This is going to sound repetitive, but MIL is not your problem to "deal with". Why do you have to spend every holiday together? Why do you have to spend weekends together? Have DH go on his own - you're busy with X or Y.
We have three kids that MIL is actually nice to. So DH schedules visits with her when I am at a dinner meeting or have girls' night out. I do not feel the need to have a relationship with my MIL, but I don't let that interfere with the kids. Good luck! |
She wants to see you every weekend, send your DH & kids. Do your grocery shopping, get your hair done, meet girlfriends for brunch. Just because you are married doesn't make you a package deal. If your DH can't or won't take the kids alone that is just too bad for his mom. |
Tried it your DH's way for the first 22 years, now trying it MY way. I cut her off at Christmas last year and haven't dealt with her since. In my case, though, my DH has repeatedly told her to STFU and that she didn't realize that MY desire for my kids to know their grandparents was the only reason HE was still dealing with her drama. She didn't believe him...too bad for her now. She'll be lucky if she ever sees her granddaughters again, because she's no longer welcome in my home and I'm not going to hers (she lives in another state, flight-necessary) I guarantee you DH isn't going to use his precious vacation time to take the kids by himself to visit. But really, my kids are now old enough to hear how she treats us (and them to some degree) and realize they don't like a lot of what she says in their presence. They won't miss her negativity and crappy values (money money money) |
My mom had a really difficult MIL. She was old school German and very quick with criticism and stingy with affection. She was stubborn as a mule too. Watching my mother navigate that relationship taught me an enormous amount about how to deal with difficult people. If you can't manage it with time spent apart, try doing what someone else suggested and using it as a way to teach your children how to be polite and respectful while not being a doormat. Of course that's easier in small doses.
My MIL drives me batty too. I try to send my DH alone for some things and that helps a lot. I also spend a lot of time mulling over her positive traits and telling myself that she will not change. Good luck, it's hard. |
What is it with MIL. They want to control their kids but why drag me into it. You choose your spouse but not the rest of the family.
My silence usually gets my MIL stomping out of the house. Saves me the energy to speak up. Maybe that's the key. Say miminally and give no real comments that she can work with. BUT, life usually work in karma style so I make sure I'm not too harsh because one day, i don't want to be that MIL and our kids will be avoiding. |