DH quit his job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to someone like this. You need to read him the riot act. We give up the right to act unilaterally when we get married and have children. He needs to apologize for doing this and promise it will never happen again. If he says that you've failed to listen to his needs, then you need to discuss and address that. He needs to agree to sit down with you and work on a plan for his real estate career that you both agree with. There needs to be a timeline for him to get to a certain place, and an agreement that he will do something else (get a steady job with a certain income) if this time comes and goes.

And you need to see a divorce attorney to figure out where the chips would fall if he fails to follow through. Essentially, this is an ultimatum from you - he needs to show you that you can depend on him, or you need to go on your own.

Very true. For some people it's hard to give up their independence and consult their spouse; for others, it's pure impulsiveness; and the rest are just selfish. Figure out which one you have and act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like this is out of the blue. He has a real estate license. He talked about his terrible job. Unless you want to divorce him, you might as well be supportive. Maybe this is his true calling and he will be very successful, who knows?

[Anonymous]

Seems like men have less discretion about finding a "fulfilling" job than women. The expectation is that they will be the ones who work whatever shit job is necessary to pay the bills. Certainly I would never do what OP's husband did; because I know, even if my wife contributes, that paying the bills is ultimately my responsibility. I do think that the responsible guys who do what OP's husband did not -- stick with crap jobs to support their families because it's the right thing to do -- should get more credit than they typically do.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if I were miserable and disgruntled at work, I would consult my spouse before quitting. I would NOT be asking his permission and it would be more of a planning discussion. I watched my dad drop dead of a heart attack due, in part, to the stress of dealing with a tyrant boss. And I clearly remember my mother dismissing his complaints and telling him to hang in there.

Like another PP said, I am not so sure this was out of the blue either. Maybe OP did not expect him to quit so soon, but the notion of him quitting was hardly a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if I were miserable and disgruntled at work, I would consult my spouse before quitting. I would NOT be asking his permission and it would be more of a planning discussion. I watched my dad drop dead of a heart attack due, in part, to the stress of dealing with a tyrant boss. And I clearly remember my mother dismissing his complaints and telling him to hang in there.

Like another PP said, I am not so sure this was out of the blue either. Maybe OP did not expect him to quit so soon, but the notion of him quitting was hardly a surprise.

I agree that "permission" isn't the right way to think about it, but a couple should plan this together. For example, they could have discussed how to start saving more money before he quit, when he would resign, what he would do to develop his business, how much of their savings he could use for the business, how they would survive during her maternity leave, etc. You don't just come home and announce that you quit unless your company gave you the choice of quitting or doing something you found morally abhorrent or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like men have less discretion about finding a "fulfilling" job than women. The expectation is that they will be the ones who work whatever shit job is necessary to pay the bills. Certainly I would never do what OP's husband did; because I know, even if my wife contributes, that paying the bills is ultimately my responsibility. I do think that the responsible guys who do what OP's husband did not -- stick with crap jobs to support their families because it's the right thing to do -- should get more credit than they typically do.

Maybe. But I'm the one with the stable boring job that offers the income and health insurance that allows my husband to climb his career ladder. He's convinced himself that I love my job, which is not true--I'd rather stay home with the kids--but he doesn't want to be the sole breadwinner. But he wouldn't quit a job without consulting me and having us make a plan together. Because that is a crappy thing to do to your spouse.

[Anonymous]

I am all for supporting one's spouse in their dreams, but support is predicated on inclusion. I don't think it's reasonable to expect a person to automatically support a major life decision made without consulting them. If my husband did this, I would be really upset because acting unilaterally w/r/t our family's savings would not be okay with me. I also would never do this myself, because I would not feel right about using family funds to bankroll my dream career unless the rest of the family was on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

No excuse for him failing to discuss this major life decision with his family before he chose to act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

No excuse for him failing to discuss this major life decision with his family before he chose to act.

Agreed - so long as the discussion would have been about how best to get him out of the job and not to talk him out of leaving because of the inconvenience to the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

No excuse for him failing to discuss this major life decision with his family before he chose to act.

Agreed - so long as the discussion would have been about how best to get him out of the job and not to talk him out of leaving because of the inconvenience to the rest of the family.

Yeah. What if DW found her job super stressful and just up and quit? How would he feel? I would really just like to walk out of this place right now, but I'm thinking of my family while I'm sitting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

No excuse for him failing to discuss this major life decision with his family before he chose to act.

Agreed - so long as the discussion would have been about how best to get him out of the job and not to talk him out of leaving because of the inconvenience to the rest of the family.

Yeah. What if DW found her job super stressful and just up and quit? How would he feel? I would really just like to walk out of this place right now, but I'm thinking of my family while I'm sitting here.

They're called SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never quit a job unless you have another job already lined up, specially with children.

They have savings and it sounds like his job was extremely stressful. I would be very pissed off if my partner is a slave driver and only cares about a paycheck.

+ infinity

No excuse for him failing to discuss this major life decision with his family before he chose to act.

Agreed - so long as the discussion would have been about how best to get him out of the job and not to talk him out of leaving because of the inconvenience to the rest of the family.

Yeah. What if DW found her job super stressful and just up and quit? How would he feel? I would really just like to walk out of this place right now, but I'm thinking of my family while I'm sitting here.

They're called SAHM.

News flash: not everyone can afford to live on one income.