In-Laws rarely visit grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I think so. I am with you...my ILs never come either. I kind of feel bad for my DH though...he feels sad that our kids will know my parents so much better than his.

I don't see why you would resent your DH over this? He can't make his parents be decent grandparents so I don't think you are justified there.

[Anonymous]

Here too. My DH's parents live several states away, have a grandchild in town with them, and call but never, ever visit or want to Skype. So sad, and it really makes me mad, but to be honest, I'd happy my children will have a much better relationship with my side of the family, so I keep quiet!

[Anonymous]

How old are they? My in-laws visit once a year, we do most of the visiting. I think it's because they are in their 70s and my FIL hates traveling far from home.

Has your husband asked why they don't call or visit more?

[Anonymous]

Have you specifically invited them, or are you waiting for them to invite themselves?

"Bill and Nan, we'd like to invite you to visit this fall. Little Larla and Steve would love to see you! We are free the weeks of X and Y. How does that work with your schedule?"

Maybe they don't feel welcome for some reason or think that since your husband works a lot, they'd be interfering on what time your family has together.

Put the invitation out there and if they refuse to come, then you have yourself an issue. One, I add, that your DH should address since they are his parents.

[Anonymous]

OP do they have other grandkids? I have around 15 cousins and my family was the only family out of state. Both sides of grandparents rarely came to visit. Maybe only once a year. My parents took us to visit our grandparents all the time and I feel like I have a close relationship with them.

But yes, my parents tell us constantly that DC is "too cold for them" wtf. I'm sick of celebrating Christmas in FL while sweating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

Why do they need an excuse? Your kids are not their kids, and they've already raised their kids. Clearly they want to do other stuff, so why shouldn't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I be upset? It never bothered me before but it's been almost 11 months since my in-laws have seen their grandkids. They rarely call and maybe skype every 1-2 months with the grandkids. I feel that we are struggling with no family here (my husband works a lot) and it would be nice if they came to visit more often. They do live out of state and have no excuse not to come. They can afford it. They never ever come for the holidays because it's "too cold" for them.

I guess it is really starting to bother me and I am resenting them (and unfortunately a little bit my husband) for it. Am I justified for feeling this way?

This is a curious remark in your rant. What do you mean? And what do you expect of your inlaws when they DO visit?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked about visiting them? I know it's more of a pain than to host, but t's a two-way street.

[Anonymous]

My FIL lives about 15 minutes away from us. DH is the only child; our kids are the only grandchildren. FIL doesn't work and has no hobbies.

FIL has seen the kids 4x since July; each time a drop-in at a school sports event, where he spends most of his time at the snack bar, eating a cheap burger, and then leaving almost immediately thereafter.

We've invited him to other functions and stressed that he should come see the kids anytime, anyplace - no excuse needed. You can't make people do what they don't feel like doing.

[Anonymous]

How often do you visit them?

[Anonymous]

We ask all the time and they just say they "can't". I miss having family holidays together - we just don't do that anymore. It's downright lonely. They have three grandkids all under the age of 6. My parents live out of state too but we see them more often. I can tell when we skype with them that my DC is leary of them since he doesn't see them that often. When they did visit about 11 months ago, my DC had to really warm up to them. They weren't even here that long and when they are here, they drive all around the east coast visiting distant relatives when I think they should be spending time with their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We ask all the time and they just say they "can't". I miss having family holidays together - we just don't do that anymore. It's downright lonely. They have three grandkids all under the age of 6. My parents live out of state too but we see them more often. I can tell when we skype with them that my DC is leary of them since he doesn't see them that often. When they did visit about 11 months ago, my DC had to really warm up to them. They weren't even here that long and when they are here, they drive all around the east coast visiting distant relatives when I think they should be spending time with their grandkids.

LOL!!

[Anonymous]

Many grandparents are elderly and travel is uncomfortable or painful for them. They may not know how to book plane tickets. And yes, it is totally normal for elderly people to be scared of ice and snow.

There is a reason the song says "over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go." Go visit them. And don't expect them to do the physical labor of childcare. They might not feel well enough.

[Anonymous]

We are in a very similar situation. We invite them, but they always find a reason why they don't come. What sucks the most is that they visit my SIL's family, but rarely visit ours.

It hurts my DH more than it does me, so I don't bring it up too much. We just try not to let it bother us too much. We invite when we can, and graciously accept them when they do come, but we have to remember that they are their own people, and that we can't force them to be involved in their grandkids lives. We are very lucky, though, because my parents are extremely involved!