Forgetful SAHM

[Anonymous]

So my wife stays at home to "raise the kids". I have a FT job that demands long hours and some travel. My wife, though she has the option to work PT, chooses to stay at home. On her days home I'll often get the kids up, feed them breakfast and drop them off at school. She may pack there lunch for them, but hardly does. She also rarely gets them off to school. I go to work and when I come home late in the day she'll often ask what I want for dinner. The kids will usually be eating pasta, Mac and cheese or chicken nuggets. Many times the kids come home from school and complain that their mom is napping. My wife will often forget to drop of meds, doctors appointments, permission slips, homework assignments. Most recently she chose not to buy gear for our son's camping trip because it was raining outside. So I had to buy them for him after I got off of work. I stayed up packing my son's gear. The day of his trip my wife forgot to make sure hit towel was packed. In addition she forgot to pack his dinner. On weekdays and weekends my wife will never go out with the kids - take them to the park or go for a walk. She says she has "too much to do". I usually cram my weekends in with as much time with the kids - one because I enjoy and two because I want them to have fun.

In the entire scheme of things this is all trivial stuff. At the same time I can't help but feel like I've married someone who is checked out on life and - in the process - hurting our children. Am I being too harsh?

[Anonymous]

It is completely understandable that your would feel resentful that your wife is not contributing fairly to your family. From what you say, though, it sounds like she could be depressed. Does she participate in any activities she enjoys? Is she otherwise happy?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she does most of the work and just expects you to do some stuff, which is fair. She is with them all week so wants a break on the wknds.

If you packed your sons gear, why did t you include the towel? Why are you blaming her for the fact the towel wasnt included? Do you ever cook the kids dinner, since you sound quick to scorn her meal choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she does most of the work and just expects you to do some stuff, which is fair. She is with them all week so wants a break on the wknds.

If you packed your sons gear, why did t you include the towel? Why are you blaming her for the fact the towel wasnt included? Do you ever cook the kids dinner, since you sound quick to scorn her meal choices?

This is unfair to the OP (imo.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is completely understandable that your would feel resentful that your wife is not contributing fairly to your family. From what you say, though, it sounds like she could be depressed. Does she participate in any activities she enjoys? Is she otherwise happy?

This is what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

She's either depressed or secretly drinking alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP she sounds a lazy hot mess. You did not pick a winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP she sounds a lazy hot mess. You did not pick a winner.

+1000

[Anonymous]

OP -How's the sex?

[Anonymous]

This is not about being a SAHM. She is either depressed or abusing some substance. You need to have a serious talk with her that doesn't to start with your anger that she isn't doing something but rather with concern.

[Anonymous]

Has she always been like this? She sounds depressed?

And how old is your son that he's old enough to go camping but not old enough to pack his own towel?

[Anonymous]

She sounds depressed. Has she had a checkup recently?

[Anonymous]

Hey, this was my mother! My father would make sure we were awake for school before he left for work. We'd leave in the mornings and lock the door behind us. When we'd get home, our mom would be sleeping and leave us a note saying what time to wake her (before our dad got home) and what chores to do (empty dishwasher, walk dog, empty garbages, set the table, make broccoli, rice, etc.) and then she'd get up 10 or so minutes before he got home. She wasn't fooling anyone.

It took until I was in high school to realize she must be depressed. The only difference between her and OP's wife is that we all ate the same dinner.

OP, the good thing about this is that because you're so involved, if you have sons they will grow up thinking it's normal to be a highly-involved, non-lazy husband/father, and if you have daughters they will grow up to seek out a husband (if they're straight) who is highly involved.

My mother has denied being depressed, has never gotten help, and since my siblings and I were in college we've been encouraging our dad to divorce her. To this day he works and is out of the house for 11 hours each day only to come home and start laundry, cook and clean up from dinner, and do whatever else needs doing. He spends his entire weekends cleaning the house, doing errands, fixing things, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised you titled this thread "forgetful SAHM". From your description, she is more than forgetful; she is not pulling her weight at all. Why are you staying with her? Are there any good things about her?

[Anonymous]

Depression. I'd be really concerned about her, and as a result your family. Does she have a mom or sister or best friend she is close to? Maybe you could sound them out about your concerns. I wonder, like PP, if she was always like this or if she became like this after you had kid(s).