Forgetful SAHM

[Anonymous]

Yeah. My sister in law was exactly like this. She tried to kill herself after a serious breakdown. After hospitalization, she went into therapy, left her husband, went back to work. She is doing much better now.

OP, I would be careful about this and really look into what is going on. This likely isn't laziness; it sounds like a serious physical or mental issue that needs to be addressed quickly.

[Anonymous]

She is either depressed or abusing some substance. Insist she get help. I'd start with a good therapist. But here's the thing: you will have to make the appointment for her and take her to it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Your wife sounds like me. I am lazy and tired and unmotivated and uninterested in being productive. I don't know if it is depression or just inability to retain thigs and take action. My life feels hard and overwhelming even thought I'm a stay home mom that does nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife sounds like me. I am lazy and tired and unmotivated and uninterested in being productive. I don't know if it is depression or just inability to retain thigs and take action. My life feels hard and overwhelming even thought I'm a stay home mom that does nothing.

That is me too. I feel so useless.

[Anonymous]

Of course you are not being too harsh OP.

You have every right to feel the way you do. It seems like not only are you in charge of bringing home the bacon, but you are also expected to fry it up every night and clean the skillet too.

I strongly suspect your wife is suffering from depression. Your statement that she seems, "Checked out of life" is pretty clear that is what she is dealing w/.

I advise you to encourage her to see an M.D., get evaluated and hopefully start on medication and/or therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP, your wife does sound like she's got something going on, depression or substance abuse. A few questions though. How old are your kids? I have visions of you expecting her to take a tenth grader to the park especially when you mention your son's camping trip. What exactly would you like her to do after school with the kids? It will get dark early soon. As for the camping trip, why did you pack your son's gear and not mention the towel? If I saw a packed suitcase, I'd assume that it was well, packed unless I was told otherwise. I shouldn't be expected to guess what may or may not be in there. And, why can't your son pack if he is old enough to go on the trip? Lastly, as for dinner, do you come home on time? Your wife ofers to cook for you. Why would she make you a plate when you aren't home? It does sound like you do have some real issues. Your examples are piss poor though and it is difficult to sort out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife sounds like me. I am lazy and tired and unmotivated and uninterested in being productive. I don't know if it is depression or just inability to retain thigs and take action. My life feels hard and overwhelming even thought I'm a stay home mom that does nothing.

That is me too. I feel so useless.

It happens with us WOHMs as well. I have a well developed external structure because I get depressed and mired down in "what to do next." My calendar tells me what to do next. I may not do it well, I may forget some elements of it (forgot the water bottle at home but got the kid to hockey), but the external structure forces me into some level of functionality. Without it, I am completely overwhelmed and see little possibility of figuring out how to get out of it.

Get your wife to the doctor. Start by ruling out physical medical problems and move on to psychiatric. Has she always been this way? Is this a change in behavior?

If your child is old enough to go camping without a parent, the child is old enough to be involved in packing the gear. Should be involved in packing the gear, because otherwise how will he know what is where when he gets to the campsite? Yes, parents should help him remember everything, but he should have a packing list & he should be doing it.

Talk with your wife about what might help her. Would a well constructed calendar help? A careful schedule with things like eating and exercise as an explicit part of it? Active support from you (a phone call at lunch checking in and reminding her to go for a walk after lunch, etc)?

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If this is a new thing, she needs to see a doctor. Could be hormone issues or depression. How old is she? Age of youngest child?

[Anonymous]

The only thing that sounds normal here is the weekend situation. I SAH, and love when dh takes our son out on the weekends. I've been with ds all day every day, so I like a little alone time. And also I think it's good for dh and ds to have their time together.

Otherwise, I agree that your dw is depressed; or addicted to pain pills or alcohol. Or both. I say this because your description fits my friend to a T. And as it turns out, she admitted to being depressed and abusing pain meds.