My husband has never been on time for a thing in his life

[Anonymous]

To the OP, you deserve this treatment since you are making excuses for him. After the first few times, he knows exactly what he is doing! Hello, this economy sucks, and whose to say your employer won't get fed up with your tardiness? There is no way he should continue to be late when it is affecting your lunch time. I would leave his ass, take he r and he could figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should just leave and let him figure out how to get to work on his own. This is ridiculous. I have issues with lateness myself but c'mon, you need to get to work on time!

Agree. I would give him a grace time of 5 minutes and then you and DD take the car and go to work. He can take the metro as close to his work as he can get and then catch a cab. Stop being his mother with the reminding and nagging. If you say you need to leave by 8:15, at 8:15 you can just say that you'll be leaving in 5 minutes. Then leave a 8:20. If he wants to futz around in the morning and can still be ready by 8:15 that's his choice. If he's not ready at 8:20, that's his problem.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. I am married to one that says that he'll be late to his own funeral! I got so sick of it... He was never on time for dinner, to pick me up when promised, to even give me call when late, etc. When we had kids, we couldn't leave the house to do fun thing until after 2-3 pm screwing up kids naps because they would fall asleep in car.

I think it all comes down to lack of respect and consideration to others and to the spouse. Needless to say, we are in the process of separation/divorce. The main reason is not his lateness for everything but others as well, including lack of respect and consideration.

I do feel for you... Hope things get better.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're making way too many excuses for this guy. I have higher expectations for my 14yo. It's not your responsibility to wait around for him - it's your responsibility to get you and DD out the door on time. If he can't get it together, that's his problem. This would drive me NUTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with late DH here. Have you thought about the old trick of lying about the time? Say that your boss changed your hours and now you need to leave the house at 7:30.

In the situation above, after he said he would be ready, then I would say "I really need to leave at 8 so if you aren't down here with shoes on at 8 then DD and I are out the door." then do it.

Your second suggestion is more or less what I usually do. The problem is that if DD and I take metro, we actually need about 15 minutes more than we do if we all drive together (one car, he parks at his office). So this morning, it was me saying at 7:45, "Hey, are you sure you'll be ready to go at 8? If not, DD and I will just leave now and take the train" and then me saying, at 8, "Hey, it's 8. I need to go now. Can you step up the pace please?"

It's not just mornings, either. Last year, we almost missed an afternoon flight because he futzed around getting his stuff together while DD and I waited, coats on, to go upstairs and get in the cab to the airport. We were literally the last people to get on the flight.

I don't think he does it intentionally. I think he just genuinely has no idea how long mundane tasks like shaving and putting on shoes actually take. He's also not a person who is really ever inclined to be in a hurry and has essentially structured his life such that he doesn't really have to be anywhere "on time". He can get to work pretty much any time, as long as it's before 10. He makes plans with friends that involve playing things by ear and getting together "around such and such time".

It just makes me really sad that the person I married cannot alter his routine to accommodate mine, and I have no idea how to talk to him about it without him getting defensive and blamey about it.

Control those things that you can. For instance quit planning on him being ready at 8 and just do what you need to. Now I have no idea how you fix this overall (I do but it requires him to do it not you) but you need to avoid putting yourself and your DD in a situation where he being late throws off your day and creates stress.

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this too. It is a CONSTANT issue to get him into bed (I go in at 10:30 and he won't come in until midnight). I'm debating moving into the guest room so I can get some sleep and not feel like a zombie. I have no idea why he has to spend so much time on mundane tasks like reading the newspaper, washing his teeth, etc etc.

I have tried everything and am feeling like a nag instead of a loving wife. He isn't a lazy man either, he's the most hardworking man I know. Just sooo effing slow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this too. It is a CONSTANT issue to get him into bed (I go in at 10:30 and he won't come in until midnight). I'm debating moving into the guest room so I can get some sleep and not feel like a zombie. I have no idea why he has to spend so much time on mundane tasks like reading the newspaper, washing his teeth, etc etc.

I have tried everything and am feeling like a nag instead of a loving wife. He isn't a lazy man either, he's the most hardworking man I know. Just sooo effing slow!

Huh? This is unrelated to the op's issue. Going to bed at midnight is totally normal. I haven't gone to bed at 10.30 pm on a regular basis since middle school.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a reformed procrastinator/serial late-arriver I can tell you from experience that nothing but consequences will change your husband's behavior. Psychology Today did a great article about this...essentially there's no real value in him changing his behavior because there's no adverse result. Yes you guys fight, and that's probably unpleasant, but he still gets a ride, catches the flight, etc. I can tell you the only thing that changed my behavior was having a baby. I just couldn't cut corners anymore with scheduling, commutes, etc., and I actually had to take a good hard look at my behavior and realize how dysfunctional it was. Now, I pay a lot of attention to how long it takes me to get us out the door...a long time! Way more than I'd budget if someone asked me to verbalize it in the abstract. Without baby, I'd still be that person running through the airport in her stocking feet trying to catch the flight.

He will resist the change, because this pushes him out of his comfort zone. And yes, it will involve leaving him at home because he doesn't expect you to make good on the threat of leaving without him. But it will shift the situation, which is what you need. Fwiw I am so much happier not rushing around in life anymore. Who knew having time to sit and have a pre-flight cup of coffee could be so relaxing? Good luck, and here's the article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200908/escape-artists

[Anonymous]

No point talking to him.Change the clocks - to show the time 10 mts later.My guy has selective hearing, so if I say I need to get out by 8, he'll start at 8. I think he just hears 8 and thats when he starts moving....now I say 1/2 hr early and we are a little better off. It irritates me that if he does not want to go anywhere, he gets away with it 'coz I'll leave without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this too. It is a CONSTANT issue to get him into bed (I go in at 10:30 and he won't come in until midnight). I'm debating moving into the guest room so I can get some sleep and not feel like a zombie. I have no idea why he has to spend so much time on mundane tasks like reading the newspaper, washing his teeth, etc etc.

I have tried everything and am feeling like a nag instead of a loving wife. He isn't a lazy man either, he's the most hardworking man I know. Just sooo effing slow!

Huh? This is unrelated to the op's issue. Going to bed at midnight is totally normal. I haven't gone to bed at 10.30 pm on a regular basis since middle school.

OP here. I think that what the PP was getting at is that her husband takes forever to complete mundane tasks.

To be clear: I think that DH stays up too late reading or watching TV. I think that if he went to bed a bit earlier he might have less trouble getting motivated in the morning. On mornings when DD and I leave on our own, he still ends up rushing because he loses track of time. The thing that bothers me is that he does not prioritize things he volunteered to do (drive DD and I in this morning at 8am, unload/reload the dishwasher, etc.) over his own leisurely morning routine. I am already doing all of the morning routine. I get up, make coffee, make breakfast, get DD ready for preschool, get myself ready for work and get DD to school. He is responsible only for getting up, drinking the coffee that I make, getting himself ready for work and getting there.

It's not like I'm sitting here wringing my hands because I want him to step up and do X, Y, Z and he's not doing that. It's that he says "I will do X, Y, Z" and then he doesn't do it. "I will be ready to go at 8" vs actually ready at 8:20. "I'll put away the dishes and start another load before I go" vs "I ran out of time and was almost late to work". I don't want him to do extra. I just want him to do the things he says he will do.

[Anonymous]

Just curious... does he get his shit done @ work on time?
Or is he late there too?

[Anonymous]

OP I have the same problem. We're late to everything. And I am a well groomed woman, so when we're constantly late people assume it was my fault or that I spend too much time on myself, when that isn't the case at all!

I'm super organized and I have everything set up, packed and ready to go, but still DH takes forever.

I wish there was a solution without nagging, ultimatums, or just leaving without my DH. It's hard! I feel for you OP.

[Anonymous]

op, Im a night owl with chronic lateness in the morning. ive gotten better about being on time during the day and at night, but im still kinda a disaster in the morning.

I think you may just need to accept that you should be in charge of the morning shift and let him do his own routine in the morning. if that means you can get the car and he metros, so be it. in return, he should take on more responsibility some other time in the day. I understand he is probably late throughout the day, but im guessing morning is the worst. I think he is being selfish, but I would give up on this front and play to his strengths. Is he more responsible at night? Give him the bedtime shift.

[Anonymous]

Op-- Is there any way you can get DH to take over drop off in the morning? That may be a way to minimize his BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op-- Is there any way you can get DH to take over drop off in the morning? That may be a way to minimize his BS.

yes, is she just going to daycare or is she old enough for school? take the metro to work and let him deal with drop off