Helicopter parenting
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
By your own account, it's not the only example he had. You said SHE is the one who is spoiled. If he was raised well, then there's his example. |
Anonymous
| The funny thing about this thread: the type of woman who thinks her husband can't think for himself is a great bet to be editing her children's grad school papers. |
Anonymous
Are you looking to find fault with these people? Aren't your in-laws and your SIL entitled to their own relationship with each other? Are you jealous and upset that the in-laws don't helicopter over you and your husband more? If not, then I'd say count your blessings and leave it at that. |
Anonymous
Ha ha! Exactly. OP, you have no control over how your ILs interact with their daughter, so just accept it and create your own rules at home. By the way, if you mean her parents discuss her research articles with her, that might be acceptable. In scientific research, a paper is submitted to a journal only after extensive discussion and revision with multiple scientists, and if her parents are in the same branch of research, they can contribute helpful criticism. |
Anonymous
| Having an editor, once in awhile is nice. I'm sure they don't do her work. The fact that they mention this to you and that they shared with others that the pregnancy was a accident - these things say bad things about them and you if you care. |
Anonymous
OP here, I have two masters degrees and would be mortified if I had to ask my parents for help with my papers or other assignments. |
Anonymous
| My MOTHER has a Master's degree and will sometimes call ME to listen to, read otherwise copyedit her writing. It is part of the writing process OP. Would you feel better jf SIL was getting the neighbor to do it instead? |
Anonymous
| Maybe she is stupid, when she tries to find employment the truth will come out |
Anonymous
Just because you wouldn't have trusted your parents to review your work doesn't mean she doesn't trust hers to do so. Did no one but your adviser ever see your work? Seriously? OP, the fact that this bugs you so very deeply says you're insecure somehow, or jealous that baby sister gets attention that maybe you think husband deserves. If HE is not the one upset and jealous, why should you be so on his behalf? Take the energy you're putting into this and put it somewhere positive instead. This is about far more than her grad school work, after all, and you're not going to change their family dynamic or make your husband magically The Favorite. Let it go. |
Anonymous
| OMg I'm amazed. Are you the same people who take money from your parents? Cut the cord already!! |
Anonymous
| My parents were not involved in my grad school education. But there's an obvious difference between having your parents do your homework and having someone close to you proofread a paper for you. OP doesn't really clarify what is going on, but given her general shitty attitude towards her sister, I'm guessing this is totally appropriate proofreading. |
Anonymous
|
When I was in college I knew exactly 0 people who didn't have someone proofread their papers for them before they turned them in. Since that is the only example OP gave, I can only judge by that, and I think it is perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable. The only thing slightly unusual is that her parents are her proofreaders, but I see nothing wrong with it.
There really is nothing in the original post to give me a clue what OP is upset about beyond this one thing that I think is perfectly acceptable. Oopsie children happen. Big age gaps between children happen, both on purpose and on accident. What's the big deal? |
Anonymous
|
My SIL is only 2 years younger than DH, but she is very spoiled by FIL and MIL. It's not material, but they are incredibly overly-involved in her life.
DH and SIL are both now adults in their 40s. Recently my parents in law were on Europe on vacation for a couple weeks. SIL had a nervous breakdown and i think it was because her parents were out of town. I don't envy her enmeshed relationship with her parents. We are scared about how she will handle it when they die (hopefully not soon - they are both healthy). When they were away, she called us 5 or 6 times a day (normally she rarely calls). |
Anonymous
OP, sometimes adult children grow up with entirely different values and priorities and perspectives than that of their parents. Example that always comes to mind is fictional Alex P. Keaton and parents Elyse and Stephen on Family Ties. The humor was how this hippie, crunchy couple ended up with a conservative, Republican, preppy son. Hilarity ensues. My DH is a real-life Alex P. Keaton - his parents were wide-eyed, idealistic teen parents who were lax with discipline, generally easy-going and politically and religiously apathetic. He was raised in a no rules type household. Guess what? My in-laws marvel and express surprise that DH is so very centered, conservative, politically active, motivated, disciplined, kind, compassionate and socially astute. They claim they had nothing to do with how he turned out, but I secretly think he became this way in direct contrast to how he was raised. He craved structure and rules, so he made and followed his own, etc. He was interested in religion and politics because his parents weren't, so he researched and formed his own opinions. In other words, you are kind of being a helicopter spouse by worrying about something that you can't control and that may or may not happen. YMMV. |
Anonymous
Ha! Seriously OP - you kind of sound like you're reaching to find problems that aren't yours and don't really matter. You and your husband will decide how to raise your kids together. Don't create issues that don't exist yet. |