA so that it was only a week after my negative beta that I wa proceeding with DE. From initial consult to transfer was only 3 months. I am currently 25 weeks and turned 44 last month

Also, I had 3 IVF's coverage and no DE, yet my insurance still picked up about $3k of the transfer costs of the DE cycle fwiw.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all so much! So much great advice in this thread. I'm leaning toward trying IVF just to see. I actually had an appointment with GW, but had such a poor experience with their office staff that I went to SG instead.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is a lot to think about. You might try goggling some info. It will tell you that stat wise, your chances are dismal. {{{sorry!}}} IVF is hard on your body in general, and quite stressful. 3 cycles -- that will take at least a year, then you will be 43. and starting DE. DE is a lot to think about, but if your goal is a baby in a reasonable time frame, and you are OK with DE, perhaps better to go for what is likely to work for you. There will always be someone who "succeeded" with their own eggs, but the stats are way against you. Your doc is giving you good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin's wife was in a similar situation as the OP. She was about 43 at the time. They were about to give up after the 2nd IVF and decide one more. Like the pp said, for closure. Lo and behold, she got pregnant on the third try using her own eggs. You will have to decide what is right for you.

Your cousins wife may be keeping her DE news to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is a lot to think about. You might try goggling some info. It will tell you that stat wise, your chances are dismal. {{{sorry!}}} IVF is hard on your body in general, and quite stressful. 3 cycles -- that will take at least a year, then you will be 43. and starting DE. DE is a lot to think about, but if your goal is a baby in a reasonable time frame, and you are OK with DE, perhaps better to go for what is likely to work for you. There will always be someone who "succeeded" with their own eggs, but the stats are way against you. Your doc is giving you good advice.

signed VERY VERY happy DE mom.