Reply to Children after the Divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your kids sound angry and hurt (understandably so given their father and your past relationship).  I think therapy is always a good idea in these situations.  They can talk about their anger towards their dad, anger towards anything really without feeling like they might hurt your feelings.  DH had a dad growing up kind of like your ex.  His mom got him into therapy and he really credits that as the reason why he was able to let his anger go and grow to have healthy and normal relationships.

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We did go a few times and they didn't want to go anymore. Should I make them, for their own good? If you knew my kids from the outside, they really are great kids, well adjusted, kind hearted, very smart, honor roll, career oriented. I am really proud of both of them. I have never known anyone that has the empathy of my son, he would give his last dollar if someone needed it and my daughter goes out of her way to rescue animals. Because of her there is a very happy goat living at a farm near by instead of last years Easter dinner. I was told by the therapist that the impact on my daughter will come later. That the very first and most important man in her life that was supposed to teach her love, loyalty, honesty, integrity but instead he taught her betrayal, deceit, abandonment. I won't know what that did to her. She is cautious, it does take her awhile to open up to a few chosen people. I know this all has left me with some trust issues.[/quote]

DH was also a great kid growing up.  It doesn't mean that under the surface things weren't going on.  Read what you wrote about how the first and important man in her life taught her betrayal, deceit and abandonment.  Just because their dad is a jerk doesn't mean they aren't great kids.  But underneath the surface they could be dealing with things.  I'd encourage another couple of sessions.  I've been to therapy and it takes more than a couple of times to make some ground.  I'm not saying your kids aren't great kids, they seem like they are.  But you seem also clouded by that fact and don't want to realize they may be having issues that aren't impacting their outside behavior.  Picture your daughter going through a string of bad relationships and being in a miserable marriage because of issues with abandonment and all of that.  Wouldn't you want to do everything you can do to prevent that?  I really think trying therapy again is good for ALL of you. [/quote]

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