What would you do? Other kid on team keeps hitting mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.

This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way.

You are speaking as if telling a teacher solves things, but if you read the op, her son DID that and it didn't help. Your post doesn't address what the victim is supposed to do after following your steps when they don't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what boys have done forever. You just saw it close-up because activities are now so structured.

Chill out and stop thinking you can control your kid's every move.

It's not abou controlling his every move, though. It's about being consistent about imparting family values.

"In our family we are doormats who look to other people to protect us."

Sounds great.

A six year old still deserves having adults protect him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.

This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way.

You are speaking as if telling a teacher solves things, but if you read the op, her son DID that and it didn't help. Your post doesn't address what the victim is supposed to do after following your steps when they don't work.

Point taken. This was a real fail on the part of the coach, who should have stepped up once it was clear this was going on. I still wouldn't give the kid a high 5 for hitting back. He can always walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.

This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way.

Sports are 100% different than school...it is a prison mentality. Many coaches will not stop kids from being aggressive assholes even when it is happening right in front of their face. The only way to deal with a kid like that is for your kid to hit him right back. It is very effective.

[Anonymous]

Next time he should make sure no one's watching.

[Anonymous]

I understand your mixed emotions, I've got them as well. My kids are some of those most likely to be bullied because they have SNs/LDs. My oldest would definitely be intimidated by the bully's behavior and be more likely to give up sports rather than push back against the bully. My youngest would definitely stand up to the behavior and if he was touched by the other kid would slug him. So, I need to find a happy medium.

I definitely agree with the comment a PP made about the bully's behavior is due to a lack of supervision. The coach, understandably, can't keep his eye on each and every kid. If the bully's mother isn't there to keep an eye on things, I have no problem (whether it's my kid being targeted or not) calling a kid out for bad behavior. I would hope any other parent would do the same thing whether my kid is the aggressor or target.

[Anonymous]

I'm not one to condone picking a fight but I think your kid was right. There was a problem, the adult was told to be alert to it, adult failed, next steps need to be taken to protect your child and in this case fighting back was appropriate.

I would tell the coach the same. "I told you about the harassment Tim was getting, you did not see it/did not intervene, I refuse to have Tim be a punching bag so yes, his last resort is to hit back. I'm sorry he had to defend himself but I'm also telling you he'll do it again to protect himself unless you do it for him."

[Anonymous]

Your son did the right thing. I've been a coach and we can't see everything 15 kids are doing kwim..

[Anonymous]

The other kid is probably very experienced about hitting when no one is looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son did the right thing. I've been a coach and we can't see everything 15 kids are doing kwim..

If you cannot supervise that many kids, you should not be a coach or at least coaching alone (though I do think the kid was right).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.

This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way.

You are speaking as if telling a teacher solves things, but if you read the op, her son DID that and it didn't help. Your post doesn't address what the victim is supposed to do after following your steps when they don't work.

Point taken. This was a real fail on the part of the coach, who should have stepped up once it was clear this was going on. I still wouldn't give the kid a high 5 for hitting back. He can always walk away.

Let's see. The coach failed to protect him. You failed to protect him and as a result he protected himself and as a result, you are upset with his behavior. Hell, doormats get more respect at my house...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.

This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way.

You are speaking as if telling a teacher solves things, but if you read the op, her son DID that and it didn't help. Your post doesn't address what the victim is supposed to do after following your steps when they don't work.

Point taken. This was a real fail on the part of the coach, who should have stepped up once it was clear this was going on. I still wouldn't give the kid a high 5 for hitting back. He can always walk away.

Let's see. The coach failed to protect him. You failed to protect him and as a result he protected himself and as a result, you are upset with his behavior. Hell, doormats get more respect at my house...

OP here. It sounds like you are addressing me, but I'm none of the posters quoted above. If you are talking to me....I never said I was upset with my son. I'm sad he had to resort to violence, which is against our family values. There is nothing ideal about how any of this played out, and I was trying to get some insight on how I could have handled it better. This may have been the first time it happened. I'm sure it won't be the last.

FWIW, I do agree the coach was the first adult responsible, since he was close by and the adult in charge. I was about 40 years away. And I did start going over there to break it up, but my son hit the other kid first, and then the coach got involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. It sounds like you are addressing me, but I'm none of the posters quoted above. If you are talking to me....I never said I was upset with my son. I'm sad he had to resort to violence, which is against our family values. There is nothing ideal about how any of this played out, and I was trying to get some insight on how I could have handled it better. This may have been the first time it happened. I'm sure it won't be the last.

FWIW, I do agree the coach was the first adult responsible, since he was close by and the adult in charge. I was about 40 years away. And I did start going over there to break it up, but my son hit the other kid first, and then the coach got involved.

Seems reasonable to me. Bottom line to me is that a person always has the right to defend his or herself particularly if they are clearly being bullied.

Learning the best ways to do do so and the associated consequences are both open questions that I would like more insight on as well.

With my son's soccer team anyway, the coaches place a great deal of emphasis on good sportmanship. I do not think that bullying of any sort would be tolerated at all unless the kid or kids are really good at hiding it.

[Anonymous]

Tape the classes/games.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, high five to your son. He tried everything else, nothing worked, so he slugged the kid. Now the kid should leave him alone.

I'm all for non violent attempts to stop bullies - but if that doesn't work, hit back. We don't have to be a doormat.