Would you be upset

[Anonymous]

I will try to be as concise as possible....My husband's parents are in town for TG and Chanukah. My MIL's sister, my husband's aunt, decided to host an adult only party Sat, from 4-8. We have lived here almost 4 years and this aunt has never as much as sent us a card. I could pass her on the street and not recognize her. We are the only ones with kids-we have three under 10 and the only ones that are Jewish. My MIL converted when she got married and has raised her kids Jewish. My husband is in retail and will be working TG-all night into Friday-he hopes to be home for dinner Friday so we can have dinner/do Chanukah. I am upset that his mother expects him to go to this aunt's house on Sat night even though he has not spoken to her in years-she lives about 10 minutes away, regardless of the fact that it is a holiday for us. Everyone acknowledges that my husband is only invited to appease his parents who happen to be in town. We are invited to another holiday party at the same time and I feel that we should all go as a family to that one. It is a holiday weekend and I really feel strongly that it is family time. The fact that our kids are not welcome in this woman's home is really upsetting me! My MIL told me to drop my kids off at a friend's house but I want to spend the evening as a family-with our kids not with some woman I don't even know! Am I over reacting?

[AroundTheBlock]

Your family is more important. If your husband's parents want to see him they can come over and visit more often. As for your aunt. She can screw herself. Any smart and nice person will understand that immediate family comes FIRST.

[Anonymous]

It sounds frustrating. You don't need to be offended that she is having an adults only party, as that is her right, but you also don't have to go. Say that you already have plans and can't cancel on the other party to which you already RSVPed. Or say that you were planning on spending the holiday weekend as a family with your kids (but no snark allowed when you say it). If MIL and FIL need a ride to the party, find a way to make that happen, but then go your own way for the rest of the evening.

[Anonymous]

AroundTheBlock wrote:Your family is more important. If your husband's parents want to see him they can come over and visit more often. As for your aunt. She can screw herself. Any smart and nice person will understand that immediate family comes FIRST.

The aunt IS the MIL's immediate family. Your husband is doing an inconvenient thing to make his mother happy. You probably do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. Heck, you probably want your husband to do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. I think you are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

The person to be upset with is your husband. It's not unreasonable for people who are not Jewish to hold a party on Thanksgiving weekend when their relatives are in town. Childfree parties are not unreasonable, and they aren't an indication that your children aren't welcome in their home. It's also reasonable for your MIL to want to spend time with her child at the holidays, just like you want to spend time with yours.

But your DH needs to make it clear that while he appreciate the invite, and that at any other time he wants to go, he's already missing the first 1 or maybe 2 nights of Hanukkah and wants to celebrate with his children. Then keep the kids home, and celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AroundTheBlock wrote:Your family is more important. If your husband's parents want to see him they can come over and visit more often. As for your aunt. She can screw herself. Any smart and nice person will understand that immediate family comes FIRST.

The aunt IS the MIL's immediate family. Your husband is doing an inconvenient thing to make his mother happy. You probably do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. Heck, you probably want your husband to do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. I think you are overreacting.

op here-I don't have a mother, and very few family members-none nearby. We spend time mostly with his side. Thanks for the replies.

[Anonymous]

So say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds frustrating. You don't need to be offended that she is having an adults only party, as that is her right, but you also don't have to go. Say that you already have plans and can't cancel on the other party to which you already RSVPed. Or say that you were planning on spending the holiday weekend as a family with your kids (but no snark allowed when you say it). If MIL and FIL need a ride to the party, find a way to make that happen, but then go your own way for the rest of the evening.

+1

[Anonymous]

Can your husband go for an hour and then join you at the other party?

[Anonymous]

I would leave it up to your husband. His family so his decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband go for an hour and then join you at the other party?

I guess he can, I just don't know why we need to go through the motions for this woman-he will probably go for a bit but feels wrong to me on so many levels. I don't want to be a bitch, my husband is a great guy and this is a very stressful weekend for him (work). Just wanted to have a nice family night.

[Anonymous]

Not being unreasonable. What does your husband want to do? Hopefully he agrees with you and would rather spend the holiday with your kids. So, matter of factly say that you appreciate the invite but you have other plans at that time. Who cares about pissing off an aunt that you don't know. It doesn't sound like this is the only time you'll be able to see MIL, hopefully she'll get over it.

I could see you giving in if this were the only time relatives would be in town and they wanted to see your kids. But get a sitter on your religious holiday to please MIL's sister? No way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely understand that you don't want to go and you should see if you can avoid going but I think you are indeed overreacting. The aunt was probably inviting you to be nice to your MIL (as other pps have noted). Remember, you don't even know this person so is it fair to jump to the conclusion that she is deliberately trying to make your life difficult?

Just figure out what works for you with regard to this party but don't take the invitation so personally. Hope everything works out!

[Anonymous]

Well, that's easy!

NO!

You can't be afraid of offending the invisible aunt's feelings, who was perhaps strong-armed into giving you an invite. You can't be afraid of offending MIL, who is palpably making an unreasonable request ("Sorry, we already said yes to a more family-friendly party at the same time"). Your DH has to stand up for his family, ie: you and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

AroundTheBlock wrote:Your family is more important. If your husband's parents want to see him they can come over and visit more often. As for your aunt. She can screw herself. Any smart and nice person will understand that immediate family comes FIRST.

The aunt IS the MIL's immediate family. Your husband is doing an inconvenient thing to make his mother happy. You probably do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. Heck, you probably want your husband to do inconvenient things to make your mother happy. I think you are overreacting.

op here-I don't have a mother, and very few family members-none nearby. We spend time mostly with his side. Thanks for the replies.

That's unfortunate, but irrelevant.