Already feel like I am a single mom. Why shouldn't I leave?

[Anonymous]

OP here. DH is sweet, funny, kind, warm, cuddly, and we have a very similar lifestyle. I don't think I'd ever be this comfortable to be myself with anyone else.

After he cheated, we separated. He moved in with the woman he cheated on me with. After our daughter was born, he was remorseful and sought therapy. He didn't just say all of the right things, but he has done nothing to make me feel like he's cheated or is any way wayward since. He was very devoted and super present for the first 6-7 months.

Since I take care of DD 99% of the time I"m not in work, I don't think I can seek therapy right now, though I would love to. She doesn't take to other people at all, so I've yet to be able to hire a babysitter. Therapy for me has to wait a bit longer. But, that does even more damage to my marriage.

I try to communicate what I need, but I have to keep going back to those things and being more specific. And, that becomes nagging. And, that's a sure-fire way to end up out of a marriage, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will only parent your child half the time for the next 18 years. You won't get to make all the decisions anymore nor will you get to go to all the cute events and all the fun stuff you want bc your child will be with her dad that weekend. You will spend weekends alone - no child, no husband - while friends are busy doing family activities. You will be trying to date to ease your loneliness and your friends won't care about that bc they are busy all the time with their kids and husband, etc.

So make friends with people who don't have kids

[Anonymous]

You are obviously still pissed about the cheating and rightfully so. Do you mean he moved out while you were pregnant?

If he's really that great and you love him that much, then you need to just forget about the cheating and move on. I personally would dump this @asshole as I don't think I can pass that kind of betrayal and disrespect.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

What does he do with dd? Does he play, change diapers, etc? Just curious, maybe comparing will give some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is sweet, funny, kind, warm, cuddly, and we have a very similar lifestyle. I don't think I'd ever be this comfortable to be myself with anyone else.

After he cheated, we separated. He moved in with the woman he cheated on me with. After our daughter was born, he was remorseful and sought therapy. He didn't just say all of the right things, but he has done nothing to make me feel like he's cheated or is any way wayward since. He was very devoted and super present for the first 6-7 months.

Since I take care of DD 99% of the time I"m not in work, I don't think I can seek therapy right now, though I would love to. She doesn't take to other people at all, so I've yet to be able to hire a babysitter. Therapy for me has to wait a bit longer. But, that does even more damage to my marriage.

I try to communicate what I need, but I have to keep going back to those things and being more specific. And, that becomes nagging. And, that's a sure-fire way to end up out of a marriage, too.

Kind? A kind man would not 1) cheat on his family, and then follow that up by 2) moving in with his mistress. Time to take off the blinders, OP. Also, just out of curiosity, how old are you? I only ask because, "I don't think I'd ever be this comfortable to be myself with anyone else" sounds like something I would have said in my early 20's, or in one of my first real relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is sweet, funny, kind, warm, cuddly, and we have a very similar lifestyle. I don't think I'd ever be this comfortable to be myself with anyone else.

After he cheated, we separated. He moved in with the woman he cheated on me with. After our daughter was born, he was remorseful and sought therapy. He didn't just say all of the right things, but he has done nothing to make me feel like he's cheated or is any way wayward since. He was very devoted and super present for the first 6-7 months.

Since I take care of DD 99% of the time I"m not in work, I don't think I can seek therapy right now, though I would love to. She doesn't take to other people at all, so I've yet to be able to hire a babysitter. Therapy for me has to wait a bit longer. But, that does even more damage to my marriage.

I try to communicate what I need, but I have to keep going back to those things and being more specific. And, that becomes nagging. And, that's a sure-fire way to end up out of a marriage, too.

don't worry, when you separate, your DD will be forced to be without you every other weekend and then you will have plenty of time to seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Marital therapy. Stat.

[Anonymous]

He is not a "great guy." I am so tired of hearing women on this forum describing their men as "great guys" while at the same time telling us how they cheat, lie, drink, do drugs, complain, etc. I wonder what universe they are living in.

How is your husband great OP? Not to be judgmental or anything but he cheated on you, he doesn't help out around the house AND he isn't very hands on w/caring for his daughter. If this is a great guy, then I am not living in your world.

Since you are basically living a single mother's existence, why not make it official and leave this loser? What are you gaining by living w/him? Is he a stallion in bed? Is he a top~notch chef who cooks five course dinners every night? If not, then I would walk away.

Staying w/this rat is only going to prevent you from meeting a true gem...one you really deserve to have in your life.

You already have one asshole OP.
Do you really need another one?

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom that posted earlier and I did 99% plus got the sh&t beat out of me emotionally and physically. It's way easier to be a single Mom. I actually take care of myself.

Once you leave and get therapy you'll see how twisted your POV has become. You HAVE to tell yourself he's great because why else would you take the punishment and embarrassment. My abuser was so romantic and yet years later putting bruises all over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not a "great guy." I am so tired of hearing women on this forum describing their men as "great guys" while at the same time telling us how they cheat, lie, drink, do drugs, complain, etc. I wonder what universe they are living in.

How is your husband great OP? Not to be judgmental or anything but he cheated on you, he doesn't help out around the house AND he isn't very hands on w/caring for his daughter. If this is a great guy, then I am not living in your world.

Since you are basically living a single mother's existence, why not make it official and leave this loser? What are you gaining by living w/him? Is he a stallion in bed? Is he a top~notch chef who cooks five course dinners every night? If not, then I would walk away.

Staying w/this rat is only going to prevent you from meeting a true gem...one you really deserve to have in your life.

You already have one asshole OP.
Do you really need another one?

I agree with, this, but I think it's best not to exaggerate the odds of a single mother meting a "true gem",especially one who will be an equal parent to her kid.

[Anonymous]

So he helped for the first 6 months and isn't around any more now? Sounds like he may have started up the affair again.

[Anonymous]

Why do women praise a man while in the same breath show that he's not so great. I'm sure he had nice qualities in the beginning but most guys do until you get to know them and then end up marrying them. It is hard to leave, but after my DH and I slept in separate bedrooms for three years I told him to bounce. We have a 7 year old son and we share his expenses, but I have to cover the household bills on my own. I knew this day was coming so I made sure I found a job which paid more before I made that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is sweet, funny, kind, warm, cuddly, and we have a very similar lifestyle. I don't think I'd ever be this comfortable to be myself with anyone else.

After he cheated, we separated. He moved in with the woman he cheated on me with. After our daughter was born, he was remorseful and sought therapy. He didn't just say all of the right things, but he has done nothing to make me feel like he's cheated or is any way wayward since. He was very devoted and super present for the first 6-7 months.

Since I take care of DD 99% of the time I"m not in work, I don't think I can seek therapy right now, though I would love to. She doesn't take to other people at all, so I've yet to be able to hire a babysitter. Therapy for me has to wait a bit longer. But, that does even more damage to my marriage.

I try to communicate what I need, but I have to keep going back to those things and being more specific. And, that becomes nagging. And, that's a sure-fire way to end up out of a marriage, too.

don't worry, when you separate, your DD will be forced to be without you every other weekend and then you will have plenty of time to seek therapy.

You worded that poorly. The good news for your DD, OP, is that if you separate, she still gets to spend half of her time with her father. That's also good news for you since you complain now of being 99% of the caregiver. So, one reason to leave is to get more time to yourself, since your DH will have equal custody. That's pretty good, right?

[Anonymous]

Wow. So you spent your pregnancy alone. That says a lot about his character that he was living with his mistress while you we're carrying his child. I wonder if you are holding on for fear that he will go back if you leave.

[Anonymous]

Leave now, while your daughter is still a baby. Then she will not be as hurt by the divorce. Do a custody plan where, until she is three, she lives with you, but he comes by and picks her up for huge amounts of time (ten hours on Saturdays and Sundays etc). Then decide that once she is three or four he gets physical custody at least eight nights a month. He will be forced to take care of her then and younwill have a breather.