What would you do? Other kid on team keeps hitting mine.
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Anonymous
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My 6 yo son just started soccer. For the first two classes, one kid would pick on him, doing things like throwing the ball hard at his face or shoving him down. The coach never sees it. He's got about 14 kids running around doing different stuff. It really upset my son. I told him to tell the kid to stop, or tell the coach. And to whatever extent possible, just keep his distance. He told the kid to stop, but the boy didn't.
After the second practice, I talked tithe coach and told him what was going on. I just asked him if he could keep an eye on aggression outside the game rules. But he still didn't do anything. They were all sitting by the goal talking for some reason and this boy just kicked my kid in the face (coach didn't see). (FWIW, the kids mother drops him off for practice and goes running). So when I saw this, I was about to walk all the way across the field and tell the kid to stop. But my son suddenly hauled off and tackled to kid and started hitting. The coach saw THAT and yelled at my kid. Done. That boy stopped bothering my son. But I feel mixed emotions about what happened. I'm glad that kid stopped bothering mine, but hate it had to be stopped by my son hitting. I talked to my son afterward, but I gave confusing messages, I'm sure. What would you have done? How could I have handled this situation better? |
Anonymous
| I think you did great and I would have been ok with my son doing that after he told the coach and child to stop. At some point, he has the right to protect himself. I would have told the coach that the other child hit yours first and it was his lack of supervisor that cause the issue. I would talk to your son about the mixed message. Tell him that you are ok with what he did as he was attacked but you are no tok with him hitting girls or throwing the first punch. After he tries reasonably to remedy the situation like talking to the child or coach, then what he did was ok under extreme situations, like this one. |
Anonymous
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I have mixed feelings OP. On the one hand, i do agree that at some point, your child has a right to protect himself. On the other hand, I don't really want to encourage my kid to tackle and hit another kid after only 2 practices of this kid bothering him.
However, I disagree with PP. If you are going to teach your child that it is okay to retaliate against someone who is physically hurting you, it shouldn't matter whether that attacker is a girl or a boy. If it was a girl hitting and kicking your son in the face, he still has a right to defend himself. |
Anonymous
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This is what boys have done forever. You just saw it close-up because activities are now so structured.
Chill out and stop thinking you can control your kid's every move. |
Anonymous
It's not abou controlling his every move, though. It's about being consistent about imparting family values. |
Anonymous
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Good for your son!
Seriously. You did what you could to counsel pacifism, but honestly there are some bullies who need to be stood up to before they'll knock it off. Too bad the coach didn't do more to coach the kids on being good teammates. |
Anonymous
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Honest question and I'm sorry if this is stupid. my son isn't old enough for this to be a concern of mine yet..but I'm a worry wart who thinks about the future.
I want to teach him that he should stand up for himself in certain situations...BUT, if this situation occurred in school, would he be suspended or expelled for hitting another child? Even if he is defending himself against someone who is physically bullying them? |
Anonymous
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I explain to my child that the person who retaliates is often the person who gets caught and gets in trouble. Thus, it is important that if DC chooses to retaliate, DC does so deliberately. I prefer my child move, request help, or firmly assert boundaries (including yelling "STOP HITTING ME!" should quieter boundary-setting not work). I have told my child that when encountering a persistent trouble-maker, positioning one's self near an adult can be helpful.
Additionally, advocating for herself and letting the adult-in-charge know that another child isn't behaving was a good tool for laying the ground work so that if she did eventually retaliate in some way, the adult-in-charge was more likely to know it was retaliation and not unprovoked assault. |
Anonymous
| Good for your son. The kid needed a good slugging. |
Anonymous
"In our family we are doormats who look to other people to protect us." Sounds great. |
Anonymous
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Just like in sports the referee always catches the second guy.
I bet the bully doesn't do it again. |
Anonymous
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I hope you let the coach know that. Your. Oh did that in retaliation to the constant aggression by the other boy he never seemed to see.
I would have no problem if my kids handled things the wway your son did. I would just tell them tobe very careful of the other kids head. |
Anonymous
| Don't condone violence but unfortunately, stupid people need to learn things the hard way. If they don't get a good ass kicking, they bully the victim because they think it's a sign of weakness. |
Anonymous
| I would have bought my kid a prize for standing up for himself. You tried talking to the coach, your son told the kid to stop and the other kid didn't. Watch at the next practice, the bully will move on and be physically aggressive toward some other kid. |
Anonymous
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I disagree. I would have given my child a talking to for slugging the other kid. At school they learn the appropriate steps for dealing with a bully, and hitting back is not one of them. At our school anyway, they are supposed to first firmly tell them to stop, then move away from the bully, then tell a teacher.
This is not a dark alley where someone is threatening their life and they have to fight back -- this is a soccer field. They need to learn to deal with frustration and anger and bullies in a more productive way. |