Would you be upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I will try to be as concise as possible....My husband's parents are in town for TG and Chanukah. My MIL's sister, my husband's aunt, decided to host an adult only party Sat, from 4-8. We have lived here almost 4 years and this aunt has never as much as sent us a card. I could pass her on the street and not recognize her. We are the only ones with kids-we have three under 10 and the only ones that are Jewish. My MIL converted when she got married and has raised her kids Jewish. My husband is in retail and will be working TG-all night into Friday-he hopes to be home for dinner Friday so we can have dinner/do Chanukah. I am upset that his mother expects him to go to this aunt's house on Sat night even though he has not spoken to her in years-she lives about 10 minutes away, regardless of the fact that it is a holiday for us. Everyone acknowledges that my husband is only invited to appease his parents who happen to be in town. We are invited to another holiday party at the same time and I feel that we should all go as a family to that one. It is a holiday weekend and I really feel strongly that it is family time. The fact that our kids are not welcome in this woman's home is really upsetting me! My MIL told me to drop my kids off at a friend's house but I want to spend the evening as a family-with our kids not with some woman I don't even know! Am I over reacting?

While I can see why you're annoyed, your post makes you sound a bit petty and bitchy--too many details that aren't relevant. Or just wrong.

Your kids aren't unwelcome specifically, it's adults only.
So what if the aunt hasn't sent you cards before? How much have you reached out? You're not close, that's fine.
THey're hosting a party because they're not Jewish, they're not tracking your holidays.
Who is everyone that acknowledges this? Wait--nobody cares.


Just say that you were previously invited elsewhere and go there. That's the real deal, not that you wanted to spend time home as a family. BTW, this IS part of the family, whether you like it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband go for an hour and then join you at the other party?

I guess he can, I just don't know why we need to go through the motions for this woman-he will probably go for a bit but feels wrong to me on so many levels. I don't want to be a bitch, my husband is a great guy and this is a very stressful weekend for him (work). Just wanted to have a nice family night.

Here's the problem. It's not about the aunt. It's about his mom. And, you can't have a nice family night if you turn it into conflict. The only way to make it a nice family night is to figure out now to do both and make peace with it so you aren't miserable about the fact that things didn't go your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AroundTheBlock wrote:Your family is more important. If your husband's parents want to see him they can come over and visit more often. As for your aunt. She can screw herself. Any smart and nice person will understand that immediate family comes FIRST.

The aunt IS the MIL's immediate family. Your husband is doing an inconvenient thing to make his mother happy. You probably do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. Heck, you probably want your husband to do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. I think you are overreacting.

No. Immediate family is spouse and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely understand that you don't want to go and you should see if you can avoid going but I think you are indeed overreacting. The aunt was probably inviting you to be nice to your MIL (as other pps have noted). Remember, you don't even know this person so is it fair to jump to the conclusion that she is deliberately trying to make your life difficult?

Just figure out what works for you with regard to this party but don't take the invitation so personally. Hope everything works out!

I agree with this post. OP, you're assuming that this woman is terrible, has intentionally ignored you etc. but that may not be the case. How long has it been since this aunt saw your MIL? Maybe that's occasion enough for aunt to finally have a social event and she is doing the polite thing to invite her sister's son and his wife. I've had relatives of the aunt-by-marriage variety that weren't really close enough that I expected them to reach out to me particularly. Why are you so offended by this woman when the real issue is just your own expectations are not being met?

It sounds as if you are lugging around some baggage from the fact that this aunt has never before asked your family to do anything and now she has put her event during your expected family time. Unless you sent her a schedule of "dates not to do anything where you invite your nephew, my husband," she really isn't out to ruin your weekend.

By now the party is later today. Wonder what you ended up doing. I would go to the party for an hour with husband then come home and go to the neighborhood party with the kids along. If you can't get a short-time sitter, let husband go and don't spend the whole evening carping about the fact he went to his aunt's house to make his mother happy. One hour to make her happy while she visits. Is that really reason to be this upset?

By the way, I don't see how going to the neighborhood party makes Saturday night your "family night." You say you want just family time but then mention that aunt's party conflicts with another party you want to attend. So the neighborhood party is your...family time?

And aunt is not intentionally excluding your children as a slap at you. That's being pretty self-centered to interpret this as "my children are not welcome." Surely you remember grown-up parties where no kids were present? You are taking personally things that truly are not personal and are no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely understand that you don't want to go and you should see if you can avoid going but I think you are indeed overreacting. The aunt was probably inviting you to be nice to your MIL (as other pps have noted). Remember, you don't even know this person so is it fair to jump to the conclusion that she is deliberately trying to make your life difficult?

Just figure out what works for you with regard to this party but don't take the invitation so personally. Hope everything works out!

I agree with this post. OP, you're assuming that this woman is terrible, has intentionally ignored you etc. but that may not be the case. How long has it been since this aunt saw your MIL? Maybe that's occasion enough for aunt to finally have a social event and she is doing the polite thing to invite her sister's son and his wife. I've had relatives of the aunt-by-marriage variety that weren't really close enough that I expected them to reach out to me particularly. Why are you so offended by this woman when the real issue is just your own expectations are not being met?

It sounds as if you are lugging around some baggage from the fact that this aunt has never before asked your family to do anything and now she has put her event during your expected family time. Unless you sent her a schedule of "dates not to do anything where you invite your nephew, my husband," she really isn't out to ruin your weekend.

By now the party is later today. Wonder what you ended up doing. I would go to the party for an hour with husband then come home and go to the neighborhood party with the kids along. If you can't get a short-time sitter, let husband go and don't spend the whole evening carping about the fact he went to his aunt's house to make his mother happy. One hour to make her happy while she visits. Is that really reason to be this upset?

By the way, I don't see how going to the neighborhood party makes Saturday night your "family night." You say you want just family time but then mention that aunt's party conflicts with another party you want to attend. So the neighborhood party is your...family time?

And aunt is not intentionally excluding your children as a slap at you. That's being pretty self-centered to interpret this as "my children are not welcome." Surely you remember grown-up parties where no kids were present? You are taking personally things that truly are not personal and are no big deal.

Well said!~

[Anonymous]

Everybody Loves Raymond