In-Laws rarely visit grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

My first two thoughts were "have you invited them" and "have you visited them"? My in-laws visit often, but never without an explicit invite from us even though we've told them a million times we welcome them anytime. And you can't be expecting them to do all the traveling--lots of embarrasing medical things crop up as you age (that they may not want to discuss with you) that make travelling difficult.

MY ILs are in FL too. We go there 2x/year and they come to us 2-3x/year (MIL alone some of the time).

[Anonymous]

We are in a very similar situation. We invite them, but they always find a reason why they don't come. What sucks the most is that they visit my SIL's family, but rarely visit ours.

It hurts my DH more than it does me, so I don't bring it up too much. We just try not to let it bother us too much. We invite when we can, and graciously accept them when they do come, but we have to remember that they are their own people, and that we can't force them to be involved in their grandkids lives. We are very lucky, though, because my parents are extremely involved!

We are in the exact same boat. I feel bad for DH, and my parents see it as well and make sure they don't do that to my brother's kids!!

[Anonymous]

My in-laws, who are in their 60s, retired, and financially comfortable, haven't visited in almost three years. They Skype, email, and send gifts, but they don't visit. They have issues. My husband and I accept it and let it go. It's all we can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

OP, you're quite funny. Tell us, what other random things you whine about in a typical day? You may be going through tough times...try to focus on what you and DH can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are in a very similar situation. We invite them, but they always find a reason why they don't come. What sucks the most is that they visit my SIL's family, but rarely visit ours.

It hurts my DH more than it does me, so I don't bring it up too much. We just try not to let it bother us too much. We invite when we can, and graciously accept them when they do come, but we have to remember that they are their own people, and that we can't force them to be involved in their grandkids lives. We are very lucky, though, because my parents are extremely involved!

We are in the exact same boat. I feel bad for DH, and my parents see it as well and make sure they don't do that to my brother's kids!!

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do they have other grandkids? I have around 15 cousins and my family was the only family out of state. Both sides of grandparents rarely came to visit. Maybe only once a year. My parents took us to visit our grandparents all the time and I feel like I have a close relationship with them.

But yes, my parents tell us constantly that DC is "too cold for them" wtf. I'm sick of celebrating Christmas in FL while sweating.

My parents live in FL, also. They told us they would never visit us in DC from October - March. They do make a trip up every summer. We also try to meet at other locations. We've met them in Myrtle Beach for Thanksgiving twice. That was fun for everyone. We've talked about Colorodo, but haven't planned yet.

I've found that my kids are a bit much for my parents. My dad doesn't have the patience for the whinning and crying. My mom is still working and doesn't get a lot of time off. They are part of the Boomer generation, so I think they like doing their own thing. I've learned to accept it.

How about an annual family spring break trip? You could still create memories with your family, it just will not be Christmas. We like having family in Florida to escape the cold. Make it a win/win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

We live in MD & I have the same situation only it's my parents who never visit. Both of my parents are in great health and can travel (they live in NC). Luckily my DH's parents live 5 minutes from us and see DD as much as they can. My parents, on the other hand will never visit us and have told me that. They visit my brother and his kids (for a week) in GA every summer. I have invited them to come anytime. We travel twice a year to visit them and cant do much more than that and I've accepted that this is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

My in laws are moving to Florida, and I have no intention of visiting them in the summer, at least Neil he kids are in school and it can't be avoided. It's too darn hot there. So I can see why a Floridian might prefer not to visit DC in winter. They probably don't even have appropriate winter wear. That doesn't explain the rest of the year, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are moving to Florida, and I have no intention of visiting them in the summer, at least Neil he kids are in school and it can't be avoided. It's too darn hot there. So I can see why a Floridian might prefer not to visit DC in winter. They probably don't even have appropriate winter wear. That doesn't explain the rest of the year, of course.

* until the kids are in school

[Anonymous]

We're in the same boat even though my ILs actually live about 45-60 minutes away. They will jump in if there's a serious emergency and we see them for the major holidays, but nothing beyond that. They have two other grand kids (DH's sister's kids) who love closer to them and they are very involved and active in thier lives. So yes, it's a sore point for me and DH. They act hurt when DD (2.5) does recognize them but they don't do much to foster a stronger relationship with them. We offer to come up to them, but they seemingly always have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

OP, you're quite funny. Tell us, what other random things you whine about in a typical day? You may be going through tough times...try to focus on what you and DH can do.

If you could make up lists on what's okay to ask about/reasonable to be concerned about and what's just ridiculous/hilarious and post them that would really help. Tanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We ask all the time and they just say they "can't". I miss having family holidays together - we just don't do that anymore. It's downright lonely. They have three grandkids all under the age of 6. My parents live out of state too but we see them more often. I can tell when we skype with them that my DC is leary of them since he doesn't see them that often. When they did visit about 11 months ago, my DC had to really warm up to them. They weren't even here that long and when they are here, they drive all around the east coast visiting distant relatives when I think they should be spending time with their grandkids.

Maybe they don't visit because they find you needy and demanding. Just because you have kids doesn't mean their world stops and start to spin around you. You sound like you're emotionally needy and maybe they don't want to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We ask all the time and they just say they "can't". I miss having family holidays together - we just don't do that anymore. It's downright lonely. They have three grandkids all under the age of 6. My parents live out of state too but we see them more often. I can tell when we skype with them that my DC is leary of them since he doesn't see them that often. When they did visit about 11 months ago, my DC had to really warm up to them. They weren't even here that long and when they are here, they drive all around the east coast visiting distant relatives when I think they should be spending time with their grandkids.

Here's the thing--you need to stop deciding what they "should" do. Some grandparents are super-involved and love kids and want to spend tons of time with their grandkids. Some aren't--you deal with the grandparents you have rather than the ones you wish you had, or you're going to be constantly disappointed (and set your kids up for disappointment). I get that you wish they were different, but they aren't.

It's their time and their money (you say they can afford to visit, but I'm guessing you're not actually privy to their personal finances). Presumably, they want to spend time with those "distant relatives" and want to see as many people as possible when they come to the East Coast (where are they coming from?). How often do you visit them? Why don't you travel to them for the holidays? Do you like them and get along with them, or do you just think that they are obligated to visit because they are family? Do they visit their other children or grandchildren? Do they travel often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

OP, you're quite funny. Tell us, what other random things you whine about in a typical day? You may be going through tough times...try to focus on what you and DH can do.

If you could make up lists on what's okay to ask about/reasonable to be concerned about and what's just ridiculous/hilarious and post them that would really help. Tanks.

Easy.

Reasonable: anything on what you can do to better handle your own family.

Funny: blaming others for your own struggle.

[Anonymous]

Before we moved, my in-laws lived 45 min away and saw DS once a month. My parents live 30 min away and saw DS weekly. My parents skype with DS daily and in-laws every other week. It is clear that DS recognizes and responds to my parents better (he's 1.5). It will be interesting what happens when we move back in a few months.

Like another PP said, some people just don't want to be THOSE grandparents. I was a little annoyed at first but have gotten over it.

I don't understand why you are annoyed at DH though. That seems like a total overreaction and really unhealthy.