Children after the Divorce
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Everything he says and does is a sign that he isn't interested in the kids so let it go. Where there's a will, there's a way. If he doesn't want to spend time with them, don't force them. I eventually figured out on my own around age 13-14 that my dad was a selfish asshole. I did go to therapy for a while then too which helped me understand that this was his issue, not mine. |
Anonymous
|
Your kids sound angry and hurt (understandably so given their father and your past relationship). I think therapy is always a good idea in these situations. They can talk about their anger towards their dad, anger towards anything really without feeling like they might hurt your feelings. DH had a dad growing up kind of like your ex. His mom got him into therapy and he really credits that as the reason why he was able to let his anger go and grow to have healthy and normal relationships.
|
Anonymous
We did go a few times and they didn't want to go anymore. Should I make them, for their own good? If you knew my kids from the outside, they really are great kids, well adjusted, kind hearted, very smart, honor roll, career oriented. I am really proud of both of them. I have never known anyone that has the empathy of my son, he would give his last dollar if someone needed it and my daughter goes out of her way to rescue animals. Because of her there is a very happy goat living at a farm near by instead of last years Easter dinner. I was told by the therapist that the impact on my daughter will come later. That the very first and most important man in her life that was supposed to teach her love, loyalty, honesty, integrity but instead he taught her betrayal, deceit, abandonment. I won't know what that did to her. She is cautious, it does take her awhile to open up to a few chosen people. I know this all has left me with some trust issues. |
Anonymous
He actually said that if she doesn't want to go then no check those weeks. That is a hard question, there are so many things through out the years that happen that bring these ongoing conversations of how to be a good person, stand up for what you believe and don't let people influence how you feel. Since they were little I told them about that inner feeling that you get when you just know something isn't right and that is your instinct, don't ignore it. I have always tried to teach them to treat people the way they want to be treated, to root for the underdog, because everyone needs to feel that they have someone there for them. I told my son that having a good relationship with his father is what I wanted and everyone deserves and by doing so does not mean he thinks what he did was right and it does not mean he is taking his side. I don't want them to feel that they have to choose sides. My son knows that when he says things like that, that it is his own fault and he put himself in that position. |
Anonymous
DH was also a great kid growing up. It doesn't mean that under the surface things weren't going on. Read what you wrote about how the first and important man in her life taught her betrayal, deceit and abandonment. Just because their dad is a jerk doesn't mean they aren't great kids. But underneath the surface they could be dealing with things. I'd encourage another couple of sessions. I've been to therapy and it takes more than a couple of times to make some ground. I'm not saying your kids aren't great kids, they seem like they are. But you seem also clouded by that fact and don't want to realize they may be having issues that aren't impacting their outside behavior. Picture your daughter going through a string of bad relationships and being in a miserable marriage because of issues with abandonment and all of that. Wouldn't you want to do everything you can do to prevent that? I really think trying therapy again is good for ALL of you. |
Anonymous
| Thank you, I am going to arrange it for them again. |
Anonymous
Are. You my long lost sibling? |
Anonymous
| It's not legal for him to withhold child support because of visitation. |
Anonymous
I know they are two separate issues but that didn't stop him. |
Anonymous
Then you report it to the courts and they garnish his paycheck. Take it out of his hands. |
Anonymous
Ditto. An stop lying, no matter what the motivation. Good luck. |
Anonymous
I garnished years ago for all the back medical bills he hasn't paid, won a judgment and still haven't seen a dime. |
Anonymous
|
We did go a few times and they didn't want to go anymore. Should I make them, for their own good? If you knew my kids from the outside, they really are great kids, well adjusted, kind hearted, very smart, honor roll, career oriented. I am really proud of both of them. I have never known anyone that has the empathy of my son, he would give his last dollar if someone needed it and my daughter goes out of her way to rescue animals. Because of her there is a very happy goat living at a farm near by instead of last years Easter dinner. I was told by the therapist that the impact on my daughter will come later. That the very first and most important man in her life that was supposed to teach her love, loyalty, honesty, integrity but instead [/b]he taught her betrayal[b], deceit, abandonment[b]. I won't know what that did to her. She is cautious, it does take her awhile to open up to a few chosen people. I know this all has left me with some trust issues. Separate note, What about boys? When women cheat, abandon etc. same thing? Do they see every woman like this? |
Anonymous
| Q: why does your daughter know that her dad cheated? |
Anonymous
Because he cheated with her friends mom. Clearly her father didn't give a shit about discretion. |