if you SAH, how do you plan for DH leaving, dying, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought about that until I moved here and heard women's opinions on sahms. I find it a non-issue. If we got a divorce I'd take half and child support. I work in a field where I could pick up where I left off with no problem.

What? Not if he had a good lawyer, idiot. Half of what?? Maybe half of what was earned during the marriage and half of savings, etc.? But why on earth do you think you could "live" on child support after? And how on earth do you "know" you could pick up right where you left off?

[Anonymous]

I know a woman, half of a professional power couple, who just got divorced. Husband left her for a younger woman, they had two young kids. Both ivy educated and seemed so in love, together for a long time. Total shock. She will be fine, but it will impact things like school, etc. I was wondering how on earth SAH women sleep. Seriously, I am not saying that to be mean, but you are not immune. Have a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought about that until I moved here and heard women's opinions on sahms. I find it a non-issue. If we got a divorce I'd take half and child support. I work in a field where I could pick up where I left off with no problem.

What? Not if he had a good lawyer, idiot. Half of what?? Maybe half of what was earned during the marriage and half of savings, etc.? But why on earth do you think you could "live" on child support after? And how on earth do you "know" you could pick up right where you left off?

So DCUM: the thread was not about evaluating people's plans. It was asking what the plan was. The PP may not have sound plans, but your comprehension also falls into the idiot category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought about that until I moved here and heard women's opinions on sahms. I find it a non-issue. If we got a divorce I'd take half and child support. I work in a field where I could pick up where I left off with no problem.

What? Not if he had a good lawyer, idiot. Half of what?? Maybe half of what was earned during the marriage and half of savings, etc.? But why on earth do you think you could "live" on child support after? And how on earth do you "know" you could pick up right where you left off?

So DCUM: the thread was not about evaluating people's plans. It was asking what the plan was. The PP may not have sound plans, but your comprehension also falls into the idiot category.

[Anonymous]

An idiotic, hopeless plan is not a plan. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

your plan: find a way to save money, earn money somehow, and invest it. Have your own money/emergency fund. Talk to your parents about their estate planning if they're still alive - inheritance doesn't get split up in divorce (or at least didn't in my MIL's case).

Otherwise, I couldn't stay home. If you have a good nest egg from your time working, you might be OK if you just let it grow. But you have to ask yourself if you're comfortable with how much it is if you never earn more and want to retire. social security will give you a benefits explanation as well.

[Anonymous]

OP -- I struggle with this one too. I WOH heavy-PT, for this very reason. IF I SAH (which I want to do), we could get by, but it would be a little tough. We have good life insurance, and I'm not too worried about divorce (knock wood) but I think about what if DH had some kind of medical problem that kept him from working. Or if he just got laid off. Or if one of our kids has an unexpected medical problem, or even just learning or social issues that made our very good public school not the best option for her. Health insurance only goes so far. I don't want to feel trapped and not able to provide the "extras" (therapy, tutoring, private school tuition) that might be warranted.
But I also don't want to lose out on the time with the kids just because of a bunch of maybes. Anyway, I have kept working, but I'm on the fence.

[Anonymous]

I get the question, but if we were both working to support a 2 income lifestyle we would have major adjusting and downsizing to do if one of us became ill and unable to work (multiple sclerosis, ALS, major trauma from car accident, etc). We would have to live on less and make major adjustments. Same as if something happened to my husband while I SAH. Live on much less, make major adjustments. Bottom line for me: it is 100% that if I work I will get to see my kids only a couple hours a day. The odds of sudden death, disability or divorce are far less (I'm sure someone will know the stats on here!) . I'm not going to trade a known for an unknown

[Anonymous]

Do WOHMs have a plan? So many state that they need the two incomes in the DC area. What would YOU do with just your one income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought about that until I moved here and heard women's opinions on sahms. I find it a non-issue. If we got a divorce I'd take half and child support. I work in a field where I could pick up where I left off with no problem.

What? Not if he had a good lawyer, idiot. Half of what?? Maybe half of what was earned during the marriage and half of savings, etc.? But why on earth do you think you could "live" on child support after? And how on earth do you "know" you could pick up right where you left off?

NP here. What exactly is wrong with this plan? Getting half that was earned by me and my husband during the marriage plus half of savings, half the house, etc. is quite a bit of money. Definitely enough to provide a cushion while I find a new job and to cover the difference should I get (as I likely would) a job that is less time intensive and this highly compensated than my last job (which for the record is the type of job I would get now if I decided not to stay at home while married). Plus child support would cover much of the expenses of the children.

What other sources of money are you talking about that a "good lawyer" would protect? We met as students...we each brought a couch into the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life insurance is a good idea.

As far as divorce...I don't plan for it. Seriously. The way we make our marriage work is that we are both in it 100%, no contingency plans. And I wouldn't stay home if I wasn't sure about that.

This is me as well. We have life insurance. And my DH has excellent health and disability benefits through his work.

We don't plan for divorce. I'm also not planning for a smallpox outbreak, zombie invasion, or apocalypse. We've been together 30 years, married for 26. People who make marriages work don't plan for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the question, but if we were both working to support a 2 income lifestyle we would have major adjusting and downsizing to do if one of us became ill and unable to work (multiple sclerosis, ALS, major trauma from car accident, etc). We would have to live on less and make major adjustments. Same as if something happened to my husband while I SAH. Live on much less, make major adjustments. Bottom line for me: it is 100% that if I work I will get to see my kids only a couple hours a day. The odds of sudden death, disability or divorce are far less (I'm sure someone will know the stats on here!) . I'm not going to trade a known for an unknown

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do WOHMs have a plan? So many state that they need the two incomes in the DC area. What would YOU do with just your one income?

This is 14:38 - this is exactly my point on the job. If I got one now it would still be a lower paying, less time intensive and stressful one so that we could actually have a functioning family (two parents in big law didn't work out). So how would this be different if I had that job now or just got it later if I divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do WOHMs have a plan? So many state that they need the two incomes in the DC area. What would YOU do with just your one income?

This is a silly, defensive and disingenuous question, but I will bite. Yes, most do. That is why they work, in part, because they are aware of what would happen if they lost thier husband's income. Through their employer, most will have gap insurance for the death of a spouse. Also, because they have been working, most WOHM would be able to keep their job, which they would need even more if they lost their husband or got divorced. If it was the WOHM who lost her job, most will be able to collect unemployment, and will, of course, be looking for and be able to find another job. The point is, there are much lower risks when both spouses are working. If one loses a job, you adjust and live off the remaining income. When only one spouse is working its obviously going to be a larger impact if that spouse dies or loses his or her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do WOHMs have a plan? So many state that they need the two incomes in the DC area. What would YOU do with just your one income?

This is 14:38 - this is exactly my point on the job. If I got one now it would still be a lower paying, less time intensive and stressful one so that we could actually have a functioning family (two parents in big law didn't work out). So how would this be different if I had that job now or just got it later if I divorced?

Well, 14:38, I hate to break it to you, but no, you can't pick right back up where you left off in big law, unless you are a graudate from a top five school and clerked for a prestiguous court. Even then, there is a long line of candidates ahead of you.