Children after the Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Q: why does your daughter know that her dad cheated?

Because he cheated with her friends mom. Clearly her father didn't give a shit about discretion.

At 8 and 10, your kids didnt need to know the details.

You did this.

Now you want free weekends to hang out with your boyfriend yet your DD won't accommodate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Q: why does your daughter know that her dad cheated?

Because he cheated with her friends mom. Clearly her father didn't give a shit about discretion.

At 8 and 10, your kids didnt need to know the details.

You did this.

Now you want free weekends to hang out with your boyfriend yet your DD won't accommodate you.

First, I DID NOT tell my kids and they do not know the details. The woman lives a few houses away, our children were friends that went to Sunday School together and were in the same class. Second, I don't want free weekends and don't have a boyfriend. I love hanging out with my kids and anyone that knows me, knows that. The question was should I try to get her to spend time with her father and have a relationship with him or just stay out of it and respect her wishes of just not wanting to go with him (most reasons have nothing to do with the cheating). I am always looking to do what is best for my children. Your assumptions and ignorance are unbelievable, the last thing I care about is anyone accommodating me. If anything I would prefer her to be home with me, but it's not about me.

[Anonymous]

In most situations I've seen like this the ex wife is a raging control freak and/or makes things as difficult as possible for the Father so he pulls away rather than the deal. Are you like that?

[Anonymous]

My four year old tells me he doesn't like his Dad. Repeatedly.

Kids are smart and should be allowed to feel the way they feel. I have done NOTHING to push my son towards this opinion. I didn't have to because XH is a resplendent asshole, physically intimidating, and short-tempered.

I provide all the lies a good Mom does, "Daddy's working," etc. I'm there to feed the kids when they come home from their weekly visits crazy late, unfed, and having gone without nap.

When they are older, in their teens, I won't do a thing to pressure them into visiting their father. And, I damn sure won't make weekly calls to ensure that XH gets his pound of flesh and agrees to spend time with the children.

Let go, let flow. I'm over being in charge of everything. My XH is no longer a member of my family. I care for myself and my babies. Part of this is respecting these very young people's assessment of their father and the decision-making that comes from what they experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most situations I've seen like this the ex wife is a raging control freak and/or makes things as difficult as possible for the Father so he pulls away rather than the deal. Are you like that?

Unless, telling him to feed them three meals a day and have some snacks available when they stay with him (my son has a hard time gaining weight and I do get pissed that all my efforts of getting extra calories in him all week are lost when he comes home 2-3 lbs lighter after a weekend with his father) and also expect him to bring them back on time or at the least to let me know if they are going to be late. If that is controlling, then I guess I am. Those are the only issues where I say something. But it's ignored anyway.